Tricolor of emotions


Tricolor of emotions,

anthem of human identity and diversity,

pride in the heart,

a prayer to remove barriers,

make everyday the Independence Day,

freedom from caste, class and race bias,

one heart that sings the national anthem,

Jana Gana Mana of hearts striking a chord,



respect for arts and life,

music has no color,

why should the heart paint the color of hate?

free ourselves from poverty, discrimination and inequality,

respect for woman and not telling her what she should wear,

it will be true independence,

free the spirit and soul,

say no to insult against women and fellow humans,

stop caging ourselves,

let her shine in all her forms and expressions,

after all she is the form of Bharat Mata.

Jai Hind
Happy Independence India



Friendship: Care free days and real conversation where every breath counts

Image credit: Google

Fleeting moments,

care free days of joy,

where every breath counts,

we lived every single second,






need for thrill was not spent on social media,

in the company of friends,

real conversations,

clinking glass of beer,

at times chai and sutta,


bump pe laath on birthdays,

colors of life,

touching stars in the sky,


timeless friendship,

memories carved,

traversed like light inside our minds,

capturing the flawless days of bliss,

smokey cloud curled,

past the sky,

an elixir has reached,


or, may be not.

A band of friendship knitting hearts together.

Happy Friendship Day


July: The Gratitude Diary

Hello, August! It's winter in the part of the world where I am nestled. Evening time is the worst when the forces conspire to hit you the hardest and the body's immunity takes a toll. I have been unprepared for it and backed out to find my way in the shell, cozying to the thick blankets to keep me warm.

Image sourced from Google.

How did I fare during the month that flew past like the thick mound of earth? It's the gratitude for July which is now like a lost and past lover gone into oblivion. I like things skittish, good or bad. But, one should be content with what is on the plate. I am grateful that I am able to afford my cappuccino in the regular coffee shop.  The good news is that it is for the first time that I am able to attend my yoga class for seven months without fail. The only time that I missed a session was when a cousin passed away this month but made up for it by attending in the Saturday batch in the same week. My Guru told me that I have made good progress this time and there has been a marked improvement in the stamina. Yoga is empowering and brings so much comfort as well as peace to the mind.

There are things that I wish that my mind and body could do without, the depression and unwanted thoughts. But, I am learning to live and deal with it. To be able to take things in my stride is something that I am grateful to and it no longer affects me like it used to earlier. There are plenty of opportunities on the work front to explore the self by taking on public speaking in front of a small audience. It happened last week. I did make a mess because of the lack of practice and fear where I wobbled and stammered. The students must be thinking, how boring! That's alright. It's a blessing in disguise. We all learn by honing our craft.

The fees for the extra project of running interviews and cover story for our corporate client's magazine finally came and as directed to the company, has been credited to my alternate bank account. Grateful for all extra money coming my way that will be saved for travel. Time to curb expenses and start saving for my holiday that I've been longing since a year. It's the moment to connect to my roots. The small things and everything that I am forever thankful for come in a package. To be able to wake up in the morning, facing the challenges of the day, writing and being in good health are some of the stuff that I am grateful to. The friends that I make and who have been there for me for a decade or year are what make my life a blessing. Or, the amazing books that I am getting to read, from KJO's An Unsuitable Boy to Jhumpa Lahiri's In Other Words or re-discovering Arundhati Roy's The God of Small Things.

Grateful for being able to meet the right kind of people and friends who matter makes it a life-long bond. Over time, we have been able to weather the storms and click through thick and thin. I couldn't imagine what I'd do without them. Yesterday only, it came to my realization that I missed the best friend's birthday and while rummaging through the old papers, it struck me of the amazing times during the college days. The crazy days and we were quite a gang who would get drunk like a fish, indulging into the extreme of life's silliness. We breathed every moment of life. For me, it's gratitude in all its forms. It feels like yesterday only. I thank my stars that the pictures over the years are treasured and the captured moments make me shed a tear of happiness every time that I glean through them. It empowers the soul and reminds of every moment of bliss. Truly blessed I've been.  It was awesome to share the pics from another era on Facebook yesterday and was able to connect with another friend after more than a decade. I am grateful for the small joys of life.

I was having a conversation with an online friend and good buddy Mayura just now who shared how grateful she is for the people who are part of her life. Grateful I am to have her in my life as a friend and she is the cell of gravity that lights up the bulb every time we speak.  It tastes like the mouth watering bite of Pure Magic biscuit that you crunch. Spread the love and be grateful for everything that comes your way.

Love N Forever Grateful


Looming shadow

Battling emotions,

fear and sadness,

insecurity of losing on friends and youth,


the heart will shred into pieces,

body will turn into dust,

mirror will reflect wrinkles,

running away from the reality of existence,

for how long?

bitter pill,

truth that many run away from,

craving for love,

abandoned by destiny,

shadow looming,

fettered by regret,

time is abhorred,

clock swinging fast,

turn it around,

theory of impossibility,

coming to terms?

stop looking back,

wake up,

face the reality,

it hurts,

get a life,

i'm told.



Counting every moment

Ah! Those times!
Whiff and sip of happiness,
rolling like a dream in front of the eyes,
catching the stars snuggled in the dark sky,
fragrance of memory,
beauty of life dazzling like emerald,
sprinkle of the monsoon,
wiped inside the palm,
warmth of hearts,
kindness of strangers,
food wafting from the kitchen,
heart drawn to this place,
longing for its sun, sky, stars and rain,
no end to the limitless joy,
cornucopia of human emotions and simplicity,
no mirage,
but every moment count.



Relationship, space and contradiction

Relationships are temporary and grow fickle in today's times. The rush to jump on the bandwagon of S for Shaadi is passe and taking the plunge to validate this ideology, 'You need a shoulder to lean on' is like living in the times of our ancestors. Dada-ji ke zamaane type doesn't find an echo with today's youth who have already fleshed out their priorities and there is no dearth of it, career comes first for some, love or family matters follows for the rest and globe trotting the universe for the adventurous lot.  One cannot afford to lose on several counts and the need to make things work out from a professional perspective to make money, get experience and shine  takes priority above the need to settle. As far as relationships are concerned, tinder is looming right in front of the window and there is no rubber stamp on sex. In today's times, being casual works perfectly fine for this generation and there is no need to take load.

Image sourced from: Google.

Relationships can wait and one can tie the knot at the later stage of 35 or 40 that is considered to be the new 18. The hitch is that no matter how much we want to get into a relationship with someone or a fling of sort, time comes in the way like a bitch. We become so busy and there is always the fear of not being able to connect the dots. Is there a twinge of regret for not making the most to be in a relationship? It's always a tricky question. Of course, the pressure is always here. In my case, most of my friends are getting hitched and, for that matter, baby showers on social media. I don't feel left out. Long-term relationship was never for me, in the first place. There is always the issue of giving my committed time which has now become a luxury of sort in my frame of mind and the fear of losing the sacred space looms large.

I struggled for a long time to find my mark career wise and it is only now that things are taking shape but somehow I am stuck in two minds. Do I have the time to invest in a relationship? There are so many things to do and being a very moody person, I am not very sure to focus entirely on that one relationship that brings joy or immense happiness to the soul. I am not very sure of how happy I can be in a long-term relationship. Things can be very claustrophobic on this level with expectations and the much needed space since the 'me' time is needed to switch off from almost everything every now and then.

The truth is that it's been ages that I have shied away from being in a relationship after the painful break up which took me long to see things in a fresh perspective. Agree! I am dying to be with someone, go on a regular date, kissing, intimacy, sex and sharing a good laugh. A relationship is not just limited to cuddling or things like that but much beyond that. I rue the lack of time and my silly mind that makes me more confused on whether this date will do me good or something else.

