Has social media made us lame communicators?

Communications is key for any relationships to thrive. In today's age of social media, read FB with 2000 plus connections, Insta Love or Retweets, one can bet on our connections beyond comments. The truth is that we have lost the art of harnessing relationships or communications skills when everyone is suddenly gung-ho about their social media achievements and one can wonder on the number of friends on display. The moot question is: Who are our real friends, with whom we speak regularly. 

Wanna bet! There are few who are our true friends in this virtual world and the whole FB triumph has made us lazy when rather than picking up the phone speaking to a friend or planning a lunch meet, we end up sending a WhatsApp forward. This whole forward or virtual e-greetings for birthdays, Diwali or New year has made us lame communicators where deep inside this fear of not meeting and bonding physically has become our new truth. I often wonder whether we are for real in the first place or just turned into some digital robot, typing greeting or Whatspps whenever it suits us.

For instance, I may speak loads to a Whatsapp contact or on social media but may be, will be at a loss of words in meeting the person. I think this says a lot on the communication skills suffering and reason why we should meet more often with people not only to break the ice but also getting to know each other. Time for us to loosen a bit for the digital world has stiffened our souls. 

 Do a test and just drop a genuine Hi to your random FB connection beyond comments, asking to call them or catching up. The answer is simple: There are very rare cases when you will get a reply and forget about meeting up for we have become remote-controlled by the world of Insta that works like another version of friends with benefits. Basically, you like my posts and I like yours. Honeymoon over. Sadly, that's how the entire things pan out.

 Of course, there are few people who became good friends on social media and despite we haven't met physically, we make it a point calling and speaking endlessly on the phone. But, I can count on my fingers the number of such connections but blame it not on others but ourselves for we are busy beyond words but too selfish in making the effort in expressing love or appreciation beyond the world of status messages or Tweets.

Hitting base with old friends

You haven’t spoken to each for ages and Facebook notification pops open with friend suggestion what with the dozen common connections. What to do? Click on the profile and see how much they have changed over the years, on a travel spree, married with kids, sporting a fat belly or flat abs.  The friend you would swear upon once in a dusted time may have hardly changed in appearance but your equation certainly has. Quite tricky when both of you have moved in different directions in life. Hit the friend request or not! Probably you would ponder on giving a miss to the add button. Anyway, no harm in adding the person and give them time in reverting to you.  Put plainly, swallow pride or ego to send a harmless Hi or simply wave.

Now that you are friends, checking the social media pictures or status to gauge whether they’ve turned into Bhakts or sickulars, Modi Bhakt or Raga fan is quite something. Trophy girl friend or wife and Richie Richie husband. Don’t we all do that! A decade may be quite a long time or five years flitting by but nothing on earth hurt in sharing phone numbers to take it on Whatsapp. The latter is quite a medium what with forward messages makes it easy and smooth to trigger conversations or phone calls.

Buzzing a long lost friend for few minutes’ conversations can break the ice, first with formalities on what you’ve been up to kinda chat and the trick lies in not keeping the conversation too long. That way both of you are able to nurture the mental and real space of connecting with each other. I personally believe long conversation can be a drag, particularly when speaking to someone after a span of time and the uneasiness creeps for you don’t know what to tell.

Do not hesitate to send a personalized message on birthdays and birth of babies or give a short but sweet call.  There are special occasions serving the right purpose not only to hit it off but also reaching out. It goes a long way and time is a magic weaver.

At times, too much water has fallen under the bridge and pretending each other’s doesn’t exist in remembering an old age tiff. We all have our stories of friendship turned sour. I have mine. After some time, a short phone call came out of the blue and random conversation on Facebook about almost everything. Done deal! Yes! Since there is always a possibility of old chums not wanting to be in touch, wish them well, keep the good memories in the heart and march ahead.

Is WhatsApp or social media defining new age relatonships?

