Ab Ke Baar 'Happy wale budday girl' Sunny Leone

The campaign trailer screeched to a dead end, Election Express will soon be a thing of the past and a blurry image. Political Pundits are busy indulging in crunching numbers as we anxiously anticipate the outcome of the Lok Sabha election. PM Manmohan Singh bids farewell and we dream of the magic of NaMo NaMo bringing an end to our woes, corruption, poverty, unemployment, terror attacks and restoring world peace.

What NaMo will do and won't do? The media is already tired as we are exposed to bits and pieces of the electoral campaign after putting Varanasi on the tourism card. The trolls will be a thing of the past. See! The media overexposed us to politics like junk food, growing our belly by leaps and bounds as we bated for breath. Bas Kijiye!

In our frenzy to catch the latest quick bite, we have forgotten bout' the one that hold our pulses in her hand. How can we forget her? Shez all about entertainment, entertainment and entertainment. Remember, she soared our temperature with her cleavage, prized assets to boost media TRP. Besharam and Namak Halal, Media. For God sake! It's Sunny Leone's birthday. How can we forget our dear Sunny in the frenzy for Lok Sabha Polls! Exit Polls! BJP victory, Congress drubbing, SEM soaring to escalating high. How dare we forget bout' the face that sells papers like Pakodas and TV run time. Sniff! No one remembers Sunny Leone now! Tauba Tauba!

Is the media and NaMo gonna tells us that today, Sunny's birthday will lead to her downfall coz of the Lok Sabha poll? Don't tell me NaMo will appoint Sunny Leone as Gujarat Chief Minister to boost tourism? Gujarat mein hum dum kyon ki banegi CM Sunny Leone.

Yeh Duniya Pital Di! Pital Di! Our girl turns 33 today and yet we try to obliterate the face of entertainment. Nobody thinking about our angel Sunny. Is it coz her stock is on the downfall since Ragini MMS? Stupid me! I thought media will celebrate her birthday to boost TRP. Are! Sharam Karo! Now, you don't need our Sunny now coz of Namo, doing an item number? Don't worry, Sunny. NaMo can never compete with you even if he removes his trendy Kurta and dance to Pital Di or Laila in his white Banyan stitched in Gujarat. Sunny Leone! Nobody can beat your item numbers and trust me, when the Lok Sabha and NaMo frenzy die, our media and netas hungry for lust will feed you with hot Dhokla made in Gujarat!

Who can dare forget you, Sunny? After all, MTV Splitsvilla is here and you will up the heat quotient and send the temperature soaring? Whoz NaMo? Certainly, NaMo or RaGa falls nowhere in your league. Penthouse girl!! They forgot you and so wanted to send you flowers, choco, cards and love but can't afford you like the uber charming princes of the super richie rich estate. I am happy you tweeted, flattered by all B-day Love, trending, crazy..xoxo.

Now, what I call beating NaMo's 56 inches chest, Lok Sabha and media at their own girl. See! Girl you are winner and not whiner, like our politicians. Anybody, beat that, the Sunny way. Who can dare to beat the Pent House gal? Yet, they forget you and worry not, they'll come back to you. Hows bout the idea of accepting the offer for Lok Sabha Speaker?! Crazy idea! See! I'm your shubbh chintak, at least, I can never forget your budday, girl.

Happy budday, Sunny Leone. Who cares about NaMo or RaGa. Ab ke Baar Sunny Leone.

Mere Paas Maa Hai

No power on earth can beat, Nirupa Roy, as the epic and classic Maa in movies, Mera Paas Maa Hai, not even, Mere Karan Arjun, aayega on Mother's Day. Maa Diwas on May 11, gave me a complex. The temptation was too much to give in it. See! I deserve a pat on the back for not uploading a picture of Me and Maa together! The whole internet razzia uploaded pics with Maa and super duper 100 crores snaps were all over the place, on Facebook, yelling, 'Mere Paas Maa Hai.'

Sultified! I was! C'mon! At least, I should have dig deep into the albums and retrieve the pics of Me and Maa together for the claim to fame and spruce up my stock as a loyal beta. I wished Maa on midnight, Happy Mother's Day' as the house Queen nodded with Okay. I feel stupid. After all, I have only printed images of us together, happy family putting a smile.

I choose to ride the less traveled road. I am a bored, no! I take resolution on Maa Diwas and to cut a long story short, I prefer to give Maa the respect throughout the year and no just on Maa Diwas. It's not that I claim that I don't shout on the roof top telling Maa, how much I love you. Like all Mango social media wanna be maverick, I posted Happy Mother's Day on Facebook and Tweeted in 140 words.

Our Moms are not Nirupa Roy but they deserve the respect, at least. Telling them, how much they sacrificed their lives for us, carried minnows us in their womb for nine months and whipped the naughty us so that we can shower love and affection on them for making us responsible, would be an aberration, right! I don't wanna get an earful, 'This is how you paying back by reducing to nought our love.' Come on, Moms hate to hear the sob stories of sons coz its in their nature to love us the way we are and no matter how much we grow, we shall remain their babies.

Cool Moms, super Moms and angry Mom! Let's be cool and give them the respect they deserve. I know, we cannot beat them in the love department and it's not that what they do is always right, let's be tolerant-cum-accepting, let our Moms be the people they always wanted to be. For long, they stuck to rules in society's definition of how Moms should be. Just let them be!

Hey, did you ask Mom's permissions before uploading the pic on Facebook? No! Nah! Let them be who they are for their own sake and for the act of loving them. No, we don't need to touch their feet to show them love but respect, baby. Who is saying that we shouldn't tell the world how much we love Mom and make them smile on Maa Diwas? Of course, we should but let's treat them with respect even if we feel they are a bit unreasonable. See! Mom's heart are like that only and they know na reason, they gotta tell us not to be bad boys and girls.

Mother India! Bharat Mata! Dharti Maa! They are the Moms of Moms, u see! Social media, netas and patriots that we are, invoke them like anything during this Lok Sabha Polls. It's like upping the emotional quotient to grab more votes by tickling our patriotic, oops, emotional self..Maa in the times of politics and religion. What they don't do to make us feel small if we don't comply with their definition of politicking. Maa! Tujhe Salaam! Desh ke naam Pe! They shall take the name of Dharti Maa to split us in caste, race and regions to culminate their brand politics.
They use the name of Maa to tell us ki Ab ki Baar, he has come and in the name of Maa, we shall vote for him and usher for change...after all! Maa Ganga ne bulaya! Our bad days are over, he will make us crorepati, he is the new Mr Apple, he will bring Steve Jobs back from heaven, the 'aam aadmi' bad days are over, diamonds will be cheaper than water. In the name of Maa, he is the messiah that will save us and is equipped with gauntlet to save us from bad guys, inflation, terrorism, global melt down.

India deserves better! Bharat Mata deserves better and our Moms deserve better. Let's not abuse her and let not dilute our love for her.

Happy Mother's Day to mother's of the world.

Jai Hind

With Love to Maa

V

Letter to Surya: WoW-feeling hot-hot-hot

Dear Mr Surya

Some call you Devta (God),

for the rest you are the sun that shines and, at times, become unbearable;

It's the election season as we are made to stay in the queue to vote as our friends are lamenting on your power;

Our friends, the journalists, who bring us the crisp news and tread where few dare to face your brunt;

You become unbearable for all of us and this season you are too hot to handle;

Did I say Hot?

Surya you are so hot that the female hotties in Mumbai run away from you to sit cold colas and coffees in Phoren and cold countries;

IIFA is just a pretext for them to sweat it out on stage to avert your gaze coz you get sadistic pleasure in burning their skins;

We, the commoners, can't bear your fury as we hunt for cold and icy water filled in bottles;

Please have some mercy on us this season;

We know that no one can match your power on earth as you zoom on us with utmost ease and we cannot hide from you;

Where shall we escape?

Journos that we are have to bear your anger as we cover the Lok Sabha election, running from pillar to post, as we secret wish for mercy in such dangerous times;

We celebrated the World Press Freedom yesterday as an ode to daring journalist,

but can the gentle you shield us from the angry you,

O' Surya!

We need freedom from you,

though, in another time, we will long for your cover

coz we know the vitamin that we so abhor comes from you,

you pump us with energy in form of Sun;

How complex our relations are!

Be gentle for a while;

The poem is written as part of Write Over the Weekend theme for this week:

The heat this summer is unbearable. Here’s your chance to write a witty letter to the Sun God/Goddess convincing him/her to go a little easy on us.

It is also linked to World Press Freedom celebrated on May 3 for journalist across the globe.

Include this code:

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

Every weekend, we give out a creative writing prompt to rekindle the love of writing in all you creative writers.

Follow link on: http://blog.blogadda.com/2014/05/02/wow-feeling-hot-hot-hot-creative-writing-prompt-weekend-indian-bloggers

WoW Headlines:When Pappu grabbed eyeballs, promising toilets in every houses

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda. The prompt for this week is WoW-Headlines where you are expected to invent a hot and sensational and write a story about it. Please, check the link http://blog.blogadda.com/2014/04/25/wow-headlines-creative-writing-weekend-indian-bloggers.

When Pappu grabbed eyeballs, promising toilets in every houses

Five-year-old Pappu was befuddled as the mammoth crowd swayed their hips in front of him as he sat on the hot seat and garlands thrust on him and the local Pandit applied a long, red Tilak on his forehead. Pappu slouched on his crown, the nicely decorated  white coated Western Toilet,adorned with garland, red silk, and flowers at the Ghat. The village, Kashi Ghat, which is home to spirituality and religiosity has been shot to fame which saw tourists swarming to the lake seeking the blessing of the new God Pappu.