The bundle of contradiction that I am makes me wonder whether I will die without dating for the rest of my life. Or, should I just close my eyes and go on a harmless date? Honestly, I really don't know what I want  in a relationship, be with someone for that matter, even in a short-term relationship. It's a dichotomy since being in a string of relationships empower us and equip the soul with strength. Of course, I mean being in one relationship at one time and not on a multi-dating spree. It happens with an over-thinker like me, dwelling too much on those things as I verge on my mid-30s. Trust me, my love or sex life doesn't even has a sprinkle of excitement. There is nothing on that count and things are quite dull.

Yeah, I have decided to date but minus a strain on my life since I don't want things to take a toll on me. In fact, the real issue is that I am not in India which is making me so reluctant to date someone. May be, closing my eye and let the cosmic energy guide me to a unique date situation.



Splash of love and sprinkle of rain

Windy breeze caressing senses,
Fluffing hair,
Pure love, obsession or madness
thrilling seduction 
Pally mood became a long lost friend 
One fine day it disappeared,
breaking the heart of the wandering soul,
when the sun shone brightly,
waving and offering its tenderness for company, 
crouched slowly to disappear in the distance 
Wound was nursed,
the friend that never was,
law of attraction can be deceptive 
another day rains lashed,
gush of shower sprinkled,
to become the loyal friend,
staying for long,
accompanying the soul in tribulations,
laugh, dance and smile,
swirling to its tune,
taking the form of an enamored lover,
offering memories made in heaven
life is like that only,
seasonal, loyal and moody like the friends we make, 
some last for a life time,
like the splatter of rain,
adding flavor and taste to the cutting tea like the honeydew,
a splash of love and happiness

With love


Violence and mob culture: Modern India must stand up for rule of law, values of freedom and democracy

"All persons are equally entitled to freedom of conscience and the right to freely profess, practice, and propagate religion subject to public order, morality and health."

-Article 25, Indian Constitution

The silence of the Prime Minister, Shri Narendra Modi was appalling and the silent Hindu majority of Hindu could be termed as necrotic on the spate of lynching and beef killing in modern India. Tremulous voices were heard on social media that consisted of feeble voice sandwiched between over aggressive extremists condoning such attacks that gave a false sense of entitlement or belief on one hand and on the other hand, citizens irrespective of religious belief coming together to condemn attacks on Muslims, traders, and consumers of meat. The dichotomy lies in the fact that beef is not religious centric.  

Image credit: Google/India.com

 It reached a point of saturation when reasonable citizens, irrespective of their religious identities, decided to put an end to the break-down of law after 16-year-old Junaid was assaulted and dealt with death in a train on the eve of Eid. It was the time for Indians cutting across community and caste lines to say No to the heinous killing in the name of the Gau Mata.

Since the coming to power of the BJP, the law of the jungle reigned supreme with this idiotic and dim wit Gau Rakshak running loose to brutally assault citizens. We have one Mohammad Akhlaq who was brutally murdered in Dadri, UP for allegedly keeping beef that turned out to be goat meat. It gave us the impression that the voice of reason has lost its might and we failed to recognize the secular India, which seems to loom away by the day and disappearing like dust in the distant past.

 The time for action is now for citizens to engage and say No to such killings in the name of religion. A movement was born as an alternate power to protest in the right direction, #notinmyname. It bears resemblance and was strikingly similar to the Nirbhaya movement where women fearlessly trudged in the open and boldly faced police brutality. It didn't take long to mount pressure on the Government.
Today, PM Modi condemned such attacks in the name of religion and claimed that such killing and intolerant behavior shall not be tolerated. For the first, I saw the PM who somehow got lost in globe-trotting showed that he means business and that he is the Pradhan Sewak for everyone.

 He spoke like a strong statesman and sent a strong message to the warmongerers. I recognized my PM speaking and shall give credit where it is due. It was needed on his part at a time when so many of us were lingering on the verge of insanity and lives were falling.  We helplessly saw our country fading into oblivion, our secular values of respecting faiths crumbling and contrarian views bearing the brunt of intolerance. It is the top most priority to instill the fear of law in those terrorists and murderers.

The worse thing is that those extremists are giving a bad name to Hinduism and rewriting the Hindu scripture to make it the book of violence. It's extremely dangerous considering that Hinduism as a way of life has always celebrated peace, stability, tolerance, and growth of humans to cohabit together as enshrined in the Indian constitution and is being misinterpreted by a bunch of extreme voices. Today, Islam is facing the same issue where few bad and rotten apples are spoiling a religion and its adherents.

The power lies with the people to thrust the Government into action to safeguard and protect rights of both the majority and minority. The mass protests #notinmyname gathered steam and showed the power of an enraged nation coming together in mounting pressure on the political power. It reached the ears of the state which propelled Shri Narendra Modi into action. It was no asunder script where voices were lost. There is the government, the media as the fourth estate and like someone rightly said, the power lies with the people to say no to the forces of terror. India is the biggest democracy on earth which is facing testing times. It was a confrontation with the power of the day but with a legitimate reason. India cannot afford to remain silent when innocents are slithered to death on account of their religious beliefs with demented fools hijacking the country.

Non-peaceful method is one way to confront the forces of evil and one shouldn't be cowed down by the veiled threat of violence raging its might to silence voices. The demented goons hiding behind a religion and assaulting women cannot be my religion. I am born a Hindu. You don't do it in my name. My religion never believed or advocated violence and for instance, the Vedas is a gem that has always preached peaceful living, divinity, and spirituality. Till now, this mob culture gave an impression that their action received a legitimate nod from the Government of the day and the PM where they fearlessly went on a killing spree. Truth is they lack spine on the face of apathy where the state apparatus failed till now to protect the victims. Rise my countrymen and women against such heteronormativity!

There is a perception that the PM hands are fettered by the dangerous forces of Hindutva agenda and it’s extremists agents in the form of RSS and its ilk, VHP, Ram Sena or Bajrang Dal. Today, the PM affirmed his might in holding the reins of the country and in a way, thwarted occult forces of Hindutva to overcome this ‘perception’.  For the first time, I saw the PM, the one whom citizens want to see so that the rule of law triumphs above everything. It is the voice of reason and its citizens that make a nation the shining beacon of democracy.

However, the irony lies in the fact that long after the PM broke his deafened silence, a meat trader was beaten to death and his vehicle perished in flame set by ruffians and mob made of more than 100 people. It's unacceptable in today's India. The supporters of the Government and of this flawed ideology are as guilty as the murderers. We cannot condone such acts. The perpetrators should be brought to the book. Time for the PM's strong words to translate into action. Let the voice of reason rise against such killings and the movement of citizens as a watchdog should never stop till democracy gets back its sheen and voice of sanity so that we become a model to the world.

"King Piyadasi (Ashoka) dear to the Gods, honours all sects, the ascetics (hermits) or those who dwell at home, he honours them with charity and in other ways. But the King, dear to the Gods, attributes less importance to this charity and these honours than to the vow of seeing the reign of virtues, which constitutes the essential part of them. For all these virtues there is a common source, modesty of speech. That is to say, One must not exalt one’s creed discrediting all others, nor must one degrade these others Without legitimate reasons. One must, on the contrary, render to other creeds the honour befitting them.” 

