2014-01-19

Divorcing over Sushi: Episode 8

I woke up at 6 a.m and I didn't remember when I crashed on the sofa in the car. I vaguely remember what relationship advise RJ Kamya gave to me except her giggles and she trying to make sense by telling me to have a heart felt chat with my wife. I opened the car and splashed some water on my face before heading back to the apartment to catch some sleep.
Time to forget about RJ Kamya and Radio Mirchi. I gotta work something else, but what? Heart felt chat with the wife! How do I forget that we are conspiring together to get a divorce over food and everything else? We do not fight like other couples, there are no extra marital affairs where we could accuse each other. Sushmita's idea of me being impotent is the most lame excuse I've ever heard to divorce. I slept for nearly eight hours during the day and woke up in the evening.
Susmita came home at six, threw herself on me with a peck on my cheek and a tight hug. I can't tell how attractive and electrifying she is as our bodies made contact, her bosom against my chest. I moved away before something untoward happens between us. I am the first husband who is avoid body contact with his wife or any form of intimacy. She made a sign towards the living room, "Are they inside?" I asked her why and she gestured towards our parents. I replied, "No! They've gone out for shopping. Btw, have you thought bout' how we go towards our divorce plans?"
She replied, "I dunno, yaar. Perhaps, you should give a hint what we should do. As it is, you know how we fought with them to get married and, just imagine, the calamity that will struck if we announce our divorce."
I nodded and agreed with her point of view. But, something must be done.
I pour a whisky with ice in our glasses and scratch my head. Idea! Yeah! "Listen," I yelled. "Idea! What if you tell them that you've got a scholarship to London and that you are going to stay with Aditi."
She sported a despairing look and laughed ironically. "Ranveer! How does that solve our divorce problems?"
I smiled and say, "See, you move to London for a while and it means we are no longer together. Chup ke se, we file for divorce on account of incompatibility and we can give any bullshit to the magistrate. As it is, there are no dearth of lawyers who will help us do that."
She started laughing, "I just can't believe what you just said. Do you think the courts are some supermarkets where you can to buy condoms? Dude, divorce take a very long time to be granted. What are you hinting at? Don't tell our parents! They are our parents' for fuck sake and you think Aditi won't tell anything to our relatives. She is my cousin and will keep bugging me why we are heading for a divorce. I don't wanna be a laughing stock in front of our extended family in London."
We are, probably, the first couple who are clueless about our own divorce. It's been such a big headache and none of the ideas are really tilting in our favor. We've tried every trick in the book and the whole bunch of ideas that I flouted with pride has fallen flat on my face. Gosh! Gosh! I am a creative PR person and she is an ad person, but, what is happening to our minds.
Sushmita is getting ready and give me a peck on my cheek, which I am sure the red lip stick will remain. Before heading towards the door, she tells, "Listen! Don't worry, baby. We need to fake a fight and let's plan for a gateway to Lonavla next Sunday, on the pretext of working it out. Bye."
Wow! I mean, look at her. She said it so effortlessly as if we are some honeymoon couple enjoying life. Yet, we are plotting our own divorcing over 'Sushi.' I so wanted to tell her, "Stop Baby-ing." After all, technically, we are a couple who wanna get divorce so desperately.  But, she says everything so sweetly that I cannot protest over anything that she says. Now, over to Lonavla over some Sushi-Honeymoon kinda divorce experiment. 
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