The TV crew been doing a repeat of Peepli Live since the Lok Sabha elections was announced and the small town which was just another place in India is now trending all over the globe. The Prime Ministerial candidate, Pheku Singh, which many call the future Prime Minister of India, drew large crowd and swathes of TV channels running after him as they set their home in the nearby village. The outsider, Dharna Rao, threatened to defeat Pheku Singh and promise to turn his Tandoori Nights into nightmare. After all, Khashi Ghat is a spiritual city where the Gods shower miracles on devotees encumbered with maladies, children's education, marriage of their young children, praying for babies to bless the womb and money hassle.

It was the nomination day as the city was caught in a stew where the crowd was seen chanting, 'Har Har Pheku' and Dharna karenge and the supporters clashed with each other, battling it out for their favorite candidates to rule the town. The TV channels stomped their way to get the latest breaking news back to Delhi. What followed was a twist in the tale that only factory mill called 'Bollywood' was capable of achieving and it was a feat that even Amir Khan, the man behind the original Peepli Live, could never dare of pulling.

As the TV crew wheezed their way to capture Pheku Singh and Dharna Rao rally on nomination day, one journalist heard a shriek from one of the dim lit houses in the neighborhood. The short haired hot female journo, from a reputed TV channel, scampered her way towards the cooped dwelling as her sixth sense got the better of her. She saw an old woman shouting, Save my son! Save my son. He fell in the latrine. The female journalist signaled her camera person to follow her as she bends her head to peep in the well and saw a young boy, shaking with fear and crying  inside. 

The phlegmatic journalist appear on air to made it the scoop of the day for Capital TV as she spoke with a whiff of confidence: "What a shame India! On a Day, where Pheku Singh and Dharna Rao are battling out for the most coveted job in the country, a child has slipped in the well and nobody cares..Yes! They care only about political meetings and the village is not even equipped with toilets for decent living. What a political charade!"

The news reached all TV channels stationed in the village and gradually, the whole crowd swarmed to the latrine to catch a glimpse of a crying Pappu. The shutter bugs focused on the close-up where Pappu could be seen crying and appearing as a waif child to make for breaking news. 

To rub salt on the wounds of the Pheku and Dharna, a well known scruffy looking TV journalist, holding the camera on top of his head, zoomed on Pappu. He wailed: A child falls inside the well and it's been three days, the poor child in stuck inside and deprived of food. Why is there no toilet in the village and Pappu is still stuck inside?  India Wants to Know!" 

The Government dispatched the army and police who managed to pull off the frightened Pappu out of the latrine with the cameras and journalists not losing sight of its prime duty, stalking the thin looking child. Pappu became the hero in the small town as Pheku Singh and Dharna Rao scampered their way to meet the child and give monetary reward to the family leaving TV channels camping outside their dim-lit house to interview destiny's child Pappu. The child was asked how he was feeling and whether he realized that he hogged the limelight away from the election and he replied, "We need toilets in the village." The news anchor asked the child what he would do if he was elected the Chief Minister and he confidently replied, "I will give toilets to everyone so that no child falls in the pit."

Pappu became a hero in the village and the folks decided that the small child can bring fortune to Kashi Ghat by standing as candidate. Pappu was paraded on horse in the village as he folded his hands to the village folks throughout fifteen days, visiting people houses to sing the old refrain, "I will give every person in Tulsi Ghat a toilet. Vote for Pappu."

When the election results was announced, Pappu surprised everyone by winning the election by a huge margin as Pheku Singh and Dharna Rao trailed. Pheku Singh cursed his own destiny as his hard work has been wrecked by the child's fall in the latrine and Dharna Rao was driven out of the village. Today, an English toilet has been brought to the village where Pappu insists on sitting to enjoy his election victory which the people believe is very symbolic since all houses will now shine with a toilet.

The Child in Me and the chat bubble

Dear Child,

Innocent face, shy, inquisitive eyes and naughty streak whose eye balls follows every moving object in your bubble called fantasy world . I am aware, I am speaking to you, tongue sucker for chocolates and lolly pop whose mouth waters for Gulab Jamun in the Mithai Shop.

Oh! tree huger, you keep hopping excitedly as you shriek at the sight of moving trains chugging at the jam-packed stations. You silly heart! An extension of my own and mirror image of yours truly! Walking bare chested  in the house and wearing the under wear in the house as you ape the likes of this new hero Salman Khan who drops his shirt, showing biceps at the drop of a hat. You climb the stool in the kitchen to open the cupboard despite they deemed that it is far beyond your reach. You creep on the floor, dabbling with the fridge plug. You remove the plug and the fridge stops working yet you traipse away innocently as mom slaps you on your bum. Favorite time pass? Opening tap water, breaking the TV remote and hiding the car keys under the mattress as you slouch on the sofa pretending nothing terrible happened and behave like a waifish in the house. You've been such a terrible creature and a terror in the house.

Yeah! I am talking to my own self, Seven year old and still counting. You abhor school coz you keep getting punished with stick and bending on your knees. How nicely you sneak away from the house to play cricket and football with the mischievous lot in the Galli as Mom and Dad lose their sleep, fearing you've lost the way or kidnapped for the moolah. You think you are the next Ronaldo or Sachin in town that cricket or football cannot exist without your tiny fingers and toes.

The parents gape with breath, wondering how a minnow looking fellow like you can bring the house down in no time, you tear the wallpapers in the room thinking its candy wrap, making the gas stove dysfunctional and de-programming the TV. You roil the house as if you are the descendants of Star Wars as you skulk around to climb the wall or Banyan tree. Are you Superman or Lord Hanuman?! Quixotic soul!! You deny your crime to the world and behave and act in a whipper-snapperish manner, over smart kinda dude, oblivious of your age.

You have a nice way of cajoling Dad as you make innocent faces, faking tears for the chocolate ice cream and biscuits. Dad is vulnerable to your antics as you nicely scamper out of the home with your naked and tiny feet, holding his hand and offering to take his bag. You found your victim, small monster and in no time, you see to it that your demands are met..mithai, candies and choco. Your claim to goodies: Innocent smile and blush. You know that your smile is not for free and the man who brought you to earth has to pay for it. Who do you think your are? Brand ambassador of Colgate smile.

Remember praying for Grade A results in school? Bhagwan! You implored the Gods to wreck a miracle to put A's all over the place so that I can play pranks at home during holiday and sneak out of the house to climb trees, dash the cricket ball in the neighbors house. You recited and wrote 108 times the names of Swami Satynanarayanan to get the desired A's.

The introspective mind and stupid brain of yours was keen to know where you came from and whether the cute babies born in the family are showered from the sky like rains. You were told that your parents found you in plane when they travel and was tendered as a gift by beautiful air hostess. The child in you waggled with excitement and prod your parents to board the plane to ask for a cute brother or sister for company, 'Let's go Momma and Pop', as they look at each other, 'Palm Face'

Yeah! Right! The child in me conversing with the real self and now, can we exchange places, please?! How I wish to be that child again!!!

Lovee

Bucket List 10 outta 10

It's the time where our bucket list gets lost in translation as our priorities-cum-target-cum-New year resolution (read fresh) is hitting a level of fatigue and tiredness due to growing frustration. As days and months moves fast like the local trains, we are brought to the harsh reality of life where saving a dim is like horrible sex romp and a herculean task at hand. Minor hiccups, disappointment and buried in the dumps, I feel like Uday Chopra minus biceps in Dhoom:3, a blink-and-eye non-existence special appearance in the calendar of life, bearing an uncanny ressemblence to species in danger of disappearance.

Oh! Bucket List! Bucket List! How you eluding me like that? Just January 1, I was all charged with dreams to make it reality and now,everything is disappearing out of thin air. Wait! My tribe told me that there is always light at the end of the tunnel and let me try the trick to make my very own Bucket List alive and swing in the air. Who is this idiot who invented the term Bucket List to fool me? Let me fool myself to make the list an ongoing romantic affair and not just a fling or one night stand.

1. Learn to Drive

Unkempt promises! Man in his 30s don't even know how to drive a car. Put me in the driving seat and I shall shake in fear as if some bomb has been thrust on me. Well it's me! It's a shame that I don't know how to drive a car. Kya Car-nama hai Boss! I shall learn to drive this year and it's quite a priority or so 'driving' made its way on the bucket list. Ok! I shall not be hard on myself and make it a priority to learn driving till next year at least.

2. Swimming

How to Swim against the tide?. It shall be the title of the imaginary movie or novel, bearing my foot print, that keep playing at the back of my mind. That shame No. 2, oops! Bucket List cannot be complete without aspiring to get into the freezing cold water and learn to swim my way to heaven. Now, empty promise: If I don't learn to swim in a year, I am planning to throw myself in the water, either I drown or find my way back to the shore.

3. Learn Spanish

It's a new fetish that's finding its way on the Bucket List. It's been a year that I've been toying with the idea of learning Spanish, a new and alien language for me. For all naysayers, nopes! I haven't met a hot and super sexy Spanish chick..ab mere phuti hui Kismet mein Kahan..Mera Bad Luck hi Kharab. The moment I learn and speak Spanish fluently, I gonna take a ride to Spain and play Holi a la Tomatino.

4. Mumbai

Aha! My favorite city! City bang bang! Can the Bucket List be made without the obsession to be back in Maximum City? It's Plan A, I tell you. I am not working and still, I am dying to be back in Mumbai to be a Mumbaikar forever. The trick lies in landing the new job fast, start saving and be back to Mumbai. Miracle! Miracle! Dreams! Dream! How I am hoping for the miracle to strike like lightning on my head? Peeps! Pray for me and break a coconut so that I land the job and fly to Mumbai fast.

5. Write the novel

I must bag an award for building castles in the air and I've been boring people with, 'I am writing a novel and will reach completion this year.' It's been two years now and I need a good whip on the butt to get going. I need discipline man and the Bucket List must be tired to see the old, boring song finding its way, 'The man writing the novel.' Buahhh! Lemme bury the frustration. See! I'm laughing at the self.