Online space is defining and reinventing the way we love, connect on a deeper level and giving an altogether different meaning to friendships. As cliché as it may sound, Hare ek friend zaroori hota hai! A date could be set on Facebook or to a lesser extent on Twitter but have you thought about meeting on WhatsApp! I feel it’s safer to connect on phone. 

Nothing new about it. Of course, during the older days-I already feel like a monument-we flirted through SMS what with the Extra talk time package or free messaging-getting to know each other or meeting up. Love in the time of WhatsApp is the real deal. I’d still go for a relation carrying no burden or guilt.

Friendships carved without meeting someone face-to-face and the blogging connection cemented our bonds, taking it further on WhatsApp. A random encounter with a girl on Facebook and we added each other on WhatsApp, with harmless flirting, calls and voice recording. Yet, nothing happened for we realized we had nothing in common after some point. The fact that we are based in different countries didn’t really help us and we called it quits.

The WhatsApp romance is quite tricky and complex, making me wonder whether we can take things ahead. Quite a tough nut to crack and though, there is no denying the fact, people actually dated through this blind encounter. I just made a new friend on Whatsapp. Don’t get colorful ideas. It’s just platonic friendship and sharing things with each other for there is no scope for something serious. She has her life and I have my mine. Friendship and romance are two different coins, pretty much like western and central railways that never converge. We can make awesome friends that bear no place for a relationship. It’s about being each other’s support system and always good to connect with souls having similar interests, unlike the classic Facebook tagline.

We need friends or people to nurture an emotional quotient. One good thing about social media friendship and growing closeness with no strings attached-I don’t mean it in an intimate way-is that it brings us back to the distant past of college friends and creating memories, to add happiness and spice to break away from the monotony of a stressful life.

The countless forwards, funny memes and videos shared with hundreds of connections seem mechanic at times. Some like it. The rest will just ignore them. A fleeting chance that one of your connections will take the opportunity to strike a conversion and bang, this moment dawned that you can really connect and have so much to share beyond repetitive images. A chance encounter to take things ahead may be meeting for coffee or movie date. Classic tale, right.

Romance or plain friendships, Whatsapp is reinventing the way we see our relationships with folks or getting to know new people. Granted, social media has killed old age friendship or romance of meeting someone in a public space but getting to know each other through the smartphone is a deal. Quite an open question on how the digital world is altering our equations.  Can it lead to a stronger bond or something substantial remains a big interrogation mark?

 

Finding love after marriage

Marriage is a serious business about commitment, companionship, spicing up the sex life and equality transcending the traditional patriarchal norms or status quo imposed by a traditional society.  Love is often part of the knot tied like hair plait but is often at odds with marriage.

There was a time when the young generation would openly rebel against arranged marriage since it was imposed by parents and was about two families entering into a union of sort. How can we be part of a business plan or the classic argument, you don't just marry a person but a family? I have a serious issue with the latter point since marriage, love or relationships are about two souls coalescing together.

Image credit: Google

 The entire complexity of arranged marriage has slowly changed with social media, popular websites to the tune of shaadi.com or finding someone on social media sites like Facebook. There are no dearth of successful marriage online, or others that crumble. But, doesn't it hold true for love marriage as well? The bigger question is, can we find love after marriage?


 First, love can be cultivated between two human souls getting to know each other after entering the sacred bond. There is a sense of togetherness, shared happiness and discovering the person in a better way. Who knows you may just find your soulmate in an arranged set up with loads of similarities as you get to know each other! The first trait for a couple to converge is respect and the way you treat each other. After all, we are humans born out of love which is groomed and blossom with time.

 Secondly, compromise in a relationship is not love. Nor marriage is an institution to satiate ego or control. The C for Compromise is the wrong start that beefs up the wrongs of ego and control, meaning the death knell of a relationship. Starting the relationship with an open mind, removing all prejudices that may crop up will go a long way to help you nurture a super successful association.