-Plural India in Ashoka's inscription of 3rd century BC

Jai Hind

I abide by the Constitution of India, respect of law, plurality and tolerant values



Celebrating sweetend hearts, divinity and deleting hate

Sweetened meat,
swirling sensation lashing the tongue,
taste of soft words,
gentle whispers,
music stirring the soul
pure love,
delicacies that bind hearts together,
no room for prejudices
hatred shipped to a different planet
the heart only knows how to love
glowing soul
tiny pieces of sparkle
kiss of divinity,
spreading into the veins
sumptuous dinner,
celebrating our differences and emotions,
love has various shades,
hearts are strung together,
one emotion,
our way of love differ,
yet it's symbolism carves its own place,
our heart is the abode of love,
carried in abundance,
 a weapon to thwart effort of haters,
killing innocents,
making them sacrificial lamb,
 a young life killed by mobs,

this Eid,
share love but wear a black band,
say no to violence and cowardice attack,
We are Indians,
we believe in unity and tolerance,
hate shall be met with love.

Happy Eid Mubarak


Gardener of love

Raat ki Rani/ Image sourced from Google.

Sprouting roots,

adorning nature's own garden,

bliss, love, and togetherness



Raat ki Rani,

standing tall in its midst,

fluttering with the breeze,

offering ray of sunshine and hope,

glistening sight,

a shade of the gleaming sun creeping in,

beaming joy of petals sparkling,

ushering pure joy and deeply intense feeling,

a haven of love and togetherness,

cultive the roots,

spray the petals with water,

call it friendship,


music strumming to the ears,

clinking bells in the heart

the gardener of love.





It's not called friendzoned but men-women friendship

It's not a tale of estrogen meeting testosterone and the X-factor of sexual attraction that hinges on everything imaginable. Yes! Not everything needs an electric shock running dizzy in our body to burst alive our sex bubble. Men and women can be friends and need not be in a platonic-cum-fancy one-night stand relationship. Pure friendship exists.

Image credit: Google

It was in the college days when a flatmate that I abhorred told me how men and women can never be friends. I shrugged it off! Stupidity has an invisible human form. There was a time when I was chaperoned by the hottest and most attractive women during my student days where some turned out to be the best buddies that I ever have. Nah! I didn't feel the need to offer my friendship as a shield to hit on them. There were no sour grains. We turned out to be the best of friends.

These women became my confidants and incarnated the 'guys talk' where I discussed anything with them right from the crushes, the woman I was madly in love with and swearing in front of them. Being in their company was pure bliss where we shared everything under the sun. There was no hesitation or constraint that I am speaking to a female and never became conscious to delete words or adjectives. We shared a certain bond. I would call them my 'male buddies.' Yeah! Right! They do the guys talk much better than the males I hanged around with whenever I freaked out about the love (s) of my life. Mind you! These super hot and perfectly beautiful women turned out to be the best companions. I never hit on them for there was a conviction about this riske job where friendship would go for a toss.

We are such a complex and confused society when it comes to the man-woman relationship. It's high time to move beyond this cliche that only one relationship exists between them. Men and women can exist without the sibling relationship and still share a sacred relationship based on deep bonding, respect and minus the attraction or sexual angle. For people who claim that both sexes can never make it as amazing 2 a..m friends probably never had someone of the opposite sex as a chum.

Friendship is sacred and bears no time limit, nor it's seasonal. It's genderless. There is one thing that I have always treasured and been emotional about and its friendship which matters more than anything else. Why paint the relationship between men and women? The moment we do it, the friendship is tainted and ruined forever. It's one of the most beautiful aspects of this timeless relationship. I would always hit off with a female buddy, smoking, watching a movie, go high on a joint and for that matter, catching up with beer. A flurry of shit is exchanged as the conversation veer about everything in life and coming with ingenious solutions that would put Einstein to shame. Poor guy! Must be reeling inside his grave and whining, 'Why the fuck I never came up with this one?'

The boy-girl-man-woman friendship is what vibes are all about. It's not even the friend zoned that naysayers would say and scorn at this relationship which never shies in blossoming in any season of the year. There is a thin line between friend zone and true friendship where the former doesn't even come into play since there is no attraction. OK! Be honest. There might be a certain degree of attraction but it's just a plain and passing feeling. It's a relationship based on trust where we respect each other's space and privacy as humans who bat for each other and standing tall during the rough weather. This friendship hold meaning for nothing can change even after decades.

Yes! A man and woman can be great friends and share a deep cum rooted cum meaningful relationship. It's not about whatsapp group but true dosti that stand the test of times. You don't make friends looking for sexual or material benefits. I think there is a dividing line between attraction or love on one hand and friendship on the other when we speak between the man-woman equation. The rest doesn't matter whether it's society's twisted mind or the faulty eyesight.



Longing and lost on dark boulevard

A seemingly lost road,
unfamiliar boulevard and lanes.
Fazed and disjointed,
I long for a home,
something to call my own.
Craving for new friends,
 a woman to share my life
Momentary love
Isn't it traded on the market of hearts?
A courtesan for company,
nursing tears and healing wounds,
listening to deep dark secrets and whining.
After all, I am paying for company,
in exchange for an ear to listen and tender shoulder,
unbound caress,
adventure frill.
Making love behind the dark walls at night,
admiring tall buildings,
a silent and stranger lover,
we crave for company,
Closed mouth dipped into each other,
healing pain and distress 
rubbing salt on wound of separation 
It isn't just love that ordinary mortals seek,
but exploration of the mind and body,
to quench the thirst.
Encounters in an intriguing city
It may not last an hour
but who cares?
as long as it cuts corner and close gaps.



Lush and mush words in June

Flaky lip,
the taste of liquor and brandy,
swirling on the tongue's edge like a hot, passionate kiss
gulping to perfection,
sending rush of warmth roiling inside the stomach
the drizzling new season
winter has arrived
freezing sensation,
watching the sunshine trot gently
fresh brewed coffee
in the comfort of the coffee shop,
observing the surrounding and occupants swerving.
concocting a story
pure addiction
beautiful women
lone grandpa walking slowly but enjoying life in all it forms
 leaves snuggle on trees,
gyrating to music
crowd lost in translation 
longing for caress and a swing 
It's June
lush and mush words
kissing to make poetry
Cheerz to a new season.



Unsung song and shimmering gold

Shimmering gold
As dark as illusion
Existence is just a pack of lies
Rough and unpolished from the surface
Scratch, scars, and bruise
Flutter of wind,
stroking the senses
Experiencing the intense and emotional form 
Unpolished yellow
Turning into the goldsmith,
to design existence and carving the reflection of stars
As myriad as it gets!
the unsung song
Aren't we all made of clay?
Muddy terrain that we tread,
Wounds injected
Sprinkle lil bit of salt on our rough interiors,
to shine into a flawless spot
We need some polishing to remove the scratch
Our brain wiring emotions
Separating chaff from the wheat
It's our golden moment



Why I have been single for so long?

I don't remember the last time I dated somebody and lost the art of flirting or striking a conversation with a random stranger girl. It's all about net practice, like some of my male friends would tell and urge me to be the wild stallion that I may have been in the past, at a time when people around me are either getting married, being in and out of a slew of casual relationships or flings.

Image credit: Google.

The school days were spent studying and facing the pressure with the same good ole mantra, 'No good marks, no good job and no decent girl with marry you. You can find a girl once you are done with certificates.' Surviving on a measly pocket money for a middle class boy means the chances of taking a girl out is slim. It left me with only one choice, bank robbery. I turned into a speccy nerd whom girls found boring to date. They'd better choose death which means no action for me, sadly. I whined my time fooling around with my 'luccha' friends and time just flew.

