2014-01-31

Divorcing Over Sushi: Episode 13

We were sitting in the room, watching TV and fighting over the remote like kids straight from kindergarten. Sushmi started cribbing, "Who fights over the remote like a school kid? You and your Cricket matches, I tell you men can never change. They keep watching some stupid cricket matches for the whole day. Who does that?"
I was aghast and said, "Oh! Wow! And, you not fighting kya to watch your Koffee with Karan. What's up with those stupid socialites, spilling the beans on their private lives. Gosh! Women, I can never understand them." I have fired the salvo and Sushmi is more than ready to take on me for daring speak a word against women. We are in for the great Hum Tum fight.
She stood on the bed like a politician and raises her hand, "I dare you speak one word against women."
I was in the mood, "Women."
She stood, with both hands on her waist and burst out laughing, rolling on the bed.
"So, Mister, you are scared of me?" she asked, non-chalantly.
"Why would I?" I started defending myself.
"Arre! Stop pretending. You said only, Women. Adi!! You are not funny and looks like a monkey."
I was making faces of monkey.
She slapped me on the hand and was smiling. Sushmi was at her charming best and love it when she displays her innocence. I fell in love with this cute face and I find it funny that I have a crush on my legally married wife. Fuck! I gotta woo her again like a teenager. And, I hate it.
She grabbed the remote from my hand and forced me to watch Koffee with Karan and held my hand, "Arre! let's watch na and stop being a bore." I didn't want to say No to her coz I don't wanna us to shed another 50 grands to some lawyer, telling we are divorcing over Karan Johar after the famous Sushi. I am imagining us sitting in court and asking for divorce on account of KJO and just imagine, how people will react to that. Just imagine how the media will react if they happen to know. We will be termed about the most ridiculous couple of the year.
When the show ended, I breathe easy and she switched off the TV. I was like, "What yaar!"
She pretended to be innocent, "Oh! You wanted to watched cricket, acha sorry."
I muttered, "It's ok."
Sushmi was in no mood to let me off the hook for telling something about women. "Waise! I am not done with you, yet. What did you say about women? What do you, men, think? You will say anything to women and we will remain mute spectators and comply with this stupid, Pati Parmeshwar or Maryada Purush."
I was like, "Oh! No! Where the conversation is going?"
She was adamant, "The conversation is going in the right direction and I don't understand why you men associate us with some TV shows or those stupid, Saas, Bahu. I know you make jokes about us watching soap operas."
I defended myself, "But, what did I say?"
"Not you, right now. But, many of the brainless species belonging to your breed."
"Oh! No!"
"Oh! Yes! Mister!
"Listen, Sushmi! I am in no mood to argue with you over women stuffs. This is the problem, you girls are so.."
"What..we are so..please complete your sentence."
"Nah! let it be."
"Why are you so scared? Complete what you have started. Do you lack the guts?"
"Okay! You women are so unpredictable and complex. One can never know where they can attack you and for something, harmless."
"See!!! You are like all men and call us complex. You, men, keep generalizing and label women as complex. What about you guys? You can keep sulking and when we ask what's bothering you, you just say nothing and crib in a corner. Did anyone tell you that guys are so boring with their cricket matches and typical masala 'Bollywood' brainless, mad capers."
"At least, we don't take loads and watch brainless, entertaining flicks."
And, as I thought that the insane but fun fight was reaching its height, she smiled and said, "See! I won." Sushmita was yelling, "Yeah! Baby! I won and you lost."
I protested and said, "I wanna shut your mouth."
She was giggling and jumping on the bed. I ran after her in the room and held her hand. I smooched her. She smiled, "Please tell me what you just did."
I replied, naughtily, "I had to shut your mouth. You were yelling."
She tried to appear non affected and blurted out, "See! You men are all the same. It's just a smooch which is normal and doesn't prove your manliness."
We threw pillows on each other and cuddled each other. 
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