2014-01-27

Divorcing over Sushi: Episode 11

We woke up late in the afternoon and the whole house was abuzz with excitement, loud laughing therapy among the elders. The house was nothing less than a jamboree with loud relatives in 50s and 60s yelling and sounding like a pale version of music breaking our ear lobes. It feels like we were in a wedding ceremony.
It made us so unhappy since we were looking for our personal space in our abode of peace. The loud aunty took the lead and made me and Sushmita sit together, as if we were craving for her attention. She was serenaded by the irritating husband, smoking his pipe and trying hard to emulate Al Pacino in Godfather. It sounds like a big family reunion with hordes of relatives mushrooming out of nowhere. The couple that we were looked at each other, confused and red with anger. We wanted to get out of the house or kick out the noisy relatives. We tried our best to smile. Pammy aunty pinched our cheek hard, "So, dulha aur dulhan, when is the good news coming?" We looked at each other. The irritating aunty laughed so hard that I was persuaded that she would get a role in Chucky's bride. She pressed the hand of Sushmita, "Uff! Bano mat! I know you've been to Lonavla for a second honeymoon and see how you are glowing. When is the baby coming out? After all, I'm waiting to be called Dadi and your parents are longing for a grand child."
This latest version of Chucky's bride always need to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Now, I pray when the divorce happen, she gets a heart attack and die on the spot. The pale version of Al Pacino had to poke his bloody noise, as if Pammy aunty was not enough. He sat on the sofa with his legs crossed and started with his moral sermon, "You have to realize that your parents are not becoming young. After all, a sukhi parivaar need to enjoy the joy of being doting grand parents to a cute baby boy or baby girl. You guys have been married for long and what will society say? You need to plan for a child." I wanted to strangle this asshole of a kind with the pillow lying on the couch. Now, the noisy relatives were irritating us.
Finally, I was so happy that Sushmita was doing the talking. "Actually, uncle and aunty. We are happy enjoying each other's company and don't intend planning for a child. We just don't have time to have a child."
Pammy aunty pretended to be offended, "What? You guys don't care about your future and parents. We need our children to grow up, be healthy and take care of us in old age." The idiotic husband added, "See, if you don't have a children now when you are young, you will see what will happen. The time you'll reach 50, your kids will turn 18 and leave you guys for university at the time you will need them." Pammy had to add her bit when we were both burning with anger, "This is the problem with young and modern couples in city and they don't care for our traditional values and culture. Don't be like them, my children. Having children is the best thing that should happen for a young, married couple and we have followed this tradition since times immemorial. We have always followed our ancestral values."
The fat Pammy walked clumsily and suddenly shouted showing her hand towards the balcony door facing the road, "Here." We all looked around and thought that something happened. "You know, Sapna aunty's daughter has three children after just two years after her marriage."
I had to break this nonsense and said shamelessly, "Acha! Pammy aunty! Tell me one thing? Your daughter is 30 na and still you haven't found anybody for her. Aur kya hua! I heard your son's wife left him after just three months of marriage." I just dropped a bomb and Sushmita was tried hard to contain her smile. The house went silent for a while and our parents were shell-shocked. Pammy and her hunk type Al Pacino type of husband didn't know where to look. Mom and Dad gave me the Are-You-Not-Ashamed kinda look, aise koi bolta hai bade se?". I had the last laugh and the irritating couple had to be shut down and made to swallow their gyaan kinda lecture.
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