Happy marriage, unhappy you and Fat family

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Threat and ultimatum of marriage resemble a time bomb and is worse for girls past the mid-20s. For men like me in the mid-30s-the age is a deep dark secret- we are not spared by the bua, phuppa, pesky uncle ji and aunty ji, nana, dadi and even younger folks doling gyaan on marriage as if it gives them an erection.

Why do people marry? For love, companionship and fulfilling parents’ will or the innate fear of being alone. Another bigger reason and biggest truth brushed under the carpet, for sex when there is insecurity of not getting any. Yes! Trust me, people marry for sex and a crude way of putting it, getting their fair share of banging.

The pet peeves I personally come across are uber-conservative folks hinting on happiness being irrelevant to fulfilling sacred obligations for parents.  I shall skip this bit about marrying for parents but one question is if H for happiness is not important, how do we explain the growing rate of divorce, separation or outside affairs? Certainly, the law that criminalized adultery until a few days back didn’t deter people from having sex outside marriage! Think! Think!

Marriage is a choice so is ‘one-night stand’. Of course, the moral issue may linger above the legal scheme of things. One cannot make a choice to be unhappy in life so that our folks become the happiest on earth. I keep getting all kind of gyaan on my impending marriage and the whys of forever delaying being settled as if the former is some nobel prize to procreate. The worst thing is when we think about folks caught in a catch 22 situation in a marriage and choosing to hide behind the entire ‘children’ argument in an effort to mask suffering or the lack of spine to break-away.

Looking at the bigger picture, the entire thing whittles to sexuality and desire versus the ingrained fear of family which prevents individuals from breaking away from the shackle of an unconsummated marriage. Alternately, suppression of emotional and sexual desires never reaches the climax. This holds true for singles, divorcee or married alike.  Are you going to look for happiness in an institution scripted by the world, read parents? Since you played no intrinsic role in its making, what is the guarantee it will become a successful model? Marriage as a club or institution you commit to is no less than a business model. What’s the use of a system lacking passion, half-baked hearts into a venture with no trace of happiness?  

Listen to your heart and be true to the self in chartering the individual path and jump into the bandwagon only if you willing or committed to. Never do anything for anyone else but yourself in finding the space to glow, blossom and grow. The society is made of people like us who created culture, again something not infallible and we cannot be dictated by a group of people on doing on what is good or morally right for us. Choose happiness and being one’s own self against any shit spread by society or so-called culture.

Happy Sunday

Burden lost to smiles

Dark alley,

Serenaded by a line up of muddy thatched and bamboo structures,

lesser humans call it home,

feeble light surfacing,

cattles grazing on burnt grasses,

peasant life,

cut off from modernity,

and humdrum of city life,

dwellers squatting on mud,

under the roof of jamoon trees,

wrinkled faces,

children drenched in a pool of mud,

clothes slapped on hardened stones,

aspirations lost in translation,

nursing wounds of destiny,

no modesty to wear on the sleeve,

rummaging through the barren soil,

to feed hungry stomachs,

cooing of birds in the night,

a humble lullaby to the ear,

timid smiles and grins hiding pain,

unburdened by guilt,

happiness is heavy barter to trade for.

 

Signs of happiness

Happiness is no commodity available for sale on the shelf of the supermarket or a bartered good in exchange for a favor. It cannot be traded be it in our relationships or something else like swapping for luxury. It's about living in the Now moment and be aware of every moment in life, the deep breathing that we take, conversations that make us present or admiring nature in all its forms. In fact, it goes beyond everything during our daily interaction whether it's through the compliment we make and receive or by making a difference to someone's life by giving freely. Happiness is a Karmic thing. It often takes the form of fighting our inner demons, surmounting obstacles in life and smiling over issues that afflicts us. It's seamless and unlimited.

Image credit: Google/

For me, happiness can be as simple as helping someone and brightening up faces or enjoying a cup of chai at the tapdi. I derive utmost joy in the simple things of life or the five minutes meditation that I  make to be more aware of my soul and the surrounding. There are efforts being made to be more conscious of my human presence and that of the spiritual leaning that I am working towards. I look forward to my weekly yoga class with my Guru who teaches us the different postures, being chided for the wrong movements and working on the body exertions or limits that I lack. Surya Namaskar, for instance, has helped me to concentrate better. We are often corrected by the Master and laugh together at the smallest mistakes that we make in class. The joy is immense and cannot be quantified by money or any other form of materialistic pursuit.

I have always felt that happiness has eluded me when I look at the past struggling years and the fact that I am not able to immediately shift back to Mumbai and Pune, the cities that gave me everything in life. But, it's a a flawed yardstick for happiness is an ongoing process. My philosophy of life resumes in the organic growth in all directions and absolutely love it when life surprises me in all its forms, when I least expect things to happen. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and immense joy that words cannot express. 

As humans, we are always limited in some form or the other and it's the best that can happen to us since it sets the stage to grow and surmount obstacles that we often face. What fun if life was always a bed of roses? It would be a so boring to exist and we would content ourselves with what we have and not raising our standards at all. It's one way to look at happiness. Raising one's standard and not building expectations help us to accomplish so much in life, never abandoning in the face of defeat.

The most beautiful aspect of life happens when we face adversity in life and still we are able to sparkle faces with a smile despite our energy is sucked to the core is a sign of happiness. Our attitudes to personal tribulations and the downhill we take help to define our past, present and future is a sign of the good times or joy that will come our way. It's perfectly normal to be irritated, become dull and don an angry avatar. But, what matters is the genuineness in us which comes alive. One can claim to be truly happy when no matter how browbeaten we become, we do not become evil or negative but keep spreading smiles in our surroundings. 

