2014-01-08

Divorcing over Sushi: Episode Two

I was horrified in the morning as I found myself lying naked on bed by the side of a woman with whom I am conspiring to divorce. My first reaction is that it may be an illusion since I must be high on the alcohol and the ganja we smoke in the party. I touched Sushmita's body thrice to make sure she is real. It is the same woman I made love to three years earlier in the car and during our courtship and blissful married life. She is lying completely naked. I am bewildered that I had the nerves to be intimate with her at a time we are dying to get rid of each other. I swear to be off alcohol, till I sign on the dotted papers of divorce, at least in her company. Maya jaal seems to be over powering me..oops! Sushmi jaal..I can smell, I weigh my words rightly, smell Sushi in the kitchen. Oh! Somebody please save this helpless man! Wait! Is there anything called Abhla Mard on the defensive out to defend his honour.

Three Years Back
I am sloshed and struggling to find my way to the car parking zone outside Olive disco, zigzagging my way to locate the Maruti Swift, I borrowed from Adi. Now, I am not sure that I'll reach the car safely. A female voice calls out, "Oye! Are you okay?" I keep walking clumsily, she is not calling me but may be a friend, boy friend, husband, ex boy friend. How do I care? At least, I've reached the parking and, in the worst case scenario, I'll pass out till the morning and sleep peacefully on the ground. I feel like puking and almost fell on the ground, losing balance. Somebody held my body and I can feel her boobs against me. I can't even see her face as everything was dark in my world. A feminine voice shouts out, "Guard, please help me and hold this drunkard till the time I take my car." Wait, did somebody call me a drunkard?
In a flick of minutes, two security guard gently put me on the sofa seat of the car. I started shouting, "Let me drive, I can and want to go home. No worry."
I get a tight slap on the face, "Fuck you. It's not your car and it's mine. I dare you to touch my wheels. You can come and take your car, tomorrow."
"Who are you?"
"None of your fucking business. I am taking you to my home and you'll sleep on the sofa. Make sure you don't puke inside coz  don't wanna you dirty my sofa."
I am too drunk to protest at this over agitating, angry young woman who must be a huge fan of Amitabh Bachchan. I bet she's Punjabi coz only sardarni are so hot blooded in my dictionary. I pass out in the car that zoomed past the busy road and honking wildly.
I  woke up with a head ache in the morning, barely remembering when I slept and how I ended up on the mattress lying on the floor. What I remember is that some hot chick I hardly knew drag me to her house after I couldn't find my way to the car in the parking space, not without threatening me. I woke up and served myself a bottle of chilled water from the fridge in the kitchen. I sat for a while and happy that I didn't make out with the random girl. After all, how can I? I was drunk like a fish and couldn't stand on my feet and sex is like grabbing the stars on the moon.
Dring..dring...the phone buzz and it was Mehki on the phone. "Hello! You are such an asshole, Adi?" I was about to retort and refute the accusations by shouting loudly but maintained a stoic silence since I was in the house of a random girl who showed me direction and gave me a place to sleep rather than me crashing my car on the deserted streets in Mumbai. At least, Miss stranger spared me the trouble of appearing in the front page of sensational newspapers. I let Mehki venting out her frustration,"Asshole! You let me all alone during the night and disappeared, I dunno where. I found out and was told that some gal dragged you somewhere. You must be busy banging her. Anyways, what you deserve is a tight slap on your bloody face, you wretched. It's over between us," she cut the phone on my face.
Miss stranger was standing near the wall and greeted me with, "Good Morning, Mister and how are you feeling?, Hi I am Sushmita", she said offering a handshake and displaying her  best Colgate smile. On a normal day, I would try my lame joke, 'Sushmita Sen' but greeted her with, "I just broke up..you know, my ex-girl friend on phone."
"Pardon me," she looks perplexed.
"Sorry! Not a good way to be introduced but my ex announced breaking up with me."
She sounded unapologetic,"How interesting?"
Sushmita made coffee for both of us and we started talking about our lives. She signaled that she gotta be ready for work and that my car is safe in the ground parking lot. I didn't realize that I was suddenly getting drawn to her and was gushing as she was drying her hair and her fresh lipstick she just applied. She was wore a corporate black suit. I bade her farewell and I don't know what happened to me when I planted a kiss on her lips. At first, she let me coz she was too shocked to react and sat on the chair.
She looked straight at me with a menacing look, "Can you tell me what you just did?"
"I kissed you"
"She increased her voice decibel, "Please get out of my apartment?"
"Acha, I'm sorry. It was not my intention. I mean..hey listen..I got carried away?"
"Out, you bloody mother fucker, asshole," she sounded like a wounded tigress.
I opted out of her house to avoid her wrath. She sounded so aggressive. As I made way into the Maruti Swift, I thought, "She must be a hardcore Punjabi. I mean she is so aggressive and violent."
I would not spot the sight of Sushmita for the next three months and I was longing for her. I dated quite a few chicks but the free spirited Sushmita would haunt me until the famous reunion happened..Luck by Chance....
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