2014-01-19

Divorcing over Sushi: Episode 7

I am back from reality. We are an unhappily-happily married couple, lying on the bed after having sex and plotting for divorce. I pull on my jeans and white t-shirt as I set to drive the car and tune on to Radio Mirchi. Idea! Yes! Idea! I gonna listen to radio and I will sort out how to get rid of each other. RJ Kamya, the girl with the sweet and sexy voice solve problems live on radio but, for that, I gotta wait till midnight. Radio Mirchi will help us get out of our marital bond and, yeah, Sushi, will be out of my life. Arre! Bhai! I will see no Sushi on the table, in the kitchen and gosh! The very taste or perfume of Sushi will not poison me anymore The very thought of someone making me eat Sushi is giving me a heart attack and sounds nauseatic. I feel like vomiting. Oh! Lord Voldemorte! Save me from the clutches of Sushi-mita combo. It's like buy one, get one free,  Sushi+ Sushmita.
What if I join a political Party? Perhaps, those communists groups and if I am elected, I will ban Sushi from all the restaurants. CPI-M is a communist party and I'll cry hoarse that restaurants started by capitalists all over the city are sucking the blood of the poor and exploiting people and Sushi should be banned. I will protest and take slum-dwellers from all over Mumbai to protest against Sushi. Then, opposition and media will tell that my wife eats Sushi. I'll narrate my plight to them and how Sushmita has made my life hell by munching Sushi every day. Ok! No problem. I'll call a press conference and announce that I am divorcing her because of Sushi. Just imagine Infinity Mall and other places in Mumbai operating without Sushi. I'll be called the father of reforms and fighting against Sushi. Perhaps! like Raja Ram Mohan Roy and Swami Vivekananda who fought against idol worship and my putla will placated all over the city.
I gave Sushmi a call in the evening, "Hey! Wassup? Listen, I am not coming home in the evening and inform our parents ki I'm staying at a friend's place." She remained mute for a while and started teasing, "So! Mister, you enjoyed the Sushi night, err! I mean, the sex."
"Huh! Again with the Sushi!!! What? Sex! I didn't do anything, my Sushi lady."
She reminded me my joke sucks about her favorite plate and how can I disclaim sex like the Maggi Noodle that I eat. "Btw, you've become terrible on bed and guess, we can use that for our divorce conspiracy..haha..anyways, will inform our parents and I am going to stay at Anjali's place for some Sushi party." What!!!! She is again going for Sushi, yaa, and now, she is planning to tell them we are divorcing and she is calling me impotent, I can't believe that. I will seek revenge from her and gonna make her drink like a fish. Yesterday night will not be the last time, we had sex. She called me impotent and we gonna have a last night. I will take my revenge. Oh! Lord! What I am saying? We are getting divorced over Sushi and not sex.
I lied to her and I parked the car near Shivaji Park, Bandra. I called the Barista guy, "Haan! Chotu! I am outside Shivaji Park and bring me one cold Arabica with ice cream and chocolate topping." Choti knocked on the window of the Maruti Swift and I handed him 500-rupee-note. I told him to take the change.
Gosh! It's past midnight and I am enjoying the breeze in the silence of the night at Dadar which is unusually silent at night. I peep through the rear mirror and saw a young couple making out on a bike. I am getting so irritated and was about to turn the car and stop near the bike to tell them to take a room. I take a sip of my coffee and tune on Radio Mirchi. I finish the coffee and RJ Kamya is on air with her show 'Luv ka Tadka'. Fuck the lovey-dovey couple hungry for intimacy. I am not here to save their life and let Pandoo Mama comes and charge them for indecent behavior, PDA in public.
In my haste to pick up the phone, I spilled half of the coffee on the front seat and immediately poured a bottle of water to avoid ants terrorizing my car. I picked up the phone and dialed the number. What the fuck!!! "Iss phone ki sabi line vyast hai, kripa baad mein phone kijiye (All lines are busy, call again). I was like, here I abandon the comfort of my bed to sleep in a small car on a public road and this stupid voice is telling me to try again. I am feeling sleeping and I've been trying to get through RJ Kamya some 100 times. Oh! Now only five minutes remaining for the programme to end and it's almost 1 a.m in Mumbai. Miracle! It's ringing! It's ringing. RJ Kamya announces in her coy but sweet voice, "Hi, night lovers, we are going to take our last caller for this show in Mumbai..Hi....." Fuck, she is speaking to me and how do I tell her...I take a deep breath. She spoke sweetly in her soft voice, "Hi..hi..c'mon speak to me, I am your host, don't be shy." I regained my composure and stammer, "Hi Kamya, I am anonymous from Mumbai. I want to divorce my wife because she eats Sushi every day." RJ Kamya stopped in her track and started giggling on the phone and start laughing. "Ok!!! Hi Anonymous! Is this some kind of a joke." I retorted, "Do I look like I am joking on the phone?" She giggled, "Oh!! Okie! Listen dude........................
Post a Comment