6. Travel the Globe

I am dying to travel the Globe, visiting Paris, London, New York and, of course, Brazil. Sad! I can't even aspire to be a wannabe Globe-trotter as my Brazil World Cup plans made since 2011 has gone to the hound. It's hounding me. How can I miss the Brazil World Cup? Sniff! Sniff! Oh! Dubai is also on the plate and how can I forget the Sheikhland, yet, sometimes back, I was making plans to relocate and have the Arabs as my neighbors, this year. See, this is Plan B. Now, I am biting my nails. Again, I forget our India! I love my India!!! See, Modi has made Varanasi a hot proposition and dying to go there and live an ascetic life for some time, and, of course, sipping Vodka on the peak of the mountains at Dharamshala.

7. Acting in a movie

Nopes! I have not reached the stage of delusion, though, it's another matter-of-factly that I am not faraway from that. I wanna act in a Hindi movie, even the much self-hated TV serials will do, like they say, Chalega! See! I love building castles in the air and even, my Bucket List is getting a kinda complex. Hey! Btw, Amitabh Bachchan became an actor in his 30s and Boman Irani became one post 40s. Okay! Chill! I know that I am neither Big B nor Boman Irani but it doesn't cost a rupee to dream big na, isn't it?! I wouldn't mind being an extra in a film and hope it should make you happy that I haven't lost my mind till now.

8. Cut smoking

If Bucket List could speak, it will laugh but chill at the same time. I know, it's not a Bucket List kinda stuff at the fag's end but, but, I've been able to cut smoking, quite drastically this year. Not, that I was determined to clean the lungs but bcoz I am facing a money crunch and. at times, don't have the money to buy my cigarettes. But, all said and done, I've cut smoking na, so, Bucket List stop laughing at me and give me a pat on the back.

9. Start the website

Yeah! New idea has just struck. Okay! Kidding! Two of my friends have proposed that I should start a SEO, something which I love doing, and earn through Google adsense. There are some web hosting that are cheaply available and even if I recover one third of the initial money, half the battle is won. Now, Bucket List must be smiling for this rather reasonable achievable target this year. Yeah! It's do-able. Here beating my Trumpet a bit, I am rather good at writing and confident that I can drive Google traffic through content that I create. I think, I can do it. Once, I get a job, I'll take a shot at it.

10. Meet Sachin and Big B

Bucket List must be honing its skills at laughing therapy now. Yes!! I wanna meet and have coffee with Sachin Tendulkar and Amitabh Bachchan? Why just them and I wanna go on a coffee date with Deepika, Parineeta, Alia, Nargis Fakhri, In the latter's case, I gotta put up with her fake accent but all is fair in love and lust. Haha! Uff!! I am finally done and Bucket List can breathe easy.

Don't take me so seriously!! I think, I was on drugs while putting up this post on Bucket List and dunno what I wrote. Was I in the coma? Before you fume, let me run away from here.

Yippie!

Vishal

NaMo! Singh is King and Pakistan Tourism

Listen! Listen! We Proud Indians and, of course, Modi Bhakts have competition now. Is it kya? Don't you know the face of Gujarat has now become a Global Phenomenon in Asia and is the new brand ambassador of Pakistan Tourism. I tell you! Ek hi jhakte mein Narendra Modi has found a solution to Hindustan Ki Abadi (Growing Population) problem..shift to Pakistan. To the cynics and critics of Namo!! Namo!!, see the Global appeal of Narendra Bhai who will tell you to shut the fuck and move to Pakistan.

Heard the Pakistani Government is dancing and swinging their way to Ooh! Lah! Lah! and chanting Har Har Modi!!! Khushwant Singh must be fuming in his grave for the political plagiarism of 'Train to Pakistan' steered by NaMo's self-claimed spin doctor and new age Ad Guru..oops!! Lok Sabha Ad Guru Giriraj Singh for the new campaign for Pakistan Tourism. Har Har Modi!! See, Singh is King!

Move over the sacred and spiritual land of Varanasi as Pakistan has just sweep off tourism potential under the nose of that part of Uttar Pradesh. What must Mia Musharaf be thinking, I wonder? He must be cursing his stars and fate for being on the wrong side and blaming Giriraj Singh for playing spoil sport. Poor Musharaf-ji, now, he cannot even take credit for India-Pakistan Bhai Bhai chara ya potential and stammering Tourism Growth from India.

Woah! Whatta Punch line, Adharnir Giriraj Singh: "those who oppose Modi should go to Pakistan as there will be no place for them in India." Now, this model of Pakistan Tourism cleverly crafted in India during the Lok Sabha battle bear the imprint of a faded leader Giriraj Singh whom nobody knows and whose shot to fame is boosting Pakistan Tourism. Now, who says only Bimbos can resort to tricks to gain popularity by removing their clothes or professing their love for NaMo? Move over, Malika Sherawat, Meghna Patel or Tanisha Singh , the new bombshell in town is Shri Giriraj Singh.

Now, I was planning to relocate to India but it looks that the new India steered by NaMo has no place for secular beings like me and time to book my ticket to Pakistan. Ah! Wait! Am I late kya? Now, it getting me worried with the new ad for Pakistan Tourism where millions of my country men and women, read, Modi Haters, have already booked to resettle in Pakistan. Where does that leave me? Will the Pakistan Government turn me down owing to advance Booking and Housefull? Poor me! I will be deprived of the joy of enjoying Pakistan Tourism, courtesy NaMo and Giriraj Singh. Wait! I have an idea. What about starting a travel agency for fellow Indians dying for Pakistan Tourism or settling in Pakistan and having Giriraj Singh as the poster boy or playing loud music, Har Har Namo and let's go to Pakistan by Train, air or ship? I am telling you! I'll make a killing and rake the moolah to be an overnight rich Shehzaade.

If that was not enough to pump up the Lok Sabha Battle..again my bad!!! Pravin Togadia of VHP is rubbing Himalayan Salt the wrong way to boost Pakistan the wrong way. Now, who says Pakistan is a failed and Rogue state?! Not the likes of BJP, Namo, Giriraj Singh or Praveen Togadia.  Ceertainly, not Togadia, Sir? Don't believe me? Have a look:

As per media reports, Vishwa Hindu Parishad president Pravin Togadia delivered an anti-Muslim speech in Bhavnagar, Gujarat.

Protesting outside the house of a Muslim businessman, Togadia allegedly gave the occupant 48 hours to vacate his house, failing which he asked his followers to take forcible possession of his property and fight a legal battle later which will go on for years.

The report claimed that the VHP leader also threatened Muslims with violence and asked his followers to “go with stones, tyres and tomatoes” and that there was nothing to fear. "I have done it in the past and Muslims have lost both property and money," he had said."

Wah! Wah Kya baat, Togadia Sir!!!! NaMo must be wondering whether he needs foes with loyal friends like Singh and Togadia. The gentlemen are hell bent to make NaMo the new face of Pakistan Tourism and the latter must be fuming for the extra efforts to take Gujarat out of the tourism card. Truly, a conspiracy against Gujarat Tourism, NaMo must be fuming! Wonder what Nawaz Sharif must be thinking at the change of heart of Singh and Togadia to make Brand Pakistan the new face of Tourism and Dream land. Folks! Move over US of A, UK, Dubai or Europe, Pakistan is the new face of tourism and minting money. Be rich and move to Pakistan, courtesy Giriraj Singh and Pravin Togadia. Now, Pakistani are already chanting, Ab Ki Baar Modi Sarkar, enough to give  Nawaz Sharif a complex.

Politically Provocative

V

PS: Image downloaded at Google India from http://pbs.twimg.com/media/BlteD9xCUAAyKDO.jpg:medium and, hence, I claim no credit for the cartoon. The image belongs to the rightful owner (Irregular by Manjul) at the above link.

Whipping a storm

I'm back or let's put it in a mild way! New kid sauntering it's way like the roller-coaster kinda flying pan whizzing it's a way after a hiatus of one month. Finally! I finished the novella on the block, 'Divorcing over Sushi.' The characters zoomed their way in my life for more than a month and, finally, I finished the book. You can check it on the blog, though, there are editing job that needs my attention.

I've been out for a month where this blog was forgotten as a result of buckling too much attention on the wordpress wala blog. Need to catch out with mates on blogspot and, guess, it will take much time. How does it feel to be back as the new kid, unplugged? I feel so new at it as I type my first post for the month of March.

Weathering or whipping a storm must be an apt blog title as I've been doing some freelancing for an upcoming website based in Delhi side. Features and quirky is a new style of writing and a challenge for me since I've been a news reporter, barring few feature interviews. To be honest, my writing been wavering since I haven't written professionally in a newspaper format for almost a year, excluding my two months stint at a magazine.

It shall take me some time to be back at what I do best, writing and time to hone up my skills to be on the top of the game. I miss full time journalism. I am at the crossroad of life where I gotta prioritize stuffs, be it people, career and life, in general. I had this conversation with a friend after I stumble on a You Tube video bout a train journey from Marine Lines to Churchgate. It's been my journey and I visualize the stuffs in exactly the same fashion, outside Marine Lines leading to shops, BEST Buses and theatres, the train view. As the video showed the train rattling its way at Churchgate and commuters alighting, I was like, it's my life. There are plans to be back in the city but in a rather selfish way. I am not coming back on purely emotional reason or for friends, love or for the sake of old memories. I wanna be back for my own personal growth as a person and it may take me a year or so, the planning stuffs and all.

There are some old memories that we left behind but it's time to carve new memories, make new friends and go thRough new tribulations. What better place to learn from in this ever-evolving journey? Mumbai. The muse can be a good friend but also a ruthless bitch.

