Has social media made us lame communicators?

Communications is key for any relationships to thrive. In today's age of social media, read FB with 2000 plus connections, Insta Love or Retweets, one can bet on our connections beyond comments. The truth is that we have lost the art of harnessing relationships or communications skills when everyone is suddenly gung-ho about their social media achievements and one can wonder on the number of friends on display. The moot question is: Who are our real friends, with whom we speak regularly. 

Wanna bet! There are few who are our true friends in this virtual world and the whole FB triumph has made us lazy when rather than picking up the phone speaking to a friend or planning a lunch meet, we end up sending a WhatsApp forward. This whole forward or virtual e-greetings for birthdays, Diwali or New year has made us lame communicators where deep inside this fear of not meeting and bonding physically has become our new truth. I often wonder whether we are for real in the first place or just turned into some digital robot, typing greeting or Whatspps whenever it suits us.

For instance, I may speak loads to a Whatsapp contact or on social media but may be, will be at a loss of words in meeting the person. I think this says a lot on the communication skills suffering and reason why we should meet more often with people not only to break the ice but also getting to know each other. Time for us to loosen a bit for the digital world has stiffened our souls. 

 Do a test and just drop a genuine Hi to your random FB connection beyond comments, asking to call them or catching up. The answer is simple: There are very rare cases when you will get a reply and forget about meeting up for we have become remote-controlled by the world of Insta that works like another version of friends with benefits. Basically, you like my posts and I like yours. Honeymoon over. Sadly, that's how the entire things pan out.

 Of course, there are few people who became good friends on social media and despite we haven't met physically, we make it a point calling and speaking endlessly on the phone. But, I can count on my fingers the number of such connections but blame it not on others but ourselves for we are busy beyond words but too selfish in making the effort in expressing love or appreciation beyond the world of status messages or Tweets.

Rekindling old friendships and new ones

Friendship Day is celebrated on the first Sunday of August in India. Friends are the stress busters that we have and fall upon to combat ailments triggered by the rush and mundane existence combining routine of work cum life balance.  Someone truly said, 'True friendships are the ones that withstood the test of times as we emerge out of the rough times." There is a friend for every occasion, right from the ones with whom we grew together, the college friend making lifetime memories or the few ones we clicked in office and drinking buddies. In today's edgy and fast-paced life, it's not easy to keep friendships intact adding to it family responsibilities where there is a tendency to keep our folks for granted, forgetting them or some conflicts that drifted the people apart who once meant the world to each other. College days friendships remain a special one with the bums we carved rich memories, thrills, adventures, fuck ups or craziness that defined us. Reaching out to our closest buddies on friendship day is a perfect time not that we need a special day to create joy together but it makes for a great moment to rekindle old ties and bonds.

1. A phone call away

Move beyond WhatsApp and call this close friend staying far away, that the seas and oceans separated you to have a conversation, just like during the olden days. It doesn't harm speaking to a close buddy for 2 minutes no matter how busy you are in life. Today, I called few friends scattered in various parts of India and across the globe. Of course, the WhatsApp friendship day forwards means that you care but you can drop a few lines to friends on messenger, doesn't matter if you are no longer friends on social media. It leaves such a beautiful and positive feeling on your folks that played an integral part in your life.

2. Facebook friends

Har ek dost zaroori hai! Facebook friends and plain strangers have made the entire friendship thread look cool with this virtual dosti tying a virtual forever bond. I received beautiful images on my FB messenger and the little bit of conversation make us believe in this sacred relationship called friendships that transgresses everything on earth. It has been an amazing ride falling on plain strangers who are now close friends and don't hesitate in reaching out to the ones on this spaceship. It's all about making new memories and friends.

3. Respect the space

Friendship is not about being at the beck-and-call of each other but respecting the space and privacy of close friends that makes for healthy relationships. There are some rules that need to be re-written after some point while the rest should follow the same old narration. Emotions among old friends shall remain forever and certain things never change but at the same time, there is an understanding that some lines cannot be crossed to make our lifelong relations worth the ride. The secret to happy friendship and nurturing relations are the space that must be respected at all costs.

4. Never take for granted

One of my pet peeves is someone coming late for a lunch or catching up for coffee. It works both ways. It's a golden rule to never ditch a friend at the last minute or for that matter, turning extremely late. Don't keep the ones who care to wait for long for it shows a scant disrespect for the relationship.

5. Friends are no sidekick

I have always made the effort to make my friends an important priority in life and not saying abandon responsibilities to be with friends. But, it's important to shower the respect and it takes lot of time and effort to invest in relationships to make your buddies an important priority in life. Friends are family and siblings, our inner strength and never forget this truth.

6. Bond over drinks


Calling friends out of the blue for a game of chess, binge-watching on Net Flix or catching for a movie and partying with drinks is a good way to rekindle old ties. The best thing about chilling with old pals is the entire unplanned night out makes for crazy moment forever captured in the hearts and the beats strumming together like guitar.

7. Mixing friendship?

The confused and conservative me in this department is not very sure whether we should mix our tribes, right from childhood, college and work friends or acquaintances. Initially, I wasn't very sure to mix friends from various walks for drinks or dinner. It's quite a big question mark but bringing everyone socially once in a blue moon doesn't harm.