 Thirdly, an arranged marriage involves parents but at the same time, it is important for the couple to draw a line to ensure that there is no third party interference in their relationship. There are many households where parents of both the bride and groom keep popping up. Therefore, open up conversations with parents through dialogue to make them understand that you value your personal space and thoughts as grown-up adults. One of the best ways for such a partnership to work is to spend and give time to each other's parents, understand them, press on them to share childhood anecdotes of your spouse and often play Santa by showering gifts, visit, companionship or whipping their favorite dinner. That way, the parents will understand and help you in times of crisis but also go a long way to cement bond with in-laws.

 Fourthly, breaking the ice is a must once you are married for I have seen couples withdrawing in a shell over the unhappiness of getting into an arranged marriage. Give your partner the time to open up, respect his or her space but at the same time be encouraging of their passion or interests pursued. Take it slow when it comes to sex which is an important facet of a successful marriage but at the same time do not hesitate to ask about their ex-flames without being judgmental. Treat it like a date and turn into a love marriage by being open about everything while getting to know each other.

Lastly, every marriage be it arranged or love, have the fair share of highs and lows. Not all arranged marriages may turn out to be a heavenly match like Band Baaja Baraat. There are lots of hard work and investment that a couple has to work on. The rule is simple: You don't believe in something, don't get into it. I am no advocate of arranged marriage nor I am hitched but sharing my thoughts on a trend which is catching up with the young generation. Though I prefer love marriage, there is no denying that our emotions resemble flowers that bloom.

With Love

V

Name choosing and name calling! Taimur is a name, relax Troller!

Social media can be disgusting. Trollers are the most pathetic idiots wearing blinkers and the garb of misplaced patriotism to give the world lessons. It's the most shameful thing that happened when Kareena Kapoor Khan gave birth to a baby boy and christened him Taimur Khan to see Twitter resorting to all kind of name calling and insults. We are shameful as people.

What's in a name? one is tempted to ask. The kind of hate that poured on Twitter reveals the character of people sitting idle and not doing anything worthwhile on the internet. It's a shame how some people are hating the parents, Saif and Kareena, and the innocent baby that came into this world. I mean, how ridiculous can it get with folks who got nothing to do with the child, resort to name calling and questioning the patriotism of the parents. Nowadays, everyone decides for the other. What is the relationship between the name of a child and patriotism?

Minding one's own business is something that most of us don't get and we barge uninvited into the lives of others, claiming to be the biggest patriots of all. Those social media bigots had a field day, questioning the parents and it's shameful to see the name calling, slut shaming, and verbal abuse. It makes one wonder whether isn't it high time to send the abusers to jail for spreading such hatred. There are so many national issues, such as demonetisation, corruption and how to make India better as a country rather than poking one's nose into other people's personal matters.

We have become such fearless bastards wearing a veil and hiding behind social media to type 140 odd words as if it's our sole claim to fame. Such trollers go on a rampage, thinking it's their birthright to save the world and we are the new soldiers to guard the country against names. At least, do something better with your life. Spewing such abuse rather than spreading love reflects on our herd and stone age mentality! It shows what kind of upbringing such haters have got and how desperate they can get. It's such a sick mentality.

Perhaps, it's a psychological thing for such spineless 'bastards' to show their chauvinism and aggression on the internet. It shows one thing: How suppressed emotions we have and we get a sadistic pleasure in venting out on people that never harmed us in the first place. I wonder on this form of defense mechanism to justify on our own shortcomings as human beings. We are the first one to be racist. It's just a name people. You have a name. No one hates you for that. Your name doesn't make you a patriot or a good human being but it's your deeds.

One can only hope that we will be more compassionate and spread love rather than hatred as we usher in a brand new year. It's the very least we can do in our personal life, relationships and on social media. Make a vow not to be spineless to attack an innocent baby. It's not cool to mock someone or spread hatred, questioning their patriotism. 

Happy New Year 2017.

Be the change

Vishal