Making mistakes is natural. It's one thing that we should always make and keep learning for it's a sign of joy that will manifest itself which makes us grow in its midst. The life trajectory of  a human being is about taking pride in the learning curve offered by life and always making small improvements. It's the biggest competition in life where every day we climb one small step towards human happiness.

A truly happy person is someone who will not compare itself to the world as this optimist soul believes in competing with the self every single day without putting anyone down. Personally, I believe in this quote, 'High tide lifts all boats.' It something that a truly happy person will aspire to and will never shy in helping someone in the same field. Life is not a race but a journey that we reach by uplifting others.

Our existence is like the petal that adorns every single action that we make, adding sheen to the garden of life with beauty and watering the plants that blooms every new season. We are the petal, roots and water at the same time that ushers the positive vibes of happiness at every moment in the atmosphere. We are happiness. It's a soulful experience in our quest to feel everything beautiful. After all, we are spirits that soar high in the sky to leave traces of joy in this circle that binds humans together.

With love
Vishal

Complexity of my life

There are days in life where you feel everything fall out of place when you suddenly lose track of things in life and you feel sad for no reason, whatsoever. I am going through this stage right now and feel that it got to do with the inactive mind and inert body that spend the day and night sitting on the couch.

What's interesting is that at times, I feel so low and out of place but suddenly, the mood sprang up with positive thoughts in life. There are the good wishes, blessings and words of courage from friends that make the mood upbeat. My friends really know how to surprise me with the faraway phone calls, soothing words and, of course, unexpected gift in the form of tagging an old picture on Facebook. It warms the heart and brings a harbinger of hope in life. I have reason to believe that good things in life is waiting patiently behind the door. With so many good wishes, there is no reason to sound negative and deep inside, I know that positive things will usher its way in my life.

Still, why the lull and the emotional and mental conflict is dominating the mind? I know, the mind is fickle but to that extent? Gawd!!!! I think that I am going crazy with the weird turn of events in life, what with the proper job taking its own time to take shape. I've been sitting at home for the past six months and tired of waiting for things to turn up the way I want. The whole scene is so confusing and I know, it is the result of my own doing and, of course, unforeseen circumstances. But, why, why? I am in a hurry to script the story of my life and it's not really moving at my own speed. Life can be strange, at time. 

It's been months that I haven't written anything in my diary and my procrastination is hitting my nerves. How do someone arrange things to be properly executed? I am being patient and look furtively as a passive spectator at the way things are moving. And, to think, life moved at 360 degrees a year back with oodles of happiness. Still, I am not losing heart since I know that if good things doesn't stay forever, why should bad things gain a permanent place in my life.

I feel blessed and learning to count my blessing and not sorrow.

Good Night

Vishal

Happines Quotient

Love, life, moolah, career, books, journalism, Facebook and G-chat. That's what my life sum up to. A more apt description of life would be that I am only too happy indulging in things that I enjoy doing. Howzzat post at 4 a.m in the morning! Our generation faces lotsa tribulations as we juggle our time in work, relationship and mundane things like watching movies, reading for pleasure and brooding on problems in the world. And, we choose to smartly brush aside sex and lust and after all, who has time for all that intimate emotions yaar when we are stuck up with the hum drum of city life. The little time that we are spared, it is spent making trip to the wonderful memories we left behind.
We were told that it's a fab time we are living. Their generation earn much less than we are earning and that we have plenty of opportunity. Once, on my way to Infinity mall, Andheri Mumbai, I met an old man.he must be above 70-year-old and he told me, India is booming and you guys have so much opportunity. You can work in the call centre and make money and our generation made money with less opportunities. What my learned uncle failed to ignore was the financial crisis that spelled havoc. Theek hai! India was booming at that time and our growth rate is still positive and jobs are created throughout the country. Yet! there are freeze in economic sectors and as you look for opportunities outside the home land, there come a point you wanna come back home. Yet! You can't because there is a freeze in your professional field and you gotta wait impatiently for the worse to get over. As if it's the Tsunami that's hovering over your head for some time. Sometimes, it's not just professional fulfillment that matters but happiness.
By the way, have you read the happiness survey in Hindustan Times during the week. Mumbai scores much over Delhi..well! That's support the claim that happiness matters and not money! To be frank, Mumbai sounds better than Delhi and no matter how much I hate to admit it, I was in Delhi in November and I have fallen prey to its charm. Yes! I said Delhi is a wonderful a city and to the extent that a friend of mine who is born and bred in Mumbai told me, you have shifted loyalty, Traitor! Well, he is in Australia right now. Of course, he was kidding but I feel like being caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. Ahem! Ahem!
The respondents in Delhi are more stressed out than Mumbaikars. Well that news to me not because Delhi is stressed out but I feel that the stress quotient in a city like Mumbai is no less. Come on, Mumbai is a city where you need to be constantly on the edge and you are busy like hell..forget about sparing time for others, you can hardly afford any time for yourself. That's the city on the move for you. True, Mumbai is more chilled out than Delhi in the sense that Mumbai is less aggressive and somewhat better place for women. But, it is debatable.
The survey ranks Mumbai on the sixth position with a happiness quotient of 776 as compared to Delhi which find itself at number 15 with an HQ of 609. It is assessed by our happy leaning through leisure time, entertainment and social life. Well, the world is crazy. What surprises me even more that Pune's level of happiness reaches 748 at number nine. Well, I just can't agree that Mumbai scores inches ahead of Pune. True, Pune is no longer the peaceful and laid back city that it used to be and the guilty are the builders who have put a nail in the coffin of Mumbai are hell bent to destroy Pune.
It's a crazy world and I wonder what defines happiness for an average person. Money? But, it entails a more stressful life. Friends? I agree with that coz it's important for us to have our emotional support in place but above all, the time to indulge in things we love doing and satisfy our creative quest. I, for one, love sipping cutting chai at the tapdi in the company of friends. Do we have time to so?! I wonder. Anyway, let's try to be happy!