There were too many options of beautiful girls to crush on in college and too many choices means a life time went on to decide whom to date or not. There were too many silly crushes that I contented myself my share and the eyes kept craving for the strawberry faces. College life flickered like dust.

See, I am a one man woman and the girl I liked was either taken and poor me was friend-zoned. I waited in vain for her to break with her boyfriend and when the time came, I already moved on to greener pastures. Same old story repeated here.

When it was the time to date with money in hand, work took its own toll on me and there was hardly any time for that. The days were spent waking up early, getting ready for work and sleeping. I forgot what it was like to go around with someone.

I was still figuring out what I wanted to do with life, career wise. Most of the chicks at work were either taken, made a sister and very few had brains whom you can date. You know, mindless conversations and gossips. The worse thing is my silly brain that raised the relationship standard too high post my last relationship where me and my girl had an intellectual level where our minds more than the heart converged. There was no way that I could lower my dating standards. I am no Deepika who chucked the suave Ranbir for Ranveeer. To complicate things, it's my ethical mind that was at play where office romance is a strictly no-no affair. A decade went by without finding that almost perfect someone and my heart goes on. I felt like the male version of Celine Dion from another era.

Losing faith in human relationships with the amount of break ups and marriages going kaput became part of my routine. To top it all, I became so used to be along and single. Bad habits are hard to break. I became cynical with relationships after my break up where my everything was invested in that single relationship. The time I spent to nurse my wound and heal...Time to move on, baby!

With time, I can only admire a beautiful girl from a looming distance and thinking that she is too young for me or too hot to handle. Better, I go back to college days where occasional dating was drenched in memory. It feels like the train has already left the station and there is no one to blame, except yourself for failing to hop on the bandwagon. You are no longer handsome and she is a fucking princess. Smile and move on.

During the college days, a question haunted me: Why aren't I dating? It's simple. I was in a relationship with the gang who was only interested in making merry, fooling around and busy having fun by smoking, boozing and occasional ganja parties. Friends became my life and everything. There was no place for a chick to enter my life or else vows of friendship would've been violated.

The pressure to get married and all that shit where you tend to hit back at parents who keep bringing a prospective match. As it is, matrimonial sites like shaadi.com are for silly people who can't even find someone on their own. Certainly, I don't want to be that guy who goes on a blind date set by parents where the woman finds me bizarely weird.

Books, blogging and the unsuccessful attempt to write this best selling book about imaginary love and sex became my priority. I wanted to become the next Chetan Bhagat in town raking the moolah. A decade flew and still nothing ever happened. Probably, things will not be happening in the next decade of my otherwise routine and mechanical life. Sex is a luxury.

Where all those women that you keep urging me to date? I must find them in the first place. They are nowhere to be found and all my prospective dates or flings are already in marital bliss or busy tying the knot. It makes you go mad.

I've spent a major part of my life paying that personal loan that I took to travel, laptop and expensive phone on EMI. There is no money to take a chick out and the little sanity I have makes it impossible to ask a random woman out online. How despo it sounds?!

At the end of the day, it's all about the aspirations to move away from home and parents exploring life in various cities of the world and the joy of staying alone in an apartment gives me a mental masturbation. I prefer to grow and see life rather than being stuck in the drudgery of marriage and kids.

There is no intention to share my bed with someone for the rest of life. Like my whisky, I like my bed large where I can spread my stiff body and spend my time reading fantasies or the world romance in books that sell like hot pancakes. No one shall invade that space. I am scared of invaders and terrorists...who knows some hot bimbo may be hired to plant a bomb. Dreamer I am! It leaves me with only one option...getting laid.

So, now you get the drift? Stop asking me such fucked up questions about how I should have found a chick in college to tie the knot or someone to make my life.

Love ya all, fuckers


'Cougar' and pulling the strings in mature relationships

It's not a new phenomenon. Not is it about sexual thrills or estrogen-you know that sensation that run like electricity in our body and causing our sexual energy to reach an adrenaline high. It doesn't make men and women, predators, hunters and the hunted, witch or cougar, that attracts younger men. Unfortunately, the various media parlance terminology has cast an ugly shadow on relationships which is most of the time blurred by famous social prejudices and dogmas. The great hypocrisy in society that pulls all strings to control relationships that doesn't fall into their personalized grace. You name it, you get it, shame and guilt with the typical log kya kahenge.

Image credit: Google

The French President Emmanuel Macron is married to his teacher, Brigitte who is 24 years his senior where both have shown that age gap is no excuse for the blooming of a beautifully mature relationship. Would Brigitte be termed a cougar in our present society? I have no doubt on our hypocrisy and uncalled ability of controlling each and every thing or doling of gyaan on how such relationships pollute morality and other fuck ups, born out of the brain child of so-called social norms. There is nothing wrong in marrying someone older than you between younger man and elder women and vice versa. There has been several instances in the past where I have been attracted to women who are much older or younger to me and trust me, there ought not be guilt feelings to that. It whittles down to the personal choice that we make as human beings.

Sadly, we live in a hostile environment where the by-products of society think that it's a legitimate right for them to make our life decisions. It's a blurred path that they love to tread in controlling minds. It's my firm belief that such relationships are based on sexual freedom, empowerment and modernity coupled with maturity in sharing a bond. It's a deep relationship that petty minds cannot understand or weigh in the connection.

The worse about the equation between an elder woman and a young man, on one hand and elder man and younger girl on the other hand, is that very few will blame the man in that. It's a matter of grave prejudice when the woman is always on the receiving end with accusations such as ensnaring the man. Agree, that the term sugar daddy is as prejudicial as cougar but it's during very rare instances that men in such relationships face brickbats.

Moreover, I refuse to see such relationships as a matter of sexual thrills or adventure, and be it for a short-term or long-term relationship, we need to be more open. It is pretty much like inter-caste, inter-race and same-sex love or relationships, where nonsense are blurted out in the name of religion or misplaced morality. It's the plain ego and fear of the patriarch that their so-called established norms are being challenged.

It's a beautiful and admirable to witness the act of love and respect among elder and younger successful couples based on trust. The maturity is inherent, be it sexual, spiritual or on the worldly views where both partners can learn from each other and grow together. I am in awe of people, blessed with the zest for life and energy to feel forever young and daring to shrug off ridiculous comments, social pressures or prejudices. There is a certain dynamism in the so-called 'cougar' relationships.

Of course, every relationship have its own con and is not restricted to the younger man-older woman or older man-young woman or girl. Critics who snub at such relationships often point out that the disinterest in sex at some point will happen, hostility among family or even friends but also an interest of the younger part in someone their age coupled with the lack of spark. 

Hey! A beautiful relationship based on this equation is about maturity. Therefore, the above factors are hurdles that exist in any other relationship. For instance, what is the guarantee that your partner who is exactly your age will not stray or be attracted to someone else? Can a more or else, same age couple stake a claim to sexual compatibility or maturity? I don't think we can give guarantees in today's times. As far as the hostilities are concerned, I strongly believe that it's your life and you are mature enough not to be in the control or mercy of others, be it parents, extended family or anyone else.

No civilized or educated society can thrive on stupid biases and prevent people to live the way they want in their personal relationships. It's high time for words like cougar or sugar daddy be deleted from our dictionary for it fetters our growth and outlook.