Cheerz

V

Divorcing over Sushi: EpIilogue

    Divorcing over Sushi: Episode 18

     Epilogue

Love, break up, divorce not meant to be and sizzling sex. I am sipping the thick Capuccino at Barista  and laughing at the recent turn of events in my life. I wonder whether everything was worth it, accident and how I made my guy, younger than me cry and begging for my love and, of course, sex. He thinks I drive him wild on bed. Am I such a naughty girl? I wonder. He is stupid, just a child who refuses to grow up and I feel like mothering him at times. We call it love. Yeah! Both of us gorge on sushi and Punjabi with cream coffee as topping when we die to have sex. 

You've never met me, I bet! This idiot must be ranting about me, yapping on the dysfunctionality in my personality. Yeah! Right! He calls me Sush, Sushmi, often equating my name to the Sushi that I love eating as if I am some dish. I am Sushmita, the wife of my cute but stupid husband who has been going on and on how I have a lose screw in my head, my anger and our hot sex life. Trust me! I do not fit the description Adi has painted but quite so. Or, am I?

Adi is a man I always wanted to kill or scare the shit off him when I met him for the first time. I was aghast when he thrust his head and kissed me for the first time. Here, was the man who introduces jimself by trying to smooch me and immediately, the picture of a sex obsessed man popped in my head. As I look back, I laugh at ourselves who were hell bent on divorcing, forking out a huge 50k for some stupid advice from a suave lawyer. That too, divorcing over sushi. Adi!! I so wanted to torture him in all possible senses, emotionally, sexually and psychologically. This guy is such a nutcase, I tell you! The biggest miser one earth since he never gave back part of the money which we agreed to share for paying the lawyer.

We renewed our marriage vow in Goa last night. There were no parents, no irritating relatives, just the two of us. We felt so complete being with each other and we married in the pure Goa fashion in front of the priest at Marina Beach. We kissed on the lips. I melted into his arms. We partied that night and what a terrible dancer, Adi is. He just can't match my steps. But, I love him. He is so cute and adorable.

We were the odd couple. Imagine, sitting in the hotel room and watching Koffee with Karan and later, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai on TV. We can be weird as a couple. Did I tell you that we ordered Sushi and Punjabi Thali which we smeared on each other's face? That was our renewed marriage vow.

We made love that night as we rediscovered each other. We kissed lightly as I thrust myself in his arms, whispering in his ears, "I'm all yours baby." I pushed my lips into his and we started smooching furiously, exploring our bodies voraciously and going down in areas which we never dare to explore. It was the best sex we ever had, totally free and letting our hair down.

It was the middle of the night and he dragged me inside the swimming pool. We kissed passionately and it was serene but passionate in the wee hours of the night where we couldn't spot anybody by the side of the pool. We were lying naked in the pool, exploring each other's body again and again. I leaned my head on his shoulder as he held me by my waist. It was not erotic or sexual but the best romantic gateway in Goa. We promised to renew our marriage vow every year in Goa

I left my job after we reached Mumbai and started my content website as a subsidiary to Adi's PR firm. Who says husband and wife can't work together. Of course, they can. We did it.

The End

Lotsa Love

Vishal

Divorcing Over Sushi: Episode 17

I held her hands as she was lying on the bed, trying to move. "Just stay still or else..relax babe," I warned. She smiled in exasperation and gave me a bewildered look, telling how come you are threatening. I smiled and said, "Listen! You've been shouting at me always and this time, I will do all the talking and you will listen. At least, I must make up of the opportunities of you lying on bed and you can't even chase me or shout. I call it sweet revenge."

"Adi! I wish I could kill you right now," she said playfully, not before writhing in pain, "Ouch!"

"Is it hurting?"

"My back and right hand," she complained.

I got up and placed the pillow beneath her head which I caressed, "You'll be okay. The charming doc told me you are a fighter."

"That I am," she proudly announced.

Sushmi asked, "Is hospital such a bad place to discuss about our future..I mean our love story and your famous proposal..remember how you bent on your knees and forcefully kissed your married wife in the pub.

I became slightly shy, "By the way, we married in unique fashion, almost divorced over sushi and you didn't complete the I lo...till you bumped into the car. I heard the car has been crushed."

"Shut up, you bloody moron Adi," she almost shrieked into laughter.

We held our palms together and leaned closer to her. I kissed her on her forehead, neck and lips. "I am making a declaration. Your love has made me high. Who needs alcohol yaar? I love you Sushmi and will always do. I know! I know! I hate Sushi but for you, I will sacrifice thousands of Sushi plates. Remember, I gobbled half the plate in Lonavla and once in a while, we will eat from the same plate. We were stupid for plotting our divorce that will never happen. I wanna make babies with you and when they grow up to be our age, you will dress up in the sexiest black short skirt and we will party like crazy. I love you, Sush and will always do."

Tears were rolling down her cheeks and she was laughing at the same time. I couldn't make out what it was. She said, "You don't need to munch on Sushi to make me happy and I can also make effort to eat Veg Thali that you love. I was eating your favorite Punjabi food secretly. I love you, Adi and I have always been in love with you. Let's take a second vow of marriage and who says love is not made in heaven. Our love is the biggest proof that we are couple made in heaven."

We held hands like teenagers in the air-conditioned hospital room and looked into each others' eyes. We were in love and, both of us know, that the spark is not going to die. All it took was an accident which made us realize how much we love each other, not over Sushi.

Divorcing Over Sushi: Episode 16

I almost yelled at the irritating security guard who would not let me park the car inside the hospital. I was gaping for breath and shouting frantically, "I need to rush inside the hospital and I implore you to let me go..Okay! Do whatever you want and I don't fucking care." We almost came to blows when Karan intervened, "Dude! Chill! Let me park the car." He shouted at me, "Now, run towards the hospital."

I was running like a mad man inside the hospital and my heart was beating frantically. I didn't care as shoved aside the hospital attendant, fell down and got up to sprint way towards the operation theater at Bombay Hospital. I saw Mom and Dad consoling Sushi's parents. They were crying like children.

I stood in front of the lobby outside the hospital and was clueless how my life is evolving at 360 degrees. I couldn't what was happening when I saw two nurses holding the oxygen bottle as the mask was tied to her face. I froze on seeing Sushmi's eye brows and black patch on her face. I was in a state of shock as Karan held my hand. I run along with the troller and held Sushmi's hands tightly towards the OT.

I was stopped in my track by the lady doctor who stood in my way. "I am sorrry, I cannot let you in. It's an operation theater," She almost shouted. I pleaded, "Please! She is my wife." Pat came her answer, "Sorry, young man. I understand and we are doing everything to save her." The door was shut on my nose. I sat down on the floor and looked at Karan. We both knew what I was thinking.

"What did the doctor just said? They are doing everything to save. How serious is she? Does that mean I will lose her?", questions were raging in my mind. Karan walked towards me and we hugged tightly. I was crying. I didn't speak to our parents and they knew that I need my space at this point of time.

*****************************************************************************

I woke up at almost 2 p.m in Karan's room and saw 12 missed calls from Sushi who wanted to check on me. Karan came in the room and made me a cup of coffee and smiled, "Relax! Dude! Sushmita called you several times and I didn't want to disturb your sleep. By the way, she told me to take care of you." Karan winked to me, "Call her back."

I called her few times but she cut my phone. I was agitated, thinking why the fuck she was being so weird and wonder whether it's because of my love declaration yesterday. The phone beeped and I skipped a heart beat as a message from Sushi flashed on the phone 'hey!!!! Hope you slept well..after yest'day confession, we gotta meet and talk. Let's catch up 2nite. I'll let you after m done. Cya n kisses."

I was relieved and went back to hit the sack as I was suffering from a very bad hang over. I woke up in horror owing to someone kicking me as I was pleading for the devils to spare my life and begging them that I will leave the city for good. I was surrounded by the saffron brigade and my crime, holding a red rose in my hand. I only woke up to see my anti-sleep activist, Karan hitting me on the ass and pouring water on my face, "Wake up, chutiya," he was laughing. I got up from the bed, mildly awake to protest, "Dude! What the fuck? Are you so desperate to get laid or what?"
Karan was amused and showed me the time, it's 5 p.m dude. I almost jumped on my feet and yelled, "Fuck! I am dead and Sushmi will screw me." Karan drove me to Bandra and after battling the traffic and pleading with Sush, resorting to the usual lies, we've been stuck in the mad traffic for almost two hours, I managed to get away from Sushmi's pissed off sms-es. Finally, we reached Bandra and Sushmi buzzed. She berated me, "You guys, in particular, You! You can never be on time and anyway, I am reaching in five minutes." I can hear the honking of cars, rickshaws in the maddening traffic as Sushmi was speaking to me on phone.
"By the way, you got me confused on your famous declaration of love. I bet, you don't remember what you did or said yesterday," she teased.
I remained non-plussed for a while and protested, "Babe! I swear and I remember what I told you. Now, please don't make me say things in front of this dork Karan who is driving the car." Karan almost burned my hand with the cigarette butt and yelling, 'Chutiya.'
"Listen! I can't wait and if you really love me, please repeat," Sushmi was adamant.
I hesitated and said, "I love you, Sushmi. I promise to compromise and love the Sushi back since it complement your name. Anything for Sushi."
This moron Karan was laughing and making faces. clearly expressing, "You are condemned now. Happy Sushi."
Sushi spoke in a soothing voice, "Adi! Come fast!!! I can't wait..I Lo............"
I heard a loud banging, blaring honking of cars and screeching of vehicles. Bang!!! I could hear Sushmi yelling and calling my voice, "Adi!" It was terrible and she shouted my name whole-heartedly. All of a sudden, she went silent. I looked at Karan in shock as I keep calling Sush! Sushmi! Sushmita! Is everything okay?"
Karan tried calling on her number but there was no response. He swerved the car and we headed towards Bandra station where we were supposed to meet. As we were driving, I received a call from her number and I breathed easy. I was breathless and sweating. A male voice spoke in a husky voice, "Hi, I am calling from the lady's phone and, apparently, she was speaking to you at the time the accident happened."
"Accident," I yelled.
The male voice said, "It's quite serious and we are taking her to Bombay Hospital at Churchgate. Don't worry and inform her family. Please come there straight."
Karan dashed his way and broke traffic signals to finally reach Bombay Hospital through Marine Drive at 6 p.m. I, myself, don't know how Karan drove recklessly to sashay from Bandra to Churchgate in less than 40 minutes to storm its way inside the parking at Bombay Hospital.
********************************************************************
We slept at the hospital for six hours and Karan stayed with me throughout the night. I convinced the parents and in-laws to get back home and we were in for a very long ordeal as I would try to peep through the window inside the operation theater. I couldn't see anything. Karan told me, "Don't worry! She'll be fine." The lady doctor came in and she came to me, gently stroking my head, "Don't worry young man. We are doing everything and she'll be fine." I nodded and almost lost all hope. We waited at the hospital till the evening and I didn't noticed our parents who were sitting on the bench. The doctor came out of the operation theater after 14 hours and removed the scrub cap. She looks battered and was sweating profusely.
She wore a tiring smile and announced proudly, "It was one of the toughest surgery I performed. But, Sushmita is a strong willed girl and she is saved." The kind doctor looked at me and smile, "You can go and meet your wife. She is asking for you." I dashed inside as our parents followed me. But, the doctor spoke in an authoritative voice, "Please, one person at a time. The patient has not fully recovered and right now, she needs her husband by her side. I walked in and saw her lying on bed, dressed in a green scrub. She wore bandages on her head and right hand.
I walked slowly towards the bed and she gave me a sheepish smile. She spoke with difficulty, "I am still alive and you will not get a divorce." I wanted to kill her but refrained. I nodded and smiled back. 