Birthday and happiness

Wassap people,
Celebrated ma budday on June 24 and as I write this post on Sunday it is eck jhackly one week. I am born again or if I put it that way,  re-born. The new kid on the block is blossoming slowly into one-week old cute baby boy. I received so much love during ma birthday via Facebook, sms, chat and phone calls. The wishes kept flowing even after budday got over. I am forever grateful to life and frenz that matters.
I cannot whine about life and whatever I have received has been a complete bundle of joy, happiness and success as I look back at the years that elapsed. It has been a beautiful journey, making so many good friends and earning a beautiful place in people's hearts. The reason I made so many friends is because I wear my heart on my sleeve and open up to people with honesty and genuine care and concern. I connect the dots with people and there is no hidden motive in my interaction with people. That's me.
One thing I have learned in life is to act in a selfless manner with people. I love people!!!! I have learned a lil bit of lessons in life and I honestly believe that one..errr sorry me..shouldn't have a sea of expectations from people. If I connect with people, I will go out of my way to do everything but I shouldn't expect that they will give back in the same manner. Expecting too much is wrong from my perspective.
In that way, I have received so much from people and for which I am eternally grateful to life. Yes! Indeed! I have received so much love from people..a thousand splendid suns. My reasoning is simple: If things come your way, great! If it doesn't and if like me you don't expect too much, there is very less or no grief and disappointment. That's the way I am. I go out of my way to make people around me feel comfortable and I am not going to change that part of me. Sure! Some people have told me to stop being like that since people will take me for granted. Par kya karein! That's the way I am and I believe that life is more about giving and less about receiving.
Next point. It's been an amazing journey of life and it's been a great learning experience and happiness. I have my fair share of success. I made the best of friends and studied in one of the best colleges in India and the best in Pune, Fergusson College. I am blessed. I would do nothing to change this. What I wouldn't give to get back this life. Haan! There are certain things in life that I wished for and has so far eluded me. Theek hai! Not all that we wished for is turned into reality. May be I haven't tried hard enough to achieve all my dreams. But, we live in a world of immense possibilities and it's not too late as someone pointed out to me the other day. My dream of becoming an actor and a film-maker has become a distant dream so far. But, that doesn't mean that it will never become a reality. I am quite confident and intend to start soon with a short film.
Today, a dear friend of mine got hitched in Pune. I am damned happy for her as she has finally found love. She is such a wonderful person and she deserves every moment of happiness. As far as I am concerned, quite a few people have discussed on when I am taking the plunge or whether I will ever get married.
My present state of mine is:NO. I love my freedom too much to ever get married and I feel that marriage is a trap imposed by society to impose their rules and I don't want to bend to the rules. Marriage like religion is imposed by society to exploit our state of being. If I have to make a choice in life, I will always opt for the triumph of my individuality and I am not going to trade it for anything else in my life. I refuse to get bogged down by the rules of society.
Where does love come into the whole business of marriage? I don't think that we can link love to marriage. Sure, from a different perspective love is connected to marriage but I have an entirely different take on that. I believe in the very concept of 'free love'. Assume tomorrow, I fall in love with someone, yeh zaroori nahin hai ke next step should be marriage. If we truly love each other, we can always be there for each other when needed. If she decides to be with someone else who will provide her with care, security, emotional and material comfort, I will not stop her. This is true love. If you love someone, that doesn't mean that you should not respect her wishes if she chose not to be with you but rather with someone else. Why get into the marriage business? But, it's my own perspective on life, love and marriage. What is good for new kid on the block is not necessarily true for the whole world. But, then I am rebel and that's the way I am!
Have a good day.