Carcass of flesh and eerie night


Vagabond straying alone in the universe's created pathway and dark, empty roads;
 Temptation to sin in the city of lust;
Dark alleys;
Vociferous barking of dogs,
often a despairing call,
distrust of strangers:
Eerie silence in the night:
A temptation too hard to resist:
Of flesh and empty, barren souls;
Craving for tenderness, lusty touch and flowery garden of caress;
Empty souls that we are;
Sensual carcass of flesh,
the illusion of love;
It's plain good fuck that gratifies us;
Mechanical sex;
Sometimes with plain strangers and most of the times under society's stamp of approval;
The traveler in us is desperate;
This journey is an illusion;
Life's portrait can be damaging;
A stark reminder to take things slow;
Knocked down is good;
Stop and breath heavily;
Let the gentle air flow inside;
Close the eyes;
Be dead to the world.



Love Shot: A double-edged sword

It felt like mosquito bites on the arm, nape, neck before they kissed each other madly on lips. The height of passion reached a zenith their naked bodies were rolled inside the white bedsheet. Mad mad love like yesterday never existed and the future will never be. There were no vows or promises made but plain and passionate love in the present.

It was in the flick of minutes that Kashish and Kehkashan fleeced their homes as the former's wedding arrangement was made and she ditched her fiancee, storming their way inside the running train in their small village. The villagers chased them with sticks since they couldn't come to terms with the fact that the two lovers were playing with their honor. The love made by Kashish and Kehkashan would make no sense to the products of patriarch, a committee of five men who call themselves the Sarpanch who takes decision for everyone, except themselves.

Kehkashan lay still and naked, scratching Kashish back as he was inside her. She moaned and he exerted his might, losing his breath. Finally, their love has been consumed as fresh air wafted from the sea flew inside the apartment.

The most faithful of love stories can bear spot of treachery and love is often a double-edged sword. Kehkashan was still feeling him inside her. Kashish froze. A knife pierced his naked body, from the back and cut through his chest. The fiery parents of Kehkashan were able to pull both of them apart but she wouldn't move an inch from the bed. It felt as if her body was stuck like glue to him where no power of athletic hands and legs were able to pull her away. She smiled at them. It was a triumph of victory, their love over the forces of hatred. She already consumed a pill for she knew that they would be chased. It was the love shot. Her hands were firm on Kashish's grip. They were huddled together, two naked bodies in tight embrace where no force was powerful enough to separate them.

Love is one force that can cheat evil. It's a powerful emotion that united Kashish and Kehkashan in life and death. It was their honor that emerged unscathed, as one soul and not two bodies. Their love not only cheated their parents but also death that wasn't prepared to take them in its embrace as full passion furled.



My movie tickets affair

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The charm of glitz and blitz bit me like a bee sting at a very young age when I abhorred to count numbers and remembering formulas which never made any sense to me. It became my universe of imaginary dreams to make them come true. Churning magic on screen to make my world go perfectly round. After all, dreams don't have to be true in real but reel. The silver screen where all worries were forgetting at the flip of a coin and three hours of masti as I sat and gaped in wonder at the fight scenes, romance, tickling fun and songs playing on the big screen. The Hindi movies that I watched over the decades, emulating my favorite stars turned me into the ultimate filmi keeda.

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I am an avid collector of movie tickets, right from the Pune days where E-square became my permanent home watching movies as early as 8.30 a.m or 10 a.m skipping lectures, at lunch time or as late as 11 p.m at night. Movies made me switch off from the real world to enter an ocean of lights, camera, and action. Over the years, movie tickets at the box office, be it in Pune or Mumbai and other places on earth were never trashed but carefully preserved. It became my treasure trove and harbinger of memories.

There is no dearth of movie tickets in various colors with the logo of the theater or multiplexes, the advance bookings made and show timings which I haven't collected. Over the years, the print has faded out and it felt like magic holding this piece of paper in my hand, a reminder of the days that was and the love affair with the movies watched over time.

It's been a joy ride of watching movies and nothing can come between me and my first love, the movies during the first day, first show and throwing taalis and seethis on screen. Cinema is a culture in India and being part of something enshrined in us Indians is something every movie-goer is proud of.  The tickets collected over time shows the loyalty, admiration and hero worship for the stars we revere like anything and the fascination for the magic of film-making who teases us with every aesthetic shot and frame to make movie-watching a grand and opulent affair. It brought us closer to our cities and reality, at the same time. The sheer joy of watching Mumbai our city and places like Marine Drive where we would walk every single day which is shot on a majestic scale makes it so real.  Who says it's all about selling a dream? If it does, who gives a fuck! The magic lies within.

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The cinema tickets reminds us of the first movie watched or the ones I went with the love interest during the carefree days. Cinema is all about the days of romance where it brought us together, holding hands or stealing a kiss in the dark. I am a hoarder and love keeping the movie tickets accumulated over the years for it represents something unique which made me profess my love for Hindi films. There were the classics, blockbuster hits but also the damp squib. Good or bad, it was all about the love for movies.

I still remember the first English film I watched in Pune was Matrix 2 at Vijay Theater and my first Hindi movie was Mein Prem Ki Deewani Hoon. I couldn't get the ticket at E-square which was freshly inaugurated and was a couple of bricks away and the distance of a road, just behind my house. I took the rickshaw and stormed my way to Mangala. Mumbai was another feast and Eros Theatre opposite Churchgate Station was the place I was a regular, enjoying the latest flick at the balcony for just 60 bucks and Stalls for 40 bucks in the days of yore.

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The biggest misnomer in our Indian lives has been the storming of multiplexes that has made cinema an extremely expensive affair. As I glean through my decade-old cinema tickets and the affordable prices, be it Apsara, Sterling in VT, New Excelsior or Liberty as well as Esquare who at that time became a new experience in cinema for Punekars. I remember paying as low as 40 bucks for morning shows in Pune but the same cannot be said, nowadays. Multiplex or traditional theater, the joy of watching movies on the silver screen is the common man's staple in a country like India that must be accessible to everyone. I believe that it's a golden rule.

The clapping of hands and thunderous applause with hero ka entry and punch lines where the audience irrespective of gender, caste or clas whistle loudly is something that could only be experienced in India. The best thing is that nothing can ever beat the joy of sitting on the wooden chair in a typical theater, munch on samosas and watch your favorite stars doing maar dhaar or gyrating to the chartbusters. The tickets trace my journey as an audience who swears by films watching over the years and the thrilling experience of seeing cinema evolve over the years.

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I am a film crazy person. It's my daily diet and cannot imagine living without them. The movie experience in Indian is diverse, whether watching in small theaters or iconic ones and even, for that matter, cool, jazzy and expensive ones. At the time, I even watched movies at Inox at Nariman Point where the ticket price blew my mind and money which I wouldn't normally dispense. Of course, I was mesmerized by the luxury, the super rich crowd and fancy velvet seats where you could order your coffee or popcorn by not moving an inch. You were served right in front of your seat.

It's the experience that makes you love the celluloid to no end. I identify with films. With time, I may watch fewer movies on the big screen but at least in a year, I make it a point to watch a minimum of 10 to 12 flicks. Like they say, Lights! Camera! Action! It's a tryst with destiny. I am a proud filmi child whose movie tickets do all the talking and no power in the world would tempt me to give them away or sell to make a killing on the market. It's my wealth.