Divorcing Over Sushi: Episode 15

We sashayed our way inside Olive, brimming with a frenzied crowd high on alcohol, flaunting their assets, smooching as if there is no tomorrow and banging their bodies, thumping their chest and feet louder and louder. The nerve wracking music is getting on my head. Gosh! How much I hate parties now? Yet, there was a time where I danced and got intimate with women in the same place in Bandra. Olive became my second home where I drank like fish and some stranger showed me the way. Yes! It was a woman and, now, she is my life. We indulged in intimacy and have the best sex. It's ironical how we were plotting for divorce till I feel head over heels in love with her. Now, she is intent on finding me a chick and she wanna break free from me.

Now, this music is really getting to me and I realize how I hate crowded parties now. I wonder why do people like me love doing somersault in life. We finally found a place to sit and ordered Vodka. Sushmita was taken aback and asked, "What the fuck, dude? No whisky..Vodka!!!!!!

I didn't want to react to her observation of the change in me and I was sure that she thought I have transformed into some effeminate creature. I had to reply and just blurted out, "Feel like having Vodka. Don't wanna make you feel alone and sad."

"Hahha..so funny."

I take a sip of Vodka with Orange and lit a cigarette. Sushmita got up and took her handset out of the bag. Mrs or soon-to-be-Miss-again started speaking, "Hey!! Ya!! M inside Olive, where are you and yeah, come..I mean, we are inside."

I often wonder why the fuck people need to shout on the phone inside a loud night club. Can't they send sms or go out to speak? I just hate it when people shout on the phone and it reaches my ear. I was getting tensed since this wifey of mine will either thrust me towards hitting on some unknown women or fix me up with someone. I'll prefer the second option since I don't want to be shoved by some boy-friend of a woman who will think I'm lusting on. The irony is I am not a wild stallion who just broke up with the wife or girl friend. But, Sushmita is Sushmita. Yes, when I get irritated, I call her Sushmita not Sush, Sushi or Sushmi!!!

Sushmita came back and was accompanied by a tall and fair girl. I was like, what she's up to? Sushmita introduced me to Shivangi, telling she's her office mate and winked her right eye. I got the signal but pretended not to. Sushmita hissed in my ears, "Dude! What are you waiting for? Drag her on the dance floor." The three of us went on the dance floor and Sushmita make some tiny steps and slowly moved away from me. I could spot her dancing with a tall and handsome dude. Man! I was getting jealous!

Shivangi leaned towards me, "So! You like parties and all?"

I was like, "Umm! Sometimes, not really a party person. I mean, I used to..find parties pretty boring."

She chiped in, "Me too! Sushmita coaxed me to come and looks like you are guys are very close."

I was about to say, "She's me.."

Shivangi interrupted me, "I know cousin. She told me both of you grow up together."

What, cousin and grow up together. What this woman is up-to and why the fuck she hide the fact that we are husband and wife. Wow! I was amazed at her white lie and this woman should have been a woman. Imagine two cousins having an incest kinda relationship in front of the eyes of society.

Shivangi quizzed me, "Dude! What you into?"

I replied like a school boy, "I handle PR accounts for clients."

She almost jumped on her feet, "Superb! I find guys into PR quite hot and sexy."

Now, she was hitting on me.

The three of us were drunk and was worried how the fuck I can drop Shivangi home and don't want to end up in her house. Sushmita's cousin was coming to pick her up. Sushmita quips, "Shivangi! Do you want Adi to drop you?" 

Shivangi stupidly said, "Hmm..no someone coming to pick me up. But, I don't mind taking his number."

Shivangi left after a while and my dear wife teased, "So, dude, how is she?"

"Boring! I said."

Adi! It's now or never, my heart told me. I shouted in her ear, listen I wanna tell you something. We moved away in some corner outside Olive and held her hand. She looked at me with a, What? I smooched her but she pushed me away. "Dude! What are you doing?"

I draw her back towards me and start kissing her on the neck, again kissing her. She melted in my arms as we held to each other closer, as I kissed her bare shoulder, ear and reached her mouth. Finally, she pushed me away.

I bend on my knees, "Sushmi! I really love you. I have realized how much I need you in my life. I know, I am drunk. Yeah! I hate the Sushi that you love to eat. But, I will compromise. Let's fall in love again. Delve in my heart and feel how much I love you. It's cheesy but I cannot live without you." Tears rolled down her cheeks. She was crest fallen.

Her phone started buzzing and she listened to the voice at the other end. She leaned towards me and planted a kiss on my cheek, "Listen! They have reached and tomorrow, will call you. We need to talk. But, I am worried how will you reach home. Do you want us to drop you at Karan's place?"

I stammered, "N-o, I c-a-n h-o-l-d m-y -a-l-c-o-h-o-l...."

"Ok! Make sure you buzz me when you reach," she looks worried.

Sushmi walks away from me. I wanted to jump with joy and yell, 'Yes! I did it! Sushmi, I love you.'

Divorcing over Sushi: Episode 14

"So, you wanna us to speak to some other lawyers just for the heck of it?", She asked, lying on bed.

"I'm ok as long as you wanna spend some grands on some lawyer-liar advice on divorcing over sushi," I retorted, taken aback by her fixation for divorce. I wanted to stop the divorce thing at any cost and how do I go in remove the ghost surrounding her obsession. Am I treading on un-chartered path?, I wondered.

Sushmita was teasing me and she always do that. "Or! Is it that you no longer want a divorce or has accepted defeat by bowing down to Sushi?", She mused. 

I was taken aback by her remark and amazed how she just hit the right nail by teasing me. Wow! I am amazed and she just said it. Holy grains of truth!!!
Sushmita added, "Don't worry. I assure you that I won't ask for alimony and no ugly fight in court. Baby! Your truth shall not be uncovered in court, bad in bed or impotency."
I protested, "What yaar? Impotent, bad in bed."
She giggled and smiled wickedly. Her infectious but wicked smile scares me to death for I know that she is plotting something. I bated with breath and asked, "Ok! Tell me what do you have in mind?"
"Arre! Nothing! What make you think so?" She smiled.
I was getting restless and said, "Stop pretending. Listen! When you show your devilish grin, I know that you must be up-to something. So would you care to spell it out?"
She sat on the bed to elaborate the plan. "See! We've stayed together for years and it's normal for us to miss each other the day we are not together. So, I have decided not to miss you."
"I am already missing you," I let it off. It was a slip of the tongue.
"So cute. Mister is already missing me. See! Let's party tonight. I will choose a chick and, if you like her, you hit on her and, perhaps, you can ask for a date."
I was confused at first but, realized, that Sushmi has already made plans and it's pointless arguing with her. I asked, "So am I expected to find you a man?"
"Please don't? I can do it myself just make sure no fucktard misbehave with me. Remember, we are still a married couple, I mean, legally speaking," She ordered.
I nodded. Gosh! How am I going to convince this women. Sometimes, I feel that I will go crazy with her some day. I went inside the attached bathroom for a quick shower and, eventually, get ready for office.
I came out of the bathroom and Sushmita was staring at me. She gasped at me, "Dude! If you want to, you can look handsome in your formal attire. Who needs to look at guys outside when I have one at home."
I feigned her compliments and said, "It's just that I have a meeting with a very important client. It's five lakh deal and we want to handle his account for two years."
"Ok! Make sure you meet me at Infinity Mall and, from there, we will drive to Olive. By the way, best of luck with the client."
As I walked out of the door, I pecked her on the cheek and said, "I love You."
She was too shocked to react and started at me. I waved at her with a funny face and dashed out of the apartment like a school boy.

