2011-08-14

Yearning for personal space

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Hey guys, been facing an irritant since the few days..lagta hai ke mein Viral fever ke shikhar ho gayaa..had to skip Aarakshan twice..Wednesday and today. I am bugged by the flu and the throat infection. Brownie point: It's a shame. So far failed to cut smoking when I should..in the times of flu..I'm feeling so shitty and the flu preventing me to put on a proper post on the blog, reading an completing my short story. Same old story na..Still, I'll try something out on the blog..Waise, Happyy Raaksha Bandhan:)
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Chal, I'll try out yo vent out something outta here. Something that got to do with my present state of mine: mild depression. As a human being, it oft happens that I go into my shell. You woke up a day and have a gut feeling that everuthing or most of the things will turn awry. You decide to go into your shell and prefers minimum contact with fellow human beings. Psychologists and sctentists term it as: withdrawal symptom.
Guess me suffering from the withdrawal thing today. But, But I ain't doing dat bad coz I spoke top some people today. Guess, it got to do for my need for space. I crave for space and do my own things without being the least disturbed. Introspection or the need for Identity. Difficult to ponder on the matter coz i am quite confused right now.
For pointers, after 3 spoke to Mom for the minimum coz there is a need for me to practice the virtue of silence. As good as it gets. It got to do with my hectic work schedule as I have to speak to people when the mood is not really giving in to be the fucking male version of Miss Congeniality. I know one tend to fall in the trap of not living up to the identity but as a professional, one has to comply and try to be lovey lovey with colleagues and whoever that matters to make the work ride quite smooth. Well, that an unsavory perk of being a working professional. At the point of sounding anti social you end up putting an act. An act of mistaken identity as one finds himself alone, he tries to live up to his real self and prefers his much desired space.A time happens when you really want to tell the world. STOP! I need my space and it's personal and go get a life. A burning desire to cut off from the world as you have the blog, books and MYSELF for company. No social networks, friends and people can substitute for that. I personally crave the need to alone and cut from the humdrum of life.That's my life and I'm entitled to my own solace. I ain't gonna trade anything for that. I have my freedom to think anything I want and free from the judgement of the world. It's me and my world. Sure I am withdrawing and have all the rights in the world to do so. I am at ease to reflect on the past failures, bask in the glory of my own extravaganza and be completely wild in thoughts. It's gonna be crazy. Doesn't matter. I might be a misfit to society's best laid out rules or social mores. It gives fodder for thought. It's my space and I'm loving it to the fore. Some call it the aha moment. You know that you are free to think and free to act the way you want coz you are faced with your own self and identity. There is no one to disturb your thought process and you can afford to be a hero in your own eyes and without being opposed. I mean it's very true and your aura and confidence grows 10 fold. How one wish life was like that in reality and no asshole will come your way. A far cry from real life.
Cheerio.
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