Mixed baggage of emotions, feeling your presence my friend

It's a very personal post.For a quite a few days, I am being transported in a trance-like situation and I am delving further into the outer world, free of the human bonding and attachment. Sometimes, I wonder that life is really too short and we should detach ourselves from the real world and emotions. Rather, we should embrace the cosmic world, non-physical and enter the 'energy' body. Let's face it: We are living a fake existence in this world full of hypocrisy and sliding into the non-real of the human bondage and attachment.
I have just realized our fake existence. I mean, I know we are all living a fake life as ordinary mortals. I made an experience 2 days back when I felt the presence of someone in my life. Whoever are reading this post has the right to think that I have gone mad or some shit like that or that I am fooling people around. On Wednesday, I was in a low ebb as I happened to check my orkut page and scrapes that dates back way to 2006. I happened to read the scrap I sent to Sudhu and he sent back to me.
Then, one find day when there was no Facebook and I was gung-ho on Orkut, I remember quite well that time. I just shifted to Mumbai from Pune. One fine Sunday, I was getting bored in my room at Churchgate and went to the cybercafe to check my orkut scraps. I ran through a scrap by another dear friend of mine Koko, telling me..Hi Vishal, by now you must have heard the bad news...Sudhu is no more. He was carried away by the waters at Khadakvasla dam. I was dumbfounded and shell shocked. I mean why on earth, I dint check my scrap earlier and why I was informed much later after he died.
Several questions raced into my mind: How come life is so unfair and someone we are closed to, chose to disappear? Why it happened? Sudhu was the one who gave me the Bachchan nickname and people still knows me as Bachchan in Pune. I njoy being called Bachchan as it reminds me of Sudhu's presence in our lives.
Yeah, I am missing him for days now and perhaps it's his way to tell me that he is around. There are days where one wonder, Dude, why was the need for you to go, why couldn't you wait for some more time. I've been in this mode for a week now and this time around, when I wake up, I don't want to do anything neither I am in a mood to speak to anybody. Life is a bitch. I often wonder about the futility of life. As ordinary mortals, we rush to work and make money. But, does it matter? Coz we can never know when our lives will be over. Personally, it is a very complex situation: At the end of the day, does our existence really carry any value whatsoever? We live in a hypocrite society and lead a very fake existence. We get swayed by big bucks, material stuffs and emotions like love and soo many things associated to it. In fact, what w are living is a mere illusion.
Days before, I was shedding tears thinking of Sudhu. But, before sleeping, I felt a presence, his presence. I have no words to qualify that, He must be laughing looking at me and wanna say, kya re Bachchan, mere ko yaad kar raha hai,,bas kya..I am very happy and looking after you.Yes, Sudhu, I know you are here and I know that whenever I go through a tough time, you will send your blessings. I just need to close my eyes and say a small prayer. You are here forever and ever: Sending your love. Dude, send some more love and vibrations.
We shared good vibes and that's why we became friends. The cosmic energy that we share is intact and I know that you have entered your energy body. You taught me so many things about life and existence. The need to be myself and stand out in the crowd. Sometimes, your absence gets too me and this week, I was trying to reason with myself. Deep down, I know that you are still very much present among us, sending love and sharing happiness. Whenever, I faces any problem, I think of you. You must be negotiating happiness with the Almighty and it will be sent just in time You must be saying: Dude, dekha maine vaada nibhaya.
I am missing you. I know that it's your way of telling, mere ko yaad kar, Hamesha, I have not gone anywhere man and I'm still very much present with you. Sudhu bhai, mine being quiet for the whole day and thinking of the good times we spent together, having daaru, chai aur cigarettes gives me an inner peace. I do get emotional at times, thinking that it's been six years now.I know six fucking years that you chose to enter the 'energy' world. You chose to continue your life in a world completely different from the world I am living. You shall continue to  travel and enjoy being with the angels, having a whisky, dude.
I know that we will meet again. When I enter the 'energy' world, you will be the first one to welcome me. Kya re Bachchan! aagaya tu..daaru piyega. Dude! We shall booze and have lotsa fun like we once used to have in the other world. Till then njoy and continue your journey. One more thing, send some love from time-to-time in my life. I know you are sitting here and smiling. Gosh! I am feeling your presence again. Now, I am feeling better. I know that the love is being sent. Say hi to Dad and bhaiya. Chalo then, bhau..miltey hai. Haan! Promise..well, you know what no need to spell it here..and ya you remember that chick on that evening....hahhah lol...

Thinking of the wonderful moments spent together over..
Sutta, Imperial Blue whisky, cigarette aur chai..
Feeling very emotional nowadays.
Thinking of you, dude.
Tis your way of saying you are visiting and saying Hi in your majestic style.
Like the Greek god, you conquered.
Those reading this might think that I am nuts.
Of course, I am not..
But, they won't understand..let it be..
Getting in the trance and back in the life.
Life is beautiful.
You led a beautiful life here, Sudhu bhai and there as well..Njoy it.
Send some love and magic.
Visit again..
Who said that you are not here?
I know that you are with us and will be forever.
You have reached the immortal existence.
You are superior to ordinary mortals like.
You are and always be with me.
There is  a smile on my face now.

Love as always, Sudhu bhai

Love in times of hope

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A ray of sunlight, a glimpse of hope as the sun shines on us.
It's a beautiful day with loads of promises.
Hope never went out of the window.
Our life is built on promises and hopes.
Yet, it never went away.
It's just that we lost it when things were down.
The sunny day simply remind us that life us so beautiful.
Let's embrace life and the shimmer of glory that awaits us.
It's a beautiful life.
Love all over the place.
It's like falling in love for the first time.
As we forget all the past grudges, sporting a smile to everyone.
The whole world suddenly matters to us.
Love is the most beautiful feeling.
It makes us hopeful.
It brings a radiant smile to our face.
Spread the good vibes, energy and cheerz to the world.
They sometimes call it the malfunction of the brain.
But, without a heart how would they be able to think.
Now make them understand that a happy heart is the way to happiness and hope.