A drop of tear

A drop of tear splashing in the ocean

Break up

Knocked down

 Nursing wounds for a life time

The heart that loses its mojo to love again

A kiss that disappeared in the fading distance

Intensity that shook the mountains and trees

Stitching the wounds together,

to indulge in a spree of relationships

It bore no love

Mechanical pleasures

Better to indulge than hurt the self

Romance can be selfish and soulless

As long as it doesn't hurt,

let the indulgences quench the cravings

to fill the gap




Sensual gaze

Wrapped in the blanket,

it feels like we are lost lovers from another world,

united by the wintery jolt and breezy wind that caress the face,

like a sensual and amorous kiss

A fuck is lost in the distance,

the desire to fuck and don't tell

A substitute for love

It's plain sex minus emotions or clinging

Love is a blurred image of human attachment

Pointless and harmless imagination

Of love



Plain pleasure.

Sensual gaze

only if eyes could talk

to make a passionate embrace

coiling into each other

giving wing to momentary adventure

It's no imaginative mind

Yet, the soul wandering in the quest

to touch and caress



Creamy silk and breezy caress

Image credit: Google

Gentle love,

breezy caress,

Stroking of the silk,

untying the sari knot.

Flawless and creamy,

Layers of intimate touch,

Souls feeling and feeding the electrical jolts

Craving and sucking for the core emotions

After all, longing is not in the distant past

Humans make love and caress,

it's food of life

adding zing to existence



Being Personal and living in the moment

It's the last day in April. It's been drizzling and the temperature has cooled down which confines me to sit at home, reading stuff and attempting a personal post on this space. The love story with books continue unabated and I just got myself Ritu Lalit's His Father's Mistress and JK Rowling's third outing, 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. I am back with Potter series after a couple of years and love revisiting HP that meant so much to my generation.

I didn't take part in the April A to Z challenge after three consecutive outings and it's time to pull the plugs. I had my fair share and it becomes increasingly difficult to write for every single day of my life. I am happy that I don't feel the pressure which can drain the energy. One should write when the heart is in and not force oneself. These days, meditation and yoga are very helpful to curb the depression. I can say that things are improving when I look back to the past three years where I didn't have control over my life and the mind embroiled into unwanted thoughts. I am learning to be more aware in the Power of Now that helps one to live in the moment.

It brings me to the thought that I've been mulling over for several years, shifting back to India. The only hitch is the expensive house rent in cities like Mumbai and Pune which is holding me back. It got me thinking how time is flying and not making the most of life signifies that one is losing especially when the clock doesn't stop to suit one's own fancy or plans. Sometimes, I get tired of this self-reasoning or others reminding me that things will happen on its own. No. It doesn't. One must push things and the self to the edge. As I read about the life of thespian actor Vinod Khanna who passed away last week, his colleague and friend Kabir Bedi told how he left glamor and successful stint to embrace spirituality in US. The time he decided to come back to India, he had no money and survived in a humble room. Isn't it inspiring? God bless his soul. A true legend that lives forever in our hearts like his iconic screen name Amar from Amar Akbar Anthony.

In life, we should be ready to pursue happiness and make adjustment to survive on the bare minimal to adapt to our circumstances. That how we thrive and succeed.  When I read about such things, I am like, why not get back to India since for me it equates happiness. I need to wire my brain on accepting to compromise on luxury, struggle and expect the unexpected. It can be a long time being away for 8 years and time to weigh my options, either Mumbai or Pune. The hitch in Mumbai is the expensive lifestyle but Pune wouldn't be a bad deal to start all over again. As it is, Pune will always be home to me. I am in my mid-30s and feel that time is running. I need to catch the ball, swing and throw it on life.

There are so many things running in my head which are no less than the stormy river. The good news is that this week I have been able to work on my novel and wrote thrice a week which is a positive sign. I have already chucked out half draft to restart all over again since the book has dragged for more than three years. Guess, it's better to start again with the love story set in Mumbai that I am striving to pen. The perk of being a stay-at-home with a decent earning every month helps me to work on the book and come May, I shall flesh the stuffs with specific days to write the novel, reading, and the blog. As it is, it's one of my pet peeves to do so many things in a day which can be so counter-productive where one end up not doing anything worthwhile.

Going into self-analysis mode has been one of my biggest weakness that robs me of my sleep. This week I haven't been doing so well where I ended up staying awake and tossing on the bed throughout the night. There were frustrating moments where some people made some unwanted comments and I so wanted to put them in the place where they belong. Over-thinking doesn't work for my sanity and the frustration gnaws my sense of being. It compelled me to take some sleeping pills and last night, it did wonder to me when I slept till noon. Whatta perfect way to spend the Sunday! The only hitch is that I missed watching Bahubali-The Conclusion.

Till then, see you soon and have a happy Sunday. I am gearing up for this extended holiday as Maharashtra Day being celebrated tomorrow and the country I am based, it's also May Day. Happy Maharashtra Day.



Love Shot: Sunset of love...Have faith my love!

 It was not the unusual evening in SoBo where hearts were expected to melt and thrive like the oceans and seas. The crowd swarmed its way at the beach to munch on savories, hot pancakes, Masala dosa, Pav Bhaji to their heart contentment and sip on their favorite Falooda and Cola drinks.

She sashayed out of her brand new green Skoda car and signaled the driver to take a tour in the city, to get rid of his glaring eyes which scanned her every movement. Holding the chappal in her hand, her naked feet soiled in the sand which sent a sensual movement running inside her shaped toes. It brought to her a certain peace and kept her false hopes alive as the windy breeze brought a tide of change, fluttering her hair towards the sea. She felt some magic unfurling its might.

 He was watching her from a distance and smiled as every step that she made on the white sand wouldn't slip his furtive eyes that scanned her silhouette. He couldn't dare to let her shadow slip in the calm night. The lover boy imagined them playing footsie together. He had to make a move now or else the driver will come, anytime soon to pick her and they would disappear in the skycrapers hiding emotions in the richest city, hiding her existence with obnoxious wealth. She was oblivious of the man  who was watching her and the GPS enabled device on his smart phone tracking her car.

She was his college sweetheart and whom he would admire from a looming distance. He was too shy to make a move. She never gave him a second look. After all, life deserves a second chance and he is going to grab the opportunity. He knew that every week she comes here to be all alone by herself and to nurse the wounds of the past. It's been 10 years that they left college where she went on to shine in her life and one fine day, an upset took a toll on her life. Deep inside, she is still a sensitive and innocent girl who believes in the Prince charming, admiring the seas and stars at night. She loves the moments of solace all by herself where she is permitted to dream and trot at leisure on the beach wherever her naked feet takes her. If only, she could fly like the birds...

A smile popped on his face, admiring the still night and tiny dots of fleeting stars in the sky. The entire universe are conspiring to bring them together and he sees no reason why their love would fail tonight. Destiny can be a thriving force. It's his inner belief in the purpose of love and magic wrapped like gifts for the two souls to intertwine together. The wave awashed on the sand and her feet was soaked into the cold water. It rekindled in her the desire for love and longing for someone special.

She turned her gaze and rolled her jeans till her knee, walked away from the water when her eyes caught the fancy of colorful cards in yellow, red, blue, pink and green.The cards read in beautifully handwritten Olivia, clipper and Italic scripts which was spread over the walk way on the sand, smeared with rose petals with the name Sonali. She was at first scared, surprised but felt like the Gods listened to the sound in her heart. But, she was also intrigued by the silently anonymous lover who seems to know everything about her, 'Sonali! The most beautiful girl courted by every boy at Xavier's in SoBo...Crazy we were about you...We should always give love and life a chance...Hold the hand that touches your tender heart...I may have been ignored by you but my heart is pure'.

Oh! Gosh! Sonali leapt and the thought about this guy who knew her slightest nerve made her shiver. It didn't prevent a beam on her face. She turned around and saw a tall, lanky man dressed in a white shirt and black trousers folding his hand and expressing a devilishly romantic smile.

