Finding love after marriage

Marriage is a serious business about commitment, companionship, spicing up the sex life and equality transcending the traditional patriarchal norms or status quo imposed by a traditional society.  Love is often part of the knot tied like hair plait but is often at odds with marriage.

There was a time when the young generation would openly rebel against arranged marriage since it was imposed by parents and was about two families entering into a union of sort. How can we be part of a business plan or the classic argument, you don't just marry a person but a family? I have a serious issue with the latter point since marriage, love or relationships are about two souls coalescing together.

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 The entire complexity of arranged marriage has slowly changed with social media, popular websites to the tune of shaadi.com or finding someone on social media sites like Facebook. There are no dearth of successful marriage online, or others that crumble. But, doesn't it hold true for love marriage as well? The bigger question is, can we find love after marriage?


 First, love can be cultivated between two human souls getting to know each other after entering the sacred bond. There is a sense of togetherness, shared happiness and discovering the person in a better way. Who knows you may just find your soulmate in an arranged set up with loads of similarities as you get to know each other! The first trait for a couple to converge is respect and the way you treat each other. After all, we are humans born out of love which is groomed and blossom with time.

 Secondly, compromise in a relationship is not love. Nor marriage is an institution to satiate ego or control. The C for Compromise is the wrong start that beefs up the wrongs of ego and control, meaning the death knell of a relationship. Starting the relationship with an open mind, removing all prejudices that may crop up will go a long way to help you nurture a super successful association.

 Thirdly, an arranged marriage involves parents but at the same time, it is important for the couple to draw a line to ensure that there is no third party interference in their relationship. There are many households where parents of both the bride and groom keep popping up. Therefore, open up conversations with parents through dialogue to make them understand that you value your personal space and thoughts as grown-up adults. One of the best ways for such a partnership to work is to spend and give time to each other's parents, understand them, press on them to share childhood anecdotes of your spouse and often play Santa by showering gifts, visit, companionship or whipping their favorite dinner. That way, the parents will understand and help you in times of crisis but also go a long way to cement bond with in-laws.

 Fourthly, breaking the ice is a must once you are married for I have seen couples withdrawing in a shell over the unhappiness of getting into an arranged marriage. Give your partner the time to open up, respect his or her space but at the same time be encouraging of their passion or interests pursued. Take it slow when it comes to sex which is an important facet of a successful marriage but at the same time do not hesitate to ask about their ex-flames without being judgmental. Treat it like a date and turn into a love marriage by being open about everything while getting to know each other.

Lastly, every marriage be it arranged or love, have the fair share of highs and lows. Not all arranged marriages may turn out to be a heavenly match like Band Baaja Baraat. There are lots of hard work and investment that a couple has to work on. The rule is simple: You don't believe in something, don't get into it. I am no advocate of arranged marriage nor I am hitched but sharing my thoughts on a trend which is catching up with the young generation. Though I prefer love marriage, there is no denying that our emotions resemble flowers that bloom.

With Love

V