Happiness at its peak

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A joyful Friday where things unexpectedly turn your way.
It is the law of the least expectation.
They truly said, Don't expect anything and when balance tide in your favour, it gives you a high in life.
From the day, the mood was off where you wanna curse everyone.
Today is a day where you learn to count your blessing and not your sorrows.
It makes the balance of life beautiful.
It gives you a new high.
Tis nothing less than ecstasy.
A passport where all your wish list will turn out to be true.
Can't get better than this.
I wanna give a jadoo ki jhappi to neone who wanna.
My ruthless foes, be good, be happy coz the atmosphere is full of good vibes.
I forgive you for all misgivings, ploys and harm.
I'm too happy a dude today to let you screw my mood.
I know you can't make me ynhappy coz God has sent its blessings from the sky.
Finally after aeons, I gonna make it happen.
I know it will happen.
I found my magic wand from the school of wizard.
The school is gonna welcome em again to have the time of my life.
I gonna be in the city of magic and marvel.
Life z fun and,
What's fun without my share of happiness.
Happiness is back with a bang.
I'm back with a revenge.
What a revenge?
Sweet and Happy Revenge.

Why do couples fight?

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The big Q: After the honeymoon, the honey sword. It's pretty obvious that after you are set in a relationship, difference of opinion are bound to crop up coz we are different individuals with different thinking process. It leads to an ugly turn when the ego overrides the self and the love.
Be it regular boyfriend and girl friend, married couples and live-in partners, we do fight and many times it takes an ugly turn and goes from healthy discussion to bitter fight. The main reason is: the moolah or what we call the M-factor-paisa bole toh money... Show me the money,honey!!
Dating tip you pay on the first day and as the relationship progresses, you splurge all your money on her buying her goodies, jewellery and branded stuffs.Then, at some point you go dutch and she pays your coffee at Starbucks. You lose your job and she pays for your expenses. Then, your ego can't digest the fact that your lady love is paying for you. The first crack in the relationship is felt and it turns ugly.
On one hand there are your friends who always complain that since you guys are together you are not giving them time. Point blank: You are confused. After all, these guys and gals were there for you and how you balance, dear girlfriend and your mates. If you are a live-in couple or married dude, you invite them to your duplex for drinks and it becomes a weekly session. She feels neglected and tells you that they are entering her space. Before it turns ugly, strike a balance. Make them understand that your pals have always been there for you and at the same time you care for her. Always surprise her with flowers and plan a surprise holiday. Involve her with your mates. This always works. Better still, invite your pals at a time where you are not invading each other's space. Most importantly, encourage her to bring her friends home. In that way she won't feel left out.
I have observed that many couples have the tendency to bring parents within the relationship. It's between you and her or him. At some point, one partner will say I don't like your parents and the other will always retort. Naturally, he or she will took offense for the other not liking the parents. It's only natural to have a like or dislike for someone. We are all human beings. But as long as we love each other why bring parents in the relationship. At the same time, it's his or her parents and you cannot stop them from loving the ones who gave birth and education to them. The best thing is be ready to accomodate the parents if they are coming down. Just try to be nice and who knows you guys might click!! Trust me it will make a difference to him or her and the love bond will grow stronger. As it is you are not going to stay with the parents forever. Give him or her space to be with the parents and don't interfere if you can't be nice.
After a certain number of years of being together, both of you are bound to take things lying down. I mean a relationship can get bored at some point or the other. Both of you are professionals and spend time with your colleagues and a certain amount of attraction to some other person might crop up. This happens when couples take each other for granted. The fun is missing and you no longer go on long drive. Even the sex becomes mechanical. You are become so used to each other that even a small gesture of saying I love you or surprising her with flowers is ignored. In the process, the feeling of the other person is hurt and this is how couples break apart.

The most important thing in a relationship is the C-word. C-for communication is ignored and gives way by C-for conflict. Many couples who indulges into dirty fight often do not communicate with each other after a fight. They behave like complete strangers in the weirdest possible manner.It's a simple trick: Shed your ego and all you need to is talk and talk as if nothing happened. Na gila na Shikwa:)

God on hot seat-part 2

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Hey God welcoming you in my abode..sorry hot seat..Guess, if all goes smoothly we can make it a monthly or a fortnight affair. Unfortunately, you didn't respond to my set of questions. Guess, it sent a tizzy down your spine and you went speechless for days. Did you questioned your own authority? I hope so coz I question my own existence and you, of course.
God, rest assured I am not an atheist.I believe in a super power but I refuse to adhere blind to the 'unquestionable faith' and pre-established rules advocated by many of your ardent followers. Sorry, I cannot subscribe myself to the theory and there so many self acclaimed God who want to snatch away your glory and existence. Come on, God, speak to me. As you have noticed, I haven't thrown my questions at you till now as a means of protest of your unwillingness and perhaps arrogance of not replying to my queries.
Let's get back to question, God. When I was small, I would patiently await for Dad to come back home and he was late, I became restless and prayed to you so that you can send Dad back home. When he came back, he looked at my anxious face and asked, were you worried? I smart shrugged off his concern and said in my tiny voice, no! Well, how he knew about it? Did you communicated my worry to him. Well, thank you. Today, I ain't gonna be mean to you God.
But, question is question: One day, you decided to take him far way from me? I want to know why? I want to share my happiness and grief with him. But, I can't do that. Is he watching over me? Is he present and looking at me? At least, you provide me with an answer?
God, how do you look like? Are you white, do you wear black clothes, show off in trendy blue shoes and carry flamboyant clothes? How do you look like? Black or white..what is the color of your skin? If not, then why people differentiate in terms of Black and white? Are you, Hindu, Muslim or Christian? Don't they say, there is God in every human being? If yes, then why people differentiate in terms of caste, creed or sex? Or you male or female? Then, when people discriminate they are discrimination against your own existence. I'm sorry to say all this but it's my honest opinion. Answers needed fast.