Sonali was at a loss of words and apologetic for ignoring him in college as her past life suddenly haunted her in a livid manner. After all, he was not cool like the other boys but realized on the spur of the moment that Shiv was the silent lover who admired her every single day. He had no chance then but today he would beat all the guys to death. Sonali already took a decision. Shiv put his hand on her lip, "There is no need to say anything. If you have faith in my love and ready for a new sunset, the boat is waiting for us."

Sonali traipsed like a princess to fall in Shiv arms and with a feeble smile said, "Carry me inside the boat before the car comes." In a matter of seconds, the boat sped its way with Sonali and Shiv in a tight embrace sitting on the arm chair and not leaving each other as their intense eyes were drowned into the sea of love. They wouldn't leave each other's sight and hands as if an earthquake will shatter lives.

With love


Bridge of shame

A dark night.

A courtesan for company

Beating loneliness

Cheap alcohol for company

Stray dogs and cats nursing the wounds

Lethal drug consuming the soul

Heavenly trips

A shadow on the trail

Silent owls growling


The voice within,

go and chase that dream

Sheltering less honorable souls

The bridge of shame

Unfolding the red handkerchief

Deal time

Quenching the hunger

Paid in torn notes


Signs of happiness

Happiness is no commodity available for sale on the shelf of the supermarket or a bartered good in exchange for a favor. It cannot be traded be it in our relationships or something else like swapping for luxury. It's about living in the Now moment and be aware of every moment in life, the deep breathing that we take, conversations that make us present or admiring nature in all its forms. In fact, it goes beyond everything during our daily interaction whether it's through the compliment we make and receive or by making a difference to someone's life by giving freely. Happiness is a Karmic thing. It often takes the form of fighting our inner demons, surmounting obstacles in life and smiling over issues that afflicts us. It's seamless and unlimited.

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For me, happiness can be as simple as helping someone and brightening up faces or enjoying a cup of chai at the tapdi. I derive utmost joy in the simple things of life or the five minutes meditation that I  make to be more aware of my soul and the surrounding. There are efforts being made to be more conscious of my human presence and that of the spiritual leaning that I am working towards. I look forward to my weekly yoga class with my Guru who teaches us the different postures, being chided for the wrong movements and working on the body exertions or limits that I lack. Surya Namaskar, for instance, has helped me to concentrate better. We are often corrected by the Master and laugh together at the smallest mistakes that we make in class. The joy is immense and cannot be quantified by money or any other form of materialistic pursuit.

I have always felt that happiness has eluded me when I look at the past struggling years and the fact that I am not able to immediately shift back to Mumbai and Pune, the cities that gave me everything in life. But, it's a a flawed yardstick for happiness is an ongoing process. My philosophy of life resumes in the organic growth in all directions and absolutely love it when life surprises me in all its forms, when I least expect things to happen. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and immense joy that words cannot express. 

As humans, we are always limited in some form or the other and it's the best that can happen to us since it sets the stage to grow and surmount obstacles that we often face. What fun if life was always a bed of roses? It would be a so boring to exist and we would content ourselves with what we have and not raising our standards at all. It's one way to look at happiness. Raising one's standard and not building expectations help us to accomplish so much in life, never abandoning in the face of defeat.

The most beautiful aspect of life happens when we face adversity in life and still we are able to sparkle faces with a smile despite our energy is sucked to the core is a sign of happiness. Our attitudes to personal tribulations and the downhill we take help to define our past, present and future is a sign of the good times or joy that will come our way. It's perfectly normal to be irritated, become dull and don an angry avatar. But, what matters is the genuineness in us which comes alive. One can claim to be truly happy when no matter how browbeaten we become, we do not become evil or negative but keep spreading smiles in our surroundings. 

Making mistakes is natural. It's one thing that we should always make and keep learning for it's a sign of joy that will manifest itself which makes us grow in its midst. The life trajectory of  a human being is about taking pride in the learning curve offered by life and always making small improvements. It's the biggest competition in life where every day we climb one small step towards human happiness.

A truly happy person is someone who will not compare itself to the world as this optimist soul believes in competing with the self every single day without putting anyone down. Personally, I believe in this quote, 'High tide lifts all boats.' It something that a truly happy person will aspire to and will never shy in helping someone in the same field. Life is not a race but a journey that we reach by uplifting others.

Our existence is like the petal that adorns every single action that we make, adding sheen to the garden of life with beauty and watering the plants that blooms every new season. We are the petal, roots and water at the same time that ushers the positive vibes of happiness at every moment in the atmosphere. We are happiness. It's a soulful experience in our quest to feel everything beautiful. After all, we are spirits that soar high in the sky to leave traces of joy in this circle that binds humans together.

With love


Letter to mere yaar's ki ex-girlfriend


That's how loved ones and admirers call out to each other right! It's been a decade now and time for me to pull the curtain to declare of my being your secret admirer, babe. You must be the hottest chick around that I may have seen or met. Actually, the word 'babe' is a wrong way to call you. We know each other, right. But, you know those stupid rituals that prevented me from asking you out. Hold on! It might be stupid for you but sacred for me.

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After all, you were dating my buddy and in fact, you guys broke up. But, you know how it is between friends. We draw a morally right circle that we promise not to transgress.  Friendship has always been sacred to me where we don't dare to cross the lines. But, you see I am human. You were too hot to handle in college. I cannot be blamed for being attracted to your appealing features. After all, human beings have desires. No! It doesn't make me a traitor friend or sinner.

Once you asked me why I was silent and perhaps, deep inside you knew the reason or you didn't for that matter. Anyway, that's not important. What matters is the 'dangerous attraction' I nurtured for you and the envy to hold your hand, caressing your features and stealing a light kiss. I shall not go deeper into that. It's an unsent letter that you will never see. We are in touch on some social media channel. You are already married to someone else and not to my buddy. So, I guess that things hardly matters now.

But, this letter in all its forms has to be sent somewhere in this world and I gotta vent out for mental peace. Actually, venting out is so overrated as an epithet to describe the state of mind. Honestly, how I wish one day we could sit over coffee and me declaring the flame for you, going back in time, Pehle baar we dekho each other and how it sent the adrenaline rushing or getting drawn to your physicality or calm demeanor. I loved your long and jet black hair. Your gaze and the way you react to things, walking with the unique charm as if you are a bride getting ready for the saat phera. It wasn't love at first sight. But it was an attraction,  a plain crush and the desire to make love to you. An adventure that I wanted to be part of the growing up and fond memories during those carefree days. How I loved your soft and silky creamy in those days?

 Suppressing the matters of the heart is the biggest lie we men love to tell ourselves where we often forget how human we are. Though not many would believe it, a man is human and born with feminine appeal that cares for the world and that special person for whom he can go soft on, fighting the world and singing, 'My Heart will Go On.' This is another facet of love. You were the object of manly desires in college. You were a bombshell. You are still one. It was not just about being sexually desirable but it goes beyond that. There were an emotional bonding and connection that we could have done with. I could have called you Saakhi, a companion which is free from the bondage of attachment where the light would have traversed between our souls. There are so many things that we could have been or done together! I don't mean worshipping our beauty and being content with only holding hands together as the flowers bloom together.

I choose to write this letter after more than a decade, when most of us have moved on different directions in life. I feel that the line between friendship and falling for someone is quite blurred. There are different ways of looking at things from a relationship perspective. Would I fall for a friend's muse? It gets complicated. On one hand, there is something called friend's loyalty and on the other lies emotions that make us human beings. It's a major flaw, in fact.  Should we cease to be humans? By that, I don't mean Salman Khan's tee.