Divorcing Over Sushi: Episode 13

We were sitting in the room, watching TV and fighting over the remote like kids straight from kindergarten. Sushmi started cribbing, "Who fights over the remote like a school kid? You and your Cricket matches, I tell you men can never change. They keep watching some stupid cricket matches for the whole day. Who does that?"
I was aghast and said, "Oh! Wow! And, you not fighting kya to watch your Koffee with Karan. What's up with those stupid socialites, spilling the beans on their private lives. Gosh! Women, I can never understand them." I have fired the salvo and Sushmi is more than ready to take on me for daring speak a word against women. We are in for the great Hum Tum fight.
She stood on the bed like a politician and raises her hand, "I dare you speak one word against women."
I was in the mood, "Women."
She stood, with both hands on her waist and burst out laughing, rolling on the bed.
"So, Mister, you are scared of me?" she asked, non-chalantly.
"Why would I?" I started defending myself.
"Arre! Stop pretending. You said only, Women. Adi!! You are not funny and looks like a monkey."
I was making faces of monkey.
She slapped me on the hand and was smiling. Sushmi was at her charming best and love it when she displays her innocence. I fell in love with this cute face and I find it funny that I have a crush on my legally married wife. Fuck! I gotta woo her again like a teenager. And, I hate it.
She grabbed the remote from my hand and forced me to watch Koffee with Karan and held my hand, "Arre! let's watch na and stop being a bore." I didn't want to say No to her coz I don't wanna us to shed another 50 grands to some lawyer, telling we are divorcing over Karan Johar after the famous Sushi. I am imagining us sitting in court and asking for divorce on account of KJO and just imagine, how people will react to that. Just imagine how the media will react if they happen to know. We will be termed about the most ridiculous couple of the year.
When the show ended, I breathe easy and she switched off the TV. I was like, "What yaar!"
She pretended to be innocent, "Oh! You wanted to watched cricket, acha sorry."
I muttered, "It's ok."
Sushmi was in no mood to let me off the hook for telling something about women. "Waise! I am not done with you, yet. What did you say about women? What do you, men, think? You will say anything to women and we will remain mute spectators and comply with this stupid, Pati Parmeshwar or Maryada Purush."
I was like, "Oh! No! Where the conversation is going?"
She was adamant, "The conversation is going in the right direction and I don't understand why you men associate us with some TV shows or those stupid, Saas, Bahu. I know you make jokes about us watching soap operas."
I defended myself, "But, what did I say?"
"Not you, right now. But, many of the brainless species belonging to your breed."
"Oh! No!"
"Oh! Yes! Mister!
"Listen, Sushmi! I am in no mood to argue with you over women stuffs. This is the problem, you girls are so.."
"What..we are so..please complete your sentence."
"Nah! let it be."
"Why are you so scared? Complete what you have started. Do you lack the guts?"
"Okay! You women are so unpredictable and complex. One can never know where they can attack you and for something, harmless."
"See!!! You are like all men and call us complex. You, men, keep generalizing and label women as complex. What about you guys? You can keep sulking and when we ask what's bothering you, you just say nothing and crib in a corner. Did anyone tell you that guys are so boring with their cricket matches and typical masala 'Bollywood' brainless, mad capers."
"At least, we don't take loads and watch brainless, entertaining flicks."
And, as I thought that the insane but fun fight was reaching its height, she smiled and said, "See! I won." Sushmita was yelling, "Yeah! Baby! I won and you lost."
I protested and said, "I wanna shut your mouth."
She was giggling and jumping on the bed. I ran after her in the room and held her hand. I smooched her. She smiled, "Please tell me what you just did."
I replied, naughtily, "I had to shut your mouth. You were yelling."
She tried to appear non affected and blurted out, "See! You men are all the same. It's just a smooch which is normal and doesn't prove your manliness."
We threw pillows on each other and cuddled each other. 

Divorcing Over Sushi: Episode 12

We reached the Supreme Court at Fort at 10 a.m. I was sweating profusely, not because of the excruciating heat in Mumbai but of the stress on meeting lawyer Shinde. There are several, 'What Ifs?" in my mind and the mind is raging against the actions we are going take. I abhor signing on the dotted papers, 'Divorce by Mutual Consent.' I feel a rush of adrenaline as I excused myself from Sushmita to buy a cigarette. Smoking helps me beat the stress. I have realized, No! I don't want to excuse myself from the marriage and I have realized that Sush and, not the marriage, means a lot to me. At least, I will have someone to fight with rather than speaking and fighting against the empty but deserted room.

I joined Sush back who was waiting and we walked past the crowd making a beeline to meet lawyers, converting their mobile cars into office on the street. I stared at the Maruti vans where a bored secretary was sitting and the lawyer smoking a cigarette. Susmita turned and dragged me towards the building, "What are you doing, Adi? I mean, you are mad and our appointment is in the plush office with Shinde as we reached the elevator." Shinde is one of the biggest divorce lawyer in Mumbai and I was surprised to see horde of staff, sexy secretaries storming their way and, of course, glamorous junior lawyers dressed in Black skirts and saree. I forgot that I was with my wife to meet a divorce lawyer, for a while. 

The secretary nodded to us and made sign with her hand for us to sit on the maroon cushy sofa where one could easily sleep peacefully. I gaped at the luxurious office which is nothing short of a five star hotel and we were brought coffee and biscuit on a tray of gold. Sushmita smiled, "It's cool, na." I dipped the Britannia biscuit in the coffee and said, "I bet your lawyer gonna charge us a lot." She looked around the office and said furtively, "Let's see!"

The secretary asked us to go inside as Shinde is ready to receive us. We entered the air conditioned plush room, adorned with a painting of MF Hussain, sofa lounge, coffee machine as Shinde got up to greet us. The lawyer is in his 50s, dressed in a black suit and is a tall, well-built guy who could easily pass off as a hero from a Hollywood movie.

Sushmita said, "Hi, Mr Shinde, I'm Sushmita and this is my husband, Aditya. We are planning for a divorce and wondered you could help us."

Shinde appeared shocked and looks confused. He regained his composure and said, "Well, normally couple on a divorce come separately. But, you guys doesn't really look unhappy."

I was silently praying that Shinde would do some good, selfless job of counselling us not to go ahead.

Sushmita spoke of the Sushi which accounts for the reason for split in our world and how I hate her favorite food. She told Shinde that she cannot bear my boring Punjabi thali.

Shinde adjusted his tie and spoke, "I mean, are you guys sure that you want to file a divorce on differences in food? Honestly, it's the first time I am meeting a couple coming together and looking so much in love. It's a first in my successful career as a lawyer and I hate losing a case on account of such weak case. Please think again since I can assure you that the judge will quash the case on the first hearing."

Sushmita received a bolt from the blue and was fidgeting with her hand. She normally does this when somebody hurts her ego and she cannot take No for an answer. I was secretly having fun and wanted to pounce on Shinde to give him a tight hug. "Thank you, Shinde," I wanted to say. Everybody has a hero and today Shinde emerged as one.

The lawyer escorted us till the door. We drove back home without uttering a word and we both knew the reason for our silence. It was a blunder we made as we shed 40,000 rupees for this stupid counselling. Of course, I wasn't complaining since Sushmita paid with her credit card. Yes! I can be shameless with money. As we entered the house, Sushmita let the cat out of the bag, "Dude! You gotta gimme back half of the money since both of us wanted a divorce." I said ok but so wanted to say, "I, no longer, want a a divorce." Sushmita let out, "I am feeling bad to take money from you but you know, na, how it is."

I didn't reply to that. I felt like dancing and, thank God, for lawyers like Shinde who claimed their fees on listening to our mushy mushy reason for divorce. I can only think of Jim Carrey, lawyers liars but this one quite honest with his advice. I am thanking my stars for upsetting Sushmi's balance since I'm sure she will not bug me with lawyer advise after ended paying 40,000, which I obviously have no plan to give 20,000 bucks.

Divorcing over Sushi: Episode 11

We woke up late in the afternoon and the whole house was abuzz with excitement, loud laughing therapy among the elders. The house was nothing less than a jamboree with loud relatives in 50s and 60s yelling and sounding like a pale version of music breaking our ear lobes. It feels like we were in a wedding ceremony.

It made us so unhappy since we were looking for our personal space in our abode of peace. The loud aunty took the lead and made me and Sushmita sit together, as if we were craving for her attention. She was serenaded by the irritating husband, smoking his pipe and trying hard to emulate Al Pacino in Godfather. It sounds like a big family reunion with hordes of relatives mushrooming out of nowhere. The couple that we were looked at each other, confused and red with anger. We wanted to get out of the house or kick out the noisy relatives. We tried our best to smile. Pammy aunty pinched our cheek hard, "So, dulha aur dulhan, when is the good news coming?" We looked at each other. The irritating aunty laughed so hard that I was persuaded that she would get a role in Chucky's bride. She pressed the hand of Sushmita, "Uff! Bano mat! I know you've been to Lonavla for a second honeymoon and see how you are glowing. When is the baby coming out? After all, I'm waiting to be called Dadi and your parents are longing for a grand child."

This latest version of Chucky's bride always need to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Now, I pray when the divorce happen, she gets a heart attack and die on the spot. The pale version of Al Pacino had to poke his bloody noise, as if Pammy aunty was not enough. He sat on the sofa with his legs crossed and started with his moral sermon, "You have to realize that your parents are not becoming young. After all, a sukhi parivaar need to enjoy the joy of being doting grand parents to a cute baby boy or baby girl. You guys have been married for long and what will society say? You need to plan for a child." I wanted to strangle this asshole of a kind with the pillow lying on the couch. Now, the noisy relatives were irritating us.

Finally, I was so happy that Sushmita was doing the talking. "Actually, uncle and aunty. We are happy enjoying each other's company and don't intend planning for a child. We just don't have time to have a child."

Pammy aunty pretended to be offended, "What? You guys don't care about your future and parents. We need our children to grow up, be healthy and take care of us in old age." The idiotic husband added, "See, if you don't have a children now when you are young, you will see what will happen. The time you'll reach 50, your kids will turn 18 and leave you guys for university at the time you will need them." Pammy had to add her bit when we were both burning with anger, "This is the problem with young and modern couples in city and they don't care for our traditional values and culture. Don't be like them, my children. Having children is the best thing that should happen for a young, married couple and we have followed this tradition since times immemorial. We have always followed our ancestral values."

