|Picture is for representational purpose only. Source: https://www.parekhcards.com|
Threat and ultimatum of marriage resemble a time bomb and is worse for girls past the mid-20s. For men like me in the mid-30s-the age is a deep dark secret- we are not spared by the bua, phuppa, pesky uncle ji and aunty ji, nana, dadi and even younger folks doling gyaan on marriage as if it gives them an erection.
Why do people marry? For love, companionship and fulfilling parents’ will or the innate fear of being alone. Another bigger reason and biggest truth brushed under the carpet, for sex when there is insecurity of not getting any. Yes! Trust me, people marry for sex and a crude way of putting it, getting their fair share of banging.
The pet peeves I personally come across are uber-conservative folks hinting on happiness being irrelevant to fulfilling sacred obligations for parents. I shall skip this bit about marrying for parents but one question is if H for happiness is not important, how do we explain the growing rate of divorce, separation or outside affairs? Certainly, the law that criminalized adultery until a few days back didn’t deter people from having sex outside marriage! Think! Think!
Marriage is a choice so is ‘one-night stand’. Of course, the moral issue may linger above the legal scheme of things. One cannot make a choice to be unhappy in life so that our folks become the happiest on earth. I keep getting all kind of gyaan on my impending marriage and the whys of forever delaying being settled as if the former is some nobel prize to procreate. The worst thing is when we think about folks caught in a catch 22 situation in a marriage and choosing to hide behind the entire ‘children’ argument in an effort to mask suffering or the lack of spine to break-away.
Looking at the bigger picture, the entire thing whittles to sexuality and desire versus the ingrained fear of family which prevents individuals from breaking away from the shackle of an unconsummated marriage. Alternately, suppression of emotional and sexual desires never reaches the climax. This holds true for singles, divorcee or married alike. Are you going to look for happiness in an institution scripted by the world, read parents? Since you played no intrinsic role in its making, what is the guarantee it will become a successful model? Marriage as a club or institution you commit to is no less than a business model. What’s the use of a system lacking passion, half-baked hearts into a venture with no trace of happiness?
Listen to your heart and be true to the self in chartering the individual path and jump into the bandwagon only if you willing or committed to. Never do anything for anyone else but yourself in finding the space to glow, blossom and grow. The society is made of people like us who created culture, again something not infallible and we cannot be dictated by a group of people on doing on what is good or morally right for us. Choose happiness and being one’s own self against any shit spread by society or so-called culture.