Why is it so difficult to let go of the one we love, God? When we broke up with the one we love the most, there comes a time when we feel our whole has stopped forever. We end up losing the meaning of life and shed tears for that person whom we know that he/she cannot be ours. Why is it so? The more the person drift away from us, the more we want to grow, sleep and eat with that person. How can that person be insensitive to our feelings overtime? Is there any answer to that?
I sometimes wonder whether we could have survived without food. Since I was a child eating was always an uphill task for me. Life would have been easier and a smooth ride without craving for food for survival. I always faced a mammoth task when faced with a plate of food. I know this is silly good. 

But, can we survive without food and relationship?
Why is it that when we visit a place for the first time we feel that we have been there before. Is there a thing called reincarnation? Same thing happen when we meet someone for the first. We gel so well with each other and instantly feel an array of great vibes and soulful connection with that person? No one has been able so far to understand the complexities of human life and relationship? Yet you chose to design the world in such a manner? 

Are you going to present yourself to me someday and do you have the courage to do so? When will you reveal your form?


Why do I feel scare of undertaking the simplest of task for the first time? Is there any hidden meaning behind it or have I been designed in such a way? Don't do that. Don't touch this. Why are we humans so reluctant to embrace the newest thing in life?

Why do I have the tendency to dwell so much in the past and the world of impossible?Is imagination a prelude to the forthcoming? Why am I so reluctant to let go? I want to understand the entire gamut and complexities of human existence?

Dear God, some more questions will do?! I think that you can afford being on the hot seat for some time considering the unplanned design you hold for me:

Why do things doesn't come the way I want it to be? Why is it that a bad surprise always comes my way?
Why people have so much ego in themselves and makes life difficult for others and for themselves?

Why do I end up screwing things so many times?

Why can't I meet my deadlines and do things according to planning? It always fails?

Why is life unfair sometimes and I end up in a soup?
Lots of why's buts and ifs in this life. If only you care to answer. If you still feign ignorance we shall continue this exercise and you will be sitting on the hot sea. I intend to do it till I get my answer. Take your time God and see you soon.
Cheers

PROUST Questionnaire:Totally mine, always and ever

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PROUST QUESTIONNAIRE: Uhmmm! Shobha Dé published her version and urged everyone on blogpost to rant on. It's not stealing as I acknowledged the latest belonged to her. I urge you guys to try it out. Be honest and see where it goes from here.

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Version Vishal-PROUST:Totally yours,truly and as honestly as it goes. Time for reality check..okay, roll camera, repetition over, action, mike 1, 2, 3

What is your idea of happiness?
Happiness is a state of the mind!!!yeah, as philosophical as it gets, I derive happiness ranging from the simplest of things to the materialistic acquisitions.sipping a cutting chai at the thapri, visiting my college Katta, having chai at savera-in Pune the restaurant opposite the bestest Fergusson College, hanging at Barista, catching an entertaining movie at the plex. When a friend calls when you least expect it..Friends, friends my life, it gives me such a high and reminds me to express gratitude to life. I'm blessed and loved by so many. Being in amchi Mumbai and sipping coffee with book at Barrista, Bandra band stand or lonely evenings at Marine Drive...dil khush

What is your greatest fear?
Are we playing Khatron ke khiladi or what? We are all insecure. I am. The fear of losing a friend and loved member of my extended family--family and friends..Not being able to sit and write.Gosh! It happens often..writing paralysis and writer's cramp and SHIT happens..Thinking I may never be able to accomplish something I know I can do.It always happens at work..machines, computers and software. Ok! I admit that I am the biggest mental retard when it comes to the world of PC.. Not being able to stand my might to unreasonable people in an argument..I eventually lose it..biggest fear should be..losing my inner self..I AM..succumb to society's conformism..remember I am a non conformist..Yes, I am scared confronting..that should be the biggest coupled with reluctance to get into fighter's mood. bang on!

Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru for his intellect and vision for making India the toast of the world. He foresaw globalization and was the upfront and practical in his view of the world. Pandit-ji was traditional yet modern in outlook. He never wanted the partition. Mahatma Gandhi comes next for believing and dreaming of a society free of the shackles of race, caste and other racial divide. Unfortunately, till date we fail to fulfill the dreams of the great minds.

Which living person do you most admire?
Not one but quite a few. Amitabh Bachchan tops the list for being the man I admire the most. Very few actors can boast of having his intellect. Like wine, he gets better with age and it's admirable how he goes from stength to strength. His baritone voice, towering personality and humility is something we all should learn. Not only a reel but a real life hero. A man who at the age of 68 rocks and is forever young and his dedication to his craft, passion and the tremendous amount of energy. Goodness, I hope to reach this age with the same zeal. I doubt. The latest on my list is Anna Hazare for having the guts to move a whole nation in bringing the Lokpal bill and taking the government to task. Sachin Tendulkar is another man who inspired me. It's amazing that Sachin has never forgotton his middle class Maharshtrian origin--I am not Maharashtrian by birth. It feels great that despite all success, sachin remained grounded.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Tricky one!! Impatience, laziness and lack of concentration. I've been at a loss and suffered a lot because of that. It is the biggest mental disturbance and as I get restless I can't think and do the dumbest things on earth. Add to that my hyper nature. Due to these traits, I can't perform and so many time, I sat to write and was unable to do so and time flies.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
I hate self whistle blowers, people with the biggest prejudices, Lack of civility and grace.. I just wanna tell them shut the fuck off..those over smart ass. They don't realize how stupid they are.Hate caste minded and racists with the typical.mere jaat, mera caste and mere desh and we don't like outsiders..fuck off maderchods.