The fat Pammy walked clumsily and suddenly shouted showing her hand towards the balcony door facing the road, "Here." We all looked around and thought that something happened. "You know, Sapna aunty's daughter has three children after just two years after her marriage."

I had to break this nonsense and said shamelessly, "Acha! Pammy aunty! Tell me one thing? Your daughter is 30 na and still you haven't found anybody for her. Aur kya hua! I heard your son's wife left him after just three months of marriage." I just dropped a bomb and Sushmita was tried hard to contain her smile. The house went silent for a while and our parents were shell-shocked. Pammy and her hunk type Al Pacino type of husband didn't know where to look. Mom and Dad gave me the Are-You-Not-Ashamed kinda look, aise koi bolta hai bade se?". I had the last laugh and the irritating couple had to be shut down and made to swallow their gyaan kinda lecture.

Divorcing Over Sushi- Episode 10

Sushmita was surprised to see me bringing her bed tea and tray full of biscuits when she woke up. She wrapped her head in a thick bed sheet and spoke in barely audible voice, "You bringing tea and that too, so early. Pehle! You never did that." I sat on the chair and smiled. Something was happening to me and I don't know what we call that. Is it a change in mood due to the new Monsoon season at Lonavla? I have been experiencing weird feeling between the time I went to bed and woke up. So many things is playing spoilt sport to our divorce and now, I am not sure that I am party to the breaking up.Perhaps, why I stole Sush's sushi.
She jumped out of the bed and run towards the kitchen where I could hear some frantic noise where vessels were making some music, 'Look for me Baby.' I wondered whether Sushmita dreams of Sushi in her sleep. I hear her shouting for me, "Adi! Adi! Come here." I pretend to be on phone and she stormed in the room. She was yelling, "Where is my Sushi? Where the fuck has the food gone?" It spell trouble for me, and, obviously, I cannot take it out of my stomach to give it back to my so-called better half with whom I drive all the way from Mumbai to discuss peaceful divorce, amidst some creamy and thrilling sex session, in Lonavla.
I tried my level best to act funny, "Look for it well, it's not inside kya. May be you have eaten everything coz you are Sushi obsessed." I made an innocent face like a two-year-old." Sushmita lowers the tone of voice and said, "No! Mister! I remember very well that I left some since I wanted to have it in the morning. Why do you lie? It sucks and you know that I was looking forward to have some in the morning."
I smile and said, "Arre, yaar! I was feeling hungry and now you are angry for such a small thing. It's just food, yaar."
She looks at me straight into the eyes to show that she was upset. "Listen! It's not a question of you eating the food, yaa. Remember, I offer to share the food but you said that you don't want to have. I assumed that you will not have it since you hate Sushi and was looking to have it in the morning. It's just not right." She turned and walked away from the room.
I have never been able to understand this woman who can get angry with a small thing as Sushi. One can never know how she will react and change her mood depending on I don't know what. Still, she is my wife and I am falling in love over and over again. I never thought that in my widest dream that I would eat something that I hate, Sushi and I will fall in love with someone at the time we were plotting for divorce. We are here to discuss our divorce strategy and I am in love with her. I don't want to let her go now and, not even in my wildest dream, I will let her go. But, how? I never thought that my married life will get so complicated.
She came back to the room and said, "Listen! Now, that you ate my Sushi, you gotta buy me some." She smiled and she has melted. "You were very hungry at night,na." I nodded sheepishly like a child. Sushmita smiles with a cho chweet. "Chalo! Let's go for food now," she gave me a peck on the cheek. I couldn't help falling in love with her. When you are in love with someone, you start loving everything she does, say or eat. You find the things that irritate you so cute and I wonder whether you are in love with the person or the moment.
On our way to the restaurant, Sushmita suddenly ask, "Adi!! Are you still angry, kya? Acha, sorry but it was not my intention to hurt you." She was speaking lovingly and ran her fingers on my face, "Say something, na." She can be sweet and can get away with crime easily. I said, "Nahin, yaar, I am not angry."
"Then, why are you so silent?" she asked calmly.
Now, how do I tell her I am in love with her again. I tried to avert her gaze, "I was thinking of something, actually."
"Then, tell na," she prodded.
We reached the restaurant. We ordered for food and was sitting at the table. She broke the silent and, by looking at her, I knew that she was suspicious about my silence. I was scared that she might get to know about the change in my behavior. Finally, she spoke, "I have decided that we need to speak to a lawyer since our reason for divorce is making it difficult for both of us to work it out. I just can't lie, yaar and I spoke to a lawyer. We have a meeting with him on Monday."
I got a jolt and my heart tanked. I couldn't react and bear to live without Sushmita. I muttered, "Theek hai! If you have decided what's the best option for both of us, we will go with that."
She smiled, "I'm still thinking what to tell our parents."
I suggested, "You know since divorce takes a long time, we can come up with a plan that we are going to UK for three months and set matters from there. We will not tell our parents anything and, the moment this lawyer of yours sort thing out, we shall come back.".
"Good idea," Sushmita said with a tinge of sadness on her face.
Yeh emotions, I tell you. It can really screw the most rational person and she is the one who thinks clearly between us. I am the most illogical one since I think with the heart.
We drove back to Mumbai during the afternoon. When we entered Mumbai, we were again greeted by traffic snarl but it was not raining this time. We almost forgot that it's 26 January, India's Republic Day celebration. Children were on the street, happily waving India's tricolor flag. Sushmita urged me to stop the car in the middle of the traffic as she jumped towards some street urchins and hugged them. She can be unpredictable and, till the time I parked the car, I saw her buying balloons and some pastries for the children. I never saw this Sushmita before and no matter how much I try to prevent it, I am falling in love with her. She held my hand and said, "They are very cute,na. Let's click some pictures with them." I couldn't say no as she grabbed a poor laborer who clicked the picture with her cell phone. She was in a jolly mood and told the guy, "Thank you, Bhaiyaa. Happy Republic Day."
We are planning to divorce each other but clicking picture with a huge smile on our faces. Nobody could say that we will live separately in the future. We reached home and were greeted by a horde of visitors. We made an excuse that we are tired and going to sleep. We hate meeting the irritating guests.  Sushmita dozed off on the bed and I can see a very happy and smiling face, lying on bed. I wasn't feeling sleepy and managed to sneak out of the house.
I watched Jab We Met alone at the mall and I needed the 'ME' time after how my life was suddenly changing. I have fallen in love with my wife and enjoying the candy floss romance in the theater, among romantic couples cuddling and whispering small nothing into each other's ears. I was yearning for Sushmi's presence by my side. I am missing her.

Divorcing Over Sushi-Episode 9

Lonavla

We set on a bumpy ride from Mumbai to Lonavla as the car keep stumbling on pot holes due to the heavy rains lashing in the city. It's been an hour and the car is moving still and dangling it's way in the city. I am getting pissed and wondering when on earth we are going to reach Lonavla to discuss divorce matters..well not just any kinda divorce but over Sushi.

As we drove in the traffic, 'Ajeeb Dastan hai yah, kahan shuru kahan khatam' was playing on Red FM and we burst off laughing. The song has something to do with our current married status and I was like, WTF!!!! Nobody even hum this song nowadays after faking an orgasm or after sex gone wrong. Sushmi slapped me on my right hand but I was laughing intentionally just to irritate her. It's damn tough to irritate her today since she is in a jovial mood. I wonder why and got the hint. Perhaps, she is up to something naughty and it's been racking my brain. The rain stopped abruptly as we were able to move out of Mumbai and sped on the highway. We reached Lonavla past midnight.

We checked in the guest house and we were sitting on the sofa, watching TV when the phone buzzed. It was Pinky Mausi who just happened to visit our home and she was told that we are in Lonavla. Oh No! Not again, I thought. It's the same irritating Pinky Mausi who pissed both of us at the wedding and nodded to her relationship advice in yes and no. I just wanted to thwart her nefarious concern about both and Sushmita. I said, "Haan! Mausi! She is sitting beside me and here, talk to her," as I threw the mobile like a tennis ball towards Sushmita's who grabbed it expertly. "Yes, Mausi!! No, we are not planning for the time being..Ok..Mausi, thank u, no problem..sure," Sushmita was pissed and wanted to get rid of her who wasn't willing to let go.

Sushmita gave me threatening look and just lashed, "You know, this Mausi of yours is so irritating. She just doesn't get and why the fuck you nicely passed the phone to me." I was having fun and just laughing at Sushmita who threw the pillow at me. I laughed, "What she asked?" Sushmita was not amused, "Don't ask!! When are we planning to make a baby???? Arrgg! We should make the most of Lonavla."

Pinky Mausi will always trouble us with her baby obsession and every time she meets us, she will go on and on on how important it is to have a child that will bring us happiness. I haven't seen such a funny situation. Here, we are plotting for a divorce and the time we reached, somebody just call to wish us happy honeymoon and baby-ing.

Suddenly, it started raining in Lonavla and we are confined to the guest house. Sushmita was the smartest and she already ordered Sushi, her favorite plate. This women, I'm sure, she harass air hostesses and stewards when she travel for Sushi and if she doesn't get it on air, she will raise a ruckus. It's past midnight and I can't get anything to eat. Thankfully, I bought some chikki on the way and guess, will do with that.

"Hey!" Sushmita called from the kitchen, "I'll keep some from you," She said mockingly, knowing very well that I hate Sushi. I said no and convinced her that my stomach is full. There is no way I am going to have Sushi and that too left over, even if it means that I die of hunger.

We were sitting on the bed, having beer and munching on chips. She reminded me that we need to work on a fine tuned strategy to work our divorce that will look acceptable to our parents. She asked, "Are you very sure about the Sushi-cum-Noodle thingy? I lit a cigarette and said, "Listen! our logical parents will not bite the bait and will find it ridiculous that we are splitting because of food." Sushmita inches close to me and nodded. It's very rare that she agrees with me and smiled. "You remember how you send Dad this T-Shirt on our marriage and before that, your heated argument with him on soldiers." I laughed.