8. Friends and disagreement

Disagreeing with friends and having contrasting view on politics, religion, arts, cinema and global affairs is quite sensitive and many of us believe that by just agreeing will keep the friendship intact. Nothing farther from the truth or else we would never grow by just agreeing since stifling an opposite view because of friends always have the chances of crushing our respective individualities or harboring frustration and the lack of respect. Of course, it doesn't make an iota of sense to break friendship over Modi vs Rahul Gandhi.

Forevers and evergreen in relationships

Relationships, romance and sex may mean several things to the various generations of people.  The vibes minus load matters and holds true for many us, doesn't matter which generation we may belong to. There is a truth to relationships that we are still unwilling coming to terms with, Forever doesn't exist. Unfortunately, many of us have obsessively held on to relationships that injure our health as human beings and face it, there is no permanence in life.

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 Every relationship bears its own time limit or expiry date. We cannot go against the force of nature and one mistake many people do is giving a name to an unhappy relationship, marriage. Now, I am not saying that all marriage are fuck-ups but often we end up grieving for the rest of our lives in connecting the dots or making things happen. Many people find themselves lonely in marriage and try to find quick-fix solutions like having children to save the day. But, it doesn't happen that way. Unfortunately, we are trying to prove the world wrong that our relationships can sustain and we suffer from illusion, delusion or the lack of realism.

We need a reality check for there is no reason to prove something when it comes to our personal lives. Nobody has the right to tell us what to do or not and how to lead our lives. When it comes to relationships, there should be no accountability as wrongly demanded by society. The worst thing is that as humans, we live a stifled sexual life from a moral standpoint and walk the false moral ground that lust should have no place in the so-called pure existence. The biggest mistake that we again make is not going easy on sex or a one-night stand, expectations shoot up in the sky. The moment expectations or one side love is not returned to us....answer the question honestly!

Love doesn't exist forever and living in a la-la land seems to be an art that we have perfected over time. The moment we do that and which has been internalized for too long makes it the defined reality or the creation of uncalled parameters.  Love is stifled in a match in haven where there is no room for the flower to bloom and closing the door on future partners that thwart us from going in relationships.
One of the things that I admire about millennials is that they are a chilled out generation despite the criticisms, right at times, in the way relations are approached. But, at least the super cool kids approach relationships, be it sex or relationships, in a therapeutic manner. For our generations, expectations have always hurt us when we don't get things right or flowing back to us. I have made that mistake and paid a huge price for that!

Love or relationships are all about reinvented for everything lie in our mindset. I strongly believe that being with someone should remove this shit load of hanging on obsessively to something that doesn't reflect the reality. Screw up this mushy mushy thing or glamor of m for marriage for it's the vibes of being together that matters. Feeling should gel. Don't get into a relationship just for the heck of it. A relationship must be defined by daily bliss and not what tomorrow holds or oft-repeated bored classic argument, where do we stand!

Bloom, stay beautiful and empower each other with moments to be shared, capture them if you may wish but delete it when the memory storage becomes full. Explore and meet new people since forever never exist in relationships but make it an evergreen moment.

Spotting an ex: How to stay cool and ease out!

Running for cover to hide behind dense foliage as if the enemy camp has burst your bubble in real time war zone. Relax! You've just spotted your ex in a party or friends' reunion post the break-up period. Awkwardness can and will creep in. Wrack your brains. Woah!

Image credit: Google.

First thing first, there is no choice left and you cannot possibly flee the spot as if you are the Kohinoor thief. Breathe in and out. Just say a formal hello and flit through the group, asking her well-being and move to other people. Don't give the impression that he or she is making you awkward. It's fine. People get into relationships and break up. As it is, you were not planning to spend the entire existence with them. Just loosen up and enjoy your drink.

Secondly, take a friend into confidence. Such an emergency situation calls for a friend and screw up all ego trip, just tell them there is a certain awkwardness and no lame joke on both of you for onlookers will be watching. Who knows? This friend may just wrestle you to the bar to enjoy drinks introduce you to singles-in case you are interested, and dancing madly to distract your focus from the past man or women.  You can hit on hot singles at the bar. The close buddies are often the saving grace to make this thing call awkwardness disappear.

Thirdly, don't drink too much. Alcohol can work wonders on the mind like fuse where you may end up as a fool in front of the ex by indulging in silly antics or raking up old demons. Remember the ex is now Uncle Sam or Agony aunt who is watching to take sadistic pleasure in making you an asshole in front of people. Mind you, if it's a terrible break up, he or she would never miss an opportunity to get even with you by spreading news that a sloshed ex turned lover again turned fool wanna wear her stilettos.

Fourth, don't try to be over-friendly. Old flames are like the raging fire in the forest. It doesn't take time to ignite a spark. Be civil and charming. Don't try to be overfriendly with each other for it's such a horrible idea to have a fling with an ex or getting back since such things doesn't really work post that stage. Just ask about each other and move to greener pasture.

Finally, let your hair down and dance as if there is no tomorrow. You are not making a point to anyone and certainly not to the ex but treating yourself with booze and dance for don't they say, 'Dance till you drop'. Dancing is therapeutic and helps to flush out any emotional pang, anger, anxiety or strange feeling at his or her sight. That way, the ex-lover will see that you are neither missing them nor holding to ill feelings.

Love
Vishal