What is your greatest extravagance?
I, me, myself..I am the biggest spend thrift despite being an Economist and a smart one. Money never stays with me..Right now, I am tempted to buy a Levis shirt for 2000 bucks and gonna get it..woohooo! and a laptop despite having a desktop..is it extravagance? Lost extravagance and it's a question of making me happy rather than show..my wish list: 2 Levis shirts, lap top and a Sony Bravia flat TV before year end as well as a car..distant dream for now and travel to several parts of India and the world..

What is your favourite journey?
Mumbai and Pune..getting into a person's heart and on a spiritual quest..a meaning conversation remains the best. The journey called Life to enjoy every moment.

Who is your favourite painter?
M.F Hussain..sad that I never known Hussain Saab and that he was made the target of fundamentalists and was deprived of dying in his homeland. I confess though I haven't really followed his works on canvas..Picasso..I'm intringued by the existence of both men.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
I'm the most patient-less bastard and instinctive by nature. Why wait for 10 years to enjoy the good things of life. Go grab it now.Kal ho na ho! Njoy the ice cream before it melts..Propose the gal before someone else gets to kiss and make love to her.



On what occasion do you lie?
It is not always the best thing to argue with some unreasonable rogue who happens to be just a colleague and who doesn't make a fucking difference to your life..I lie to play pranks and trouble me..I do lie sometimes and try to keep it to a minimum..hate compulsive liar..I do lie to save someone's skin and try not to offend.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?

Well nobody told you I'm the hottest, sexy and suave guy around..just kidding, it's false..don't fall for me!!do so at your own risk..Well, the lil gray hair scares me to death and I freak out

Which living person do you most despise?
Godmen and Godwomen..those self claimed gurus and most of the politicians..Baba Ramdev is one asshole and Sathya Sai Baba was one and shall remain in my favorite hate list. His death doesn't change anything.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Fuck, chutiya, Bhenchod... you name it you get..shit man..screwed...The nicey nicey me..cool! dude and my loving female friends..babes or babe. Aye shapat!

What is your greatest regret?Another tricky one. Here it goes..not learning to swim till now. I could have learned to play a music instrument like piano, learn to sing rock music, not completing my Masters'..left it mid way..I intend to complete it or start anew. Plus, plus..till now haven't learned driving. The biggest well the biggest of the biggest is not pursuing my dream and passion..didn't tried my hands at acting and direction.Bah! I should have taken a film course.It's never late.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Life. I love life and cinema. I can't breathe without cinema. There was this girl with whom I was together 3 years back and wanted to leave everything for her. Sadly, it didn't worked out. She's happily married and settled in the states now. I dunno whether I can call it the biggest love of my life. I doubt it. That's why life and cinema are the biggies.

When and where were you happiest?
When I get a high in life. It can be a compliment and when something unexpected crops up.Meeting a friend after longish tym. It can be anything and everything. Meeting my small nephew and nieces and how they run to hug me. My friend's Prashant one and a half year old baby, Sham. He's delightful.

What is your present state of mind?
Restless. I am always restless running from here to there to do some stuffs. Presently, writing this piece, shall jump to read The Economist and then get ready for work. I am always in this state of mind though some people think that I'm tense. The two can't be confused.

How would you like to die?
With a smile and a feeling of accomplishment. On a film set..perhaps! Or, in an appartment far away from the maddening crowd and people discovering my body later. Picturing myself in the appartment, wearing my favorite clothes with a pen and notebook writing an unfinished story. In style a la God in Gucci. A greek god style:)

What is your favourite motto?
Live N Let Live. Be Happy in whatever things you do in life.

UNQUOTE ME:
To conquer, one first must yield. Rather than going against the change,one should flow with it. The nature of water is to flow with it. It goes with the current. It doesn't resist. It does not hesitate before it yields. But it is also one of the most powerful forces on earth.--Robin Sharma (Daily Inspiration)
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Finally it's done. Thought that I would forgot Proust. Took 2 days to compile it yesterday and today.It's painfully to answer truthfully and there was no need to rack my brains as Iwrote with my hurt. I urge all of you to answer the Proust Questionnaire. Everyone,please do it..Are you listening SEPO, Asha, Anuja and all beautiful people.

Miss you Dad

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Hi fellas!!!
Just had a coffee in a my branded Nescoffee mug and it's the perfect time to blog ripe at 1 a.m. So far, had a good day and spent the whole evening at ma sister's house and relished on chicken cooked by her husband. I caught between a jolly good mood, frustration and sadness.
Jolly good mood u know the reason. A pleasant day and well spent with the kids, being a kid myself. Frustrated at the state of things. For six months, I failed to continue my short story. It's not that I lack ideas. Contrary to that, ideas are brimming in my head but the problem is that I started a short story but so far I'm stuck. I ain't leave without finishing this one. I started the story and I shall finish it. Right now, a note book is open and a pen are lying beside me on the table.A story of a couple who just married. They are not able to communicate with each other as the husband makes effort to make the relationship while the wife has drawn a curtain. The female character was struck by a tragedy. God knows when ideas will flow. Writer's block.
It's been four years since Dad passed away on June 19, five days before my birthday and 9 days before his. I was in the hostel in Mumbai when I received the news that he has suddenly fallen ill and is in the hospital. Before leaving for home, I remembered Anwar telling me, you must be strong. Fight for your rights always, you are an Indian. These words shall remain etched in my heart. I remembered the night which was falling. I wasn't able to sleep and was suffocated. I received support from all quarters, family and friends. I still remember the day when he was discharged from hospital. He slept in my room while I slept on the sofa. Didn't realized that it was to be his last night with us.
The next morning when I woke up, he was slowly giving up on life. Never I thought that death will conquer his soul. He looked at me with sadness and love. I guess people know that their last hours are approaching. Four years been a long time and how time passes so swiftly. I still vividly remember the day as his dead body laid on the floor. Dad was resting so peacefully. I came to terms with it. Mom didn't and she still has regret. Thank you Dad for everything. God bless your soul and I know you are always with us. I know that as I am writing you are all smiling and looking at me as you always did, wondering what I am doing so late and telling me to sleep.
Love you Dad.
Good nite