We are already drunk and I hold her close to me. She moves towards me and I pull her hair away to kiss her.  I was not in control, we were not in control. We started smooching as I feel the electrifying pull of her body towards me. She bites me in the earlobe. I run my finger down on her naked body as she smiles sheepishly. She urges, "What are you waiting for?" I was not in control of myself and something inside was asking what I am doing and we didn't came to Lonavla for honeymooning but plot our divorce. I didn't pay heed to that voice as I ran my hand on her boobs. I was getting drawn to her as she pulled my jeans. We stood naked on bed. She scratched my shoulders with her long finger nails and it didn't took us a second to get inside each other. She moaned. It was quite an effort. I was feeling guilty because both of us are looking to divorce but we ended up having sex.

I walked towards the kitchen and gulped a glass of water down the throat. I was feeling better. I came back to the room and saw that she was fast asleep. Sushmita looked beautiful and attractive like a swan. I was feeling damn hungry and took a bites of Sushi that was left in the fridge. I don't know why I didn't object eating the Sushi and quite enjoyed munching. It was a different feeling to eat Sushi, the favorite, of my wife or soon to be ex-wife. It was strange, eating stuff that I normally hate and am jealous of, the same Sushi that made us grew apart. Has Sushmita's soul got into me after sex which perhaps united two souls in conflict with each other? I dodged the question.

I spent the night sleeping on the couch and didn't slept next to Sushmita. Dunno why? The bed was a huge one that can accommodate two people but I prefer to sleep alone. But, it was a different kind of feeling. I slept peacefully that night.

Divorcing over Sushi: Episode 8

I woke up at 6 a.m and I didn't remember when I crashed on the sofa in the car. I vaguely remember what relationship advise RJ Kamya gave to me except her giggles and she trying to make sense by telling me to have a heart felt chat with my wife. I opened the car and splashed some water on my face before heading back to the apartment to catch some sleep.

Time to forget about RJ Kamya and Radio Mirchi. I gotta work something else, but what? Heart felt chat with the wife! How do I forget that we are conspiring together to get a divorce over food and everything else? We do not fight like other couples, there are no extra marital affairs where we could accuse each other. Sushmita's idea of me being impotent is the most lame excuse I've ever heard to divorce. I slept for nearly eight hours during the day and woke up in the evening.

Susmita came home at six, threw herself on me with a peck on my cheek and a tight hug. I can't tell how attractive and electrifying she is as our bodies made contact, her bosom against my chest. I moved away before something untoward happens between us. I am the first husband who is avoid body contact with his wife or any form of intimacy. She made a sign towards the living room, "Are they inside?" I asked her why and she gestured towards our parents. I replied, "No! They've gone out for shopping. Btw, have you thought bout' how we go towards our divorce plans?"

She replied, "I dunno, yaar. Perhaps, you should give a hint what we should do. As it is, you know how we fought with them to get married and, just imagine, the calamity that will struck if we announce our divorce."

I nodded and agreed with her point of view. But, something must be done.

I pour a whisky with ice in our glasses and scratch my head. Idea! Yeah! "Listen," I yelled. "Idea! What if you tell them that you've got a scholarship to London and that you are going to stay with Aditi."

She sported a despairing look and laughed ironically. "Ranveer! How does that solve our divorce problems?"

I smiled and say, "See, you move to London for a while and it means we are no longer together. Chup ke se, we file for divorce on account of incompatibility and we can give any bullshit to the magistrate. As it is, there are no dearth of lawyers who will help us do that."

She started laughing, "I just can't believe what you just said. Do you think the courts are some supermarkets where you can to buy condoms? Dude, divorce take a very long time to be granted. What are you hinting at? Don't tell our parents! They are our parents' for fuck sake and you think Aditi won't tell anything to our relatives. She is my cousin and will keep bugging me why we are heading for a divorce. I don't wanna be a laughing stock in front of our extended family in London."

We are, probably, the first couple who are clueless about our own divorce. It's been such a big headache and none of the ideas are really tilting in our favor. We've tried every trick in the book and the whole bunch of ideas that I flouted with pride has fallen flat on my face. Gosh! Gosh! I am a creative PR person and she is an ad person, but, what is happening to our minds.

Sushmita is getting ready and give me a peck on my cheek, which I am sure the red lip stick will remain. Before heading towards the door, she tells, "Listen! Don't worry, baby. We need to fake a fight and let's plan for a gateway to Lonavla next Sunday, on the pretext of working it out. Bye."

Wow! I mean, look at her. She said it so effortlessly as if we are some honeymoon couple enjoying life. Yet, we are plotting our own divorcing over 'Sushi.' I so wanted to tell her, "Stop Baby-ing." After all, technically, we are a couple who wanna get divorce so desperately.  But, she says everything so sweetly that I cannot protest over anything that she says. Now, over to Lonavla over some Sushi-Honeymoon kinda divorce experiment. 

Divorcing over Sushi: Episode 7

I am back from reality. We are an unhappily-happily married couple, lying on the bed after having sex and plotting for divorce. I pull on my jeans and white t-shirt as I set to drive the car and tune on to Radio Mirchi. Idea! Yes! Idea! I gonna listen to radio and I will sort out how to get rid of each other. RJ Kamya, the girl with the sweet and sexy voice solve problems live on radio but, for that, I gotta wait till midnight. Radio Mirchi will help us get out of our marital bond and, yeah, Sushi, will be out of my life. Arre! Bhai! I will see no Sushi on the table, in the kitchen and gosh! The very taste or perfume of Sushi will not poison me anymore The very thought of someone making me eat Sushi is giving me a heart attack and sounds nauseatic. I feel like vomiting. Oh! Lord Voldemorte! Save me from the clutches of Sushi-mita combo. It's like buy one, get one free,  Sushi+ Sushmita.

What if I join a political Party? Perhaps, those communists groups and if I am elected, I will ban Sushi from all the restaurants. CPI-M is a communist party and I'll cry hoarse that restaurants started by capitalists all over the city are sucking the blood of the poor and exploiting people and Sushi should be banned. I will protest and take slum-dwellers from all over Mumbai to protest against Sushi. Then, opposition and media will tell that my wife eats Sushi. I'll narrate my plight to them and how Sushmita has made my life hell by munching Sushi every day. Ok! No problem. I'll call a press conference and announce that I am divorcing her because of Sushi. Just imagine Infinity Mall and other places in Mumbai operating without Sushi. I'll be called the father of reforms and fighting against Sushi. Perhaps! like Raja Ram Mohan Roy and Swami Vivekananda who fought against idol worship and my putla will placated all over the city.

I gave Sushmi a call in the evening, "Hey! Wassup? Listen, I am not coming home in the evening and inform our parents ki I'm staying at a friend's place." She remained mute for a while and started teasing, "So! Mister, you enjoyed the Sushi night, err! I mean, the sex."

"Huh! Again with the Sushi!!! What? Sex! I didn't do anything, my Sushi lady."

She reminded me my joke sucks about her favorite plate and how can I disclaim sex like the Maggi Noodle that I eat. "Btw, you've become terrible on bed and guess, we can use that for our divorce conspiracy..haha..anyways, will inform our parents and I am going to stay at Anjali's place for some Sushi party." What!!!! She is again going for Sushi, yaa, and now, she is planning to tell them we are divorcing and she is calling me impotent, I can't believe that. I will seek revenge from her and gonna make her drink like a fish. Yesterday night will not be the last time, we had sex. She called me impotent and we gonna have a last night. I will take my revenge. Oh! Lord! What I am saying? We are getting divorced over Sushi and not sex.

I lied to her and I parked the car near Shivaji Park, Bandra. I called the Barista guy, "Haan! Chotu! I am outside Shivaji Park and bring me one cold Arabica with ice cream and chocolate topping." Choti knocked on the window of the Maruti Swift and I handed him 500-rupee-note. I told him to take the change.

Gosh! It's past midnight and I am enjoying the breeze in the silence of the night at Dadar which is unusually silent at night. I peep through the rear mirror and saw a young couple making out on a bike. I am getting so irritated and was about to turn the car and stop near the bike to tell them to take a room. I take a sip of my coffee and tune on Radio Mirchi. I finish the coffee and RJ Kamya is on air with her show 'Luv ka Tadka'. Fuck the lovey-dovey couple hungry for intimacy. I am not here to save their life and let Pandoo Mama comes and charge them for indecent behavior, PDA in public.

In my haste to pick up the phone, I spilled half of the coffee on the front seat and immediately poured a bottle of water to avoid ants terrorizing my car. I picked up the phone and dialed the number. What the fuck!!! "Iss phone ki sabi line vyast hai, kripa baad mein phone kijiye (All lines are busy, call again). I was like, here I abandon the comfort of my bed to sleep in a small car on a public road and this stupid voice is telling me to try again. I am feeling sleeping and I've been trying to get through RJ Kamya some 100 times. Oh! Now only five minutes remaining for the programme to end and it's almost 1 a.m in Mumbai. Miracle! It's ringing! It's ringing. RJ Kamya announces in her coy but sweet voice, "Hi, night lovers, we are going to take our last caller for this show in Mumbai..Hi....." Fuck, she is speaking to me and how do I tell her...I take a deep breath. She spoke sweetly in her soft voice, "Hi..hi..c'mon speak to me, I am your host, don't be shy." I regained my composure and stammer, "Hi Kamya, I am anonymous from Mumbai. I want to divorce my wife because she eats Sushi every day." RJ Kamya stopped in her track and started giggling on the phone and start laughing. "Ok!!! Hi Anonymous! Is this some kind of a joke." I retorted, "Do I look like I am joking on the phone?" She giggled, "Oh!! Okie! Listen dude........................