I don't know whether I would like things to stay inside me. Perhaps, you should know better or had an inkling of things. Does it serve any purpose? It makes me wonder. Yes, at the end of the day. I may still choose friendship over dating you. Babe! You rock and you know that.

We shall get closure about the whole thing the day I decide to bare my heart open. After all, we belong to the young generation who hate to make things complicated and both of us shall still laugh over things.



Frosty night, fluid love

Image credit: Google

Frosty night
Candle romance bringing lonely hearts together
A new adventure with thrills
Chuck out the burden of relationship
No promises made
Two strangers, one memorable night
Tasting the liquor of lips
Stranded in the rain
Wine quenching the thirst of the chilly evening
Skins touching and caressing each other
Licking fingers
Gentle kiss on the belly
Tomorrow shall be another day
Missing the strains
Cut the strings
Two mellowed souls
Making mad and passionate love to each other
Who says touches has to be tightened with a belt
Unlock it
Love is fluid



Friends after Break-Up

Relationships are made in heaven. It's an often read phrase that goes over the top and time for us to burst this over glamourized myth when suddenly everything burst like an inflated balloon. You've been in a relationship for long when suddenly you realize that both of you are not compatible. It's the time for break up, whether it's a marriage or dating. The big question is: Can you be friends after a break-up? It's not as easy as it seems and there is a whole range of complications that prevent us for painting an ideal picture about couples staying in touch. But, it's also true that in new age relationships, couples can stay in touch and maintain a healthy equation.

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Leave on a good note 

There are many relationships in which couples leave on a sour note. It's the biggest mistake that they make. It shouldn't be awkward next time that both of you, who have moved on with different partners, happen to cross each other path. You shouldn't be nursing wounds and pent up and frustrating feeling building up inside your heart. If needed, talk it out before calling quits and leave in a positive manner. That way, it will make it healthy for your future relationships and just drop a cheerful hi to each other next time you meet.

Be respectful to each other

I strongly believe that no matter how ahead you've moved away from each other, it's important to honor a relationship that was and returning personal gifts shows a lack of respect to what existed between exes. Even in a moment of fury, keep your calm and never get personal by trading insults with each other. It will signal the death of the wonderful and positive moments spent together while at the same it will make it unhealthy to maintain peace or stay in touch, for that matter.

Never shift blame
If you are no longer with each other, do not assume that you can get away by shifting blame to the other person when both of you have moved on. Never say that he or she was fully at fault. It takes two hands to clap. Always remember that. The moment you shift blame, it will reduce to zero the chance of keeping in touch with other.

Be a mature person 

Never back bite the person you were in a relationship with and don't ever let a third party do that for they know very less of this relationship. It's disrespectful and shows a lack of respect of what lied between the both of you. Have a frank conversation with the person that meant the world to you and tell how much he or she will always carve a place in your heart and memories will be carried to your grave. Kiss her on the forehead for the last time not without telling that you would like to keep in touch. I'd say that as you part ways, tell him or her to inform of all the good news, be it exam results, marriage so that you may congratulate or even lows, feel free to share. That way, the person knows that you will always be here. Isn't it healthy and beautiful? Who knows with time, you can share a cup of coffee together and laugh over things.

Heal yourself

Break up can be painful. Pent up emotions can worsen things. Before parting, vent out and unload the burden in your heart for it's an opportunity to clear misunderstanding. Speak and vent out but listen and let the other person speak in a calm and composed tone. Cry if you may but heal yourself completely for who knows you may not see her smile for you or jokes making you laugh. You will no longer be able to fight and make up. Hug each other tightly and heal your soul.

Divorced, lived-in couples and children

You shared a life together under the same roof, be it as a lived-in-partner or a married couple with or without children. It gets very tricky when you have children and this is where you must use your charm in keeping the good relationship or understanding alive if you want to remain friends. There might be kids date with parents if you choose to be together during such meetings and make sure that you don't let anything negative filter during such moments. Always be respectful to each other. Of course, divorce proceedings often take a long time and when you meet in court, do drop a hi to each other even if you chose to maintain a distance. I have a friend who parted ways with her husband on a positive note and she told me that he is a wonderful man who will always be family for he is the father of her daughter. I think such a maturity is needed if you are a divorced couple and there is a need to shed ego or baggage for that matter. Every relationship is beautiful and the ones which are non-existent, can be designed like an art form.



Things I want to do in the next two years

 I am a procrastinator. I keep delaying thing forever.  Ultimately, nothing gets done and I keep cursing myself for that. It's Now or Never. Time to work on the very short goals, one at a time, to get things done and dusted. There are few small things that I should do and be armed with the determination to fulfill them. There is no point dilly-dallying like this. It's simple but I've made them a herculean task as if I am climbing a mountain of snow.

1. Learn driving
Driving is a necessity in today's time. It's a real shame that I am in my mid-30s and clueless about driving a car. It's a phobia that I have about driving but need to tackle and overcome it at the earliest. Come next month, I am determined to buy the rule book about the road and grab the leaner's license before steering the wheel.

2. Start saving money

I have already started on that and have an SBI account which will now be used to save money for the yearly holiday, buying the expensive iPhone and to have funds for the rainy days. I don't have any saving and last month was the first time that I transferred 2k in my second bank account. Mom keeps urging me to put some notes and coins in my piggy bank. I have also joined a life insurance scheme this month.

3. Write a poetry book

It's been a real struggle to work on my novel and it's been going on for a couple of years. It's time to give wings to my dream of being a published author and a short poetry book is very much possible.  Now, I need no lame excuse not to do it and every week, I will write a poem to get it saved on my laptop. I also have plans to revive my short stories which I wrote in a note aeon ago and need to scan them on the laptop.

4. Learn a new language

There are so many different languages which I want to learn and it's not humanly possible to do every one of them. At least, I can start with Spanish or German or fulfill the old dream of being comfortable with my Marathi which I know few basic words only. I have two books on Learning Marathi and think that I will devote one hour every fortnight, reading and taking notes.

5. Travel every year

Now, this plan seems a bit far-fetched but there is no reason that I cannot dream big on meeting new people, go on an adventurous thrill and live the life of a local in a new place. I want to travel places and discover myself as a free spirit. The hitch is that I don't have such kind of money but if there is a will, there is a way by offering my freelance services as a writing professional and saving more cash by cutting on unnecessary luxury expenses and smoking.

6. Push myself to the edge

I need to be young again and experiment with life by taking risks without being wary of the consequences, something that I haven't done in a real long time. I am scared of things and events. It's the time to overturn the tide and trust my instinct to boost my confidence. I wanna stop playing safe to uplift and empower myself.

7. Keep up to date with my diary

I have a personal diary since 2010 and need to be more regular, sharing in private and opening my heart out.  In today's stressful times, we are not shielded from a depression or emotional shake up and writing is one medium which is very therapeutic, far away from online forums such as blogs to face our identity and let the real us come alive. I promise not to miss out this wonderful companion which is the personal diary.

Happy Sunday


Mighty heart of a child

Tiny lil fingers counting stars in the sky
Running to grab bubbles flowing in the air
Innocent days of crying over the missing puppy
Caressing the fur of cats
The best companion of a lonely child
Running after animals in the farm
chasing the birds
The mighty heart of a child
It knows no fear or prejudice
Singing silly
Making faces and waving to strangers
Love like feeling percolating in the atmosphere
A heart capable of loving knows no hate
Grown-ups, are you listening?
 Take it from a kid
Love, emotions without border