Munching on Life

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Life is like a kite. Hold the string of life properly you will enjoy its flight. Once you lose the hold, the whole meaning of life get lost in translation.
Holier than true. It is very true as to what we make of life and what it becomes. In life, we faces several ups and downs, disapointment, joy and going from one relationship to another. If one relationship brings joy on the onset and the next moment there are disapointment. We do fall short of each other's expectations and we find the love is lost. We try harder and enter new relationships, hoping that this one will work for us. Unfortunately, it doesn't as we crib,Yet, another relationship sucks. We are caught in the web of life. We might start questioning the essence of life and relationships and try to solve the jig, what's in store and what's not working. In the process, we tend to forget one simple rule of life: Good or bad, every single relationship teaches us something valuable and make is grow as whole individuals. Rather than ending up hating our partner, don't you think it's better to think of the wonderful times spent together, the innocent kiss, cute smile? My whole point is why focus on the bad, evil side rather on the good things which made us smile at the relationship. 
If I look at my life, I may not be having the happiest and rosy stuffs right now. As a person, I am very hyper and often end up frustrated with my salary and lament that I am not able to save money for a holiday, travel to my adopted home land, Pune and Mumbai. But, I know deep inside me that I must be patient and try to rechannel my subconscious thoughts which makes me happy. Indeed, I am not a so-so unhappy person in life. I strive to be grateful to the Almighty for giving me a job, earning an okay salary so that I am able to foot my bills, sometimes indulge in shopping, buying my branded jeans and T-shirt. It gives me an inner happiness, though it's materialistic. My birthday is coming and I know that I get quite a few wishes via SMS, Facebook and a call. It may not be the maximum wishes on Facebook like many of my very popular friends whom girls think are sexy and hunk. But. I am grateful.
"Count your blessings, not your sorrows"

Life is a beautiful canvas and we need to pick up the brush and charter our dreams. Life is beautiful and let make it rocking. It is a simple mantra which many of us know, but unfortunately in the fast lane of life we tend to forget. We live in a make believe world that we are the only souls who are affected by sorrow. Think of the crippled guy, the slum dwellers who manage to smile. Next time you travel in the local trains in Mumbai, just peep out in the poor neighbourhood, just watch the poor kids playing among themselves and how they laugh joyfully. We need to learn a lesson or two from them on the essence of beauty.
Coming back to me, I shall tell you my dreams or my dream list.
No 1: Owning a flat at Bandra band stand, sea facing
It is a dream to own a flat at Bandra band stand sea facing and dream of opening my door and facing the sea. Bless those souls who are having coffee in the comfort of their sky crapers and watching the still waters in Mumbai.

No.2:owning a bungalow at Goa
Goa..the dream land. Who doesn't wanna own a Bungalow there. I don't lose heart and I know when I will get the moolah, I shall become a proud Goan.Or, perhaps in my retirement days..Goa, I love you

No.3: Being an actor or director in the film industry
This is a dream which I have cherished since long. I blame myself that I didn't properly worked on it. chances I had to be in films and even assisted some people in their short films diploma. But, I didn't worked properly on them. Should that make me unhappy? No, why blame circumstances but myself. My biggest problem is my laziness. It's never too late I can still make a short film and work my way.

No:4 Becoming a full time author
I started two years back with a collection of short stories. Got stuck as a result of laziness,graveyard shift at work and it got lost in translation. Need to apply myself consistently and reach the end product. I know I Can. Yes, I Can. I must push myself towards it. Right now, I am blogging and it gives me inner happiness.

No.5: Own a BMW
Who doesn't want some luxuries in life. But, the money,money,money..apna Sapna Money Money. A lil bit of hard work and it takes time to reach the top. I shall some day and till now I am eternally grateful with what I have and happy for the proud owners of lxury cars.
"True contentment lies for others"

No.6: Shift back permanently to Pune
My land, my life lies in the beautiful jewel of Maharashtra, Pune. My city, m y beautiful city is within my reach. It's just a matter of time and decision. A place where I received the best of education at Fergusson college, and wonderful teachers and made simply awesome friends. A place where there is warmth,love and life. Not to mention Mumbai.

Lets be happy with what we have in life, friends. Think Big, Dream Big and Spend Big. Zindagi Na Milega Doobara. Life is a dream and we should never shy away from and the biggest thing is believe, chase our dreams and achieve them. It may take a very long time and ultimately that what will cut us from the rest. Hard work, consistency and we are here. Almost.
Gosh!Did I wrote all that? Din't knew I am so good. I need the advice first before giving to others.Cookies! Just had one and that too chocolate..
Woohoo!