Relationships: The XYZ of it!

I am no expert in relationships. After being in a string of relationships, both longtermish, short and very short that lasted couple of days or weeks or nor dating for years-I ain't sure whether you can call it relationships- and observing people's lives, there is no secret for a healthy and successful ones. There is no such thing as a recipe for a successful living together. It's the small things that make a relation work.

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1. More bak bak and less dhak dhak

Yes! It's true. A relationship is like the jam-packed local train starting from Churchgate to Borivali. In the local train, it's more dhak dhak and less bak bak but in real life, to make the dhak dhak work, you must do bak bak. Once Kajol said, Just talk and talk. It can be anything. Nonsense works most of the time to solve all misunderstandings. As a couple, whether married, living together or just being in a relationship, there is bound to be disagreement or conflict. What do you do next morning? Nopes! I ain't hinting at sex. Just talk and talk. For sure, the conflict or anger will be diluted. Kuch bhi? Of course!

2. Free each other

Love is all about unfettering each other and set totally free to fly and conquer. Or else, it's plain obsession or suffocation. I have seen it among many couples where growing insecurity and low self-esteem crops in when one of the partners speak or harmlessly flirt with another man or woman. Unfortunately, I've seen it coming more from men but also women who control the thoughts of their partners be it on philosophy, ideology, and religion. Be free as lovers and humans. Never enforce your personal beliefs on your partner, A relationship where political, religious or caste belief gains the upper hand is the recipe for disaster. Controlling a person because you love him or her, restricting movements or their choice to party, work till late,what to wear and when to reach home is an absolute No, No!

3. It's me or the Highway

Ego kills a relationship. How can we kill something sacred in its embryo? A moment of anger and words can pierce the heart or tear it into tiny pieces and once unleashed, it cannot be redeemed. A heart is no puzzle game that you can collect and put into a whole. I know it very well. I was immature and my acts damaged a beautiful friendship with an old crush and it took me ten years to say sorry. I often wonder, why do we hesitate so much to bend our back! Bending doesn't make us small or weak. It's a sign of maturity, love, and greatness. A relationship that matters is not defined by Ego and the age old adage, Me or the Highway.

4. Wear your heart on your sleeve

A relationship is not expressed in Head I win, Tail You lose. Such love equation fizzles with time and was never one in the first place. Open the heart and soul naked. Let love flow in equal measure. The idea is to let the person you love enter your heart freely, to touch your inner sense and sensuality. Grow together, accept your flaws and be each other's strength in good and bad times. You can always be a strong pillar of support to each other and don't play hide and seek when it comes to emotions. 

5. Pillow fight

Throw pillow on each other, slug it out and disagree on issues. Being in love or in a relationship doesn't mean you have to agree with each other on every single thing in life. Disagreements don't mean it's the hotbed for conflicts or to make things personal but it is a matter of exploring facets of your respective personalities that you are unaware of and it's another way to get to know each other better. It's a sign of a healthy relationship and learning.

6. Party like wild kids

You've been in a relationship for a long time or are married with kids, slugging your ass in the corporate world. Who says you cannot behave like kids? Party like wild animals, drink like a fish and have the most exotic-cum-spicy sex. Play the game of dating for the first time by pretending to be a stranger in a cafe or pub. Get your friends introduce both you over and again. That's the deal. Be like singles again, do your own things, meet solo friends, go on an adventure trek and don't make your relationship the world in itself that you shunt others. Then, go back to each in an unbarred and bold fashion.

Unknown destination

Fear of the unknown.

Alien destination.

Mind wandering in alien territory.

A seeker searching for truth.

What a pack of lies he led?

Ordinary mortal!!

Obsessed with materialism.

False ego and pride.

Lust.

Anger.

Facing the angel of death,

he asks, Who are you?

I am your shadow, angel says.

Illusion of a life,

led in darkness.

Face to face with truth.

Thick black fog blazes his vision.

He wore blinkers all the years.

Sowing seeds of doubts in their minds,

he faces them.

Dancing,

bowing to him.

Performing fire rituals.

His time was up.

Shrouded in darkness,

he saw half truth.

An unknown destination and path,

is not the end of his journey.

Infinite journey, perhaps.

Love

Visha;

World of false pretense

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We live in difficult times as we lurch forward to pretend be someone we never was, is and never will be. Why is it so difficult to be ourselves and feels happy to be who we are? Well, that's life for some I guess!!!! There is one guy in office who we all know is gay. His attitude, the way he walks and mannerism..Not that I have a problem with that. I never had any problem with homo or lesbians and that will never happen. Living one's sexuality is the right to life and is a matter of choice.
What amuses me is how this guy hits on practically every gal in the office to an irritating level. Sure, the girls laughs back and play the pretense game, feigning their ignorance at his sexuality. What stupido ignores is that by trying to be the dude people will not notice his sexuality. Like last time he was acting funnily with a girl telling her, tell your boyfriend that our love is stronger and the other one, you didn't miss me the time you were on the trip with your husband. I feel like laughing. Dude, just be yourself and people will respect you for what you are rather than what you are not.
Someone has chosen to be gay or lesbian and it is entirely their take to live this life on their own. True, we cannot stop people from condemning someone. But, who cares as long as you lead your own life, they don't feed you. Nobody owes anyone some kinda explanation. I have nothing against people attracted to same-sex. I mean my sexual orientation differ from them but over the years I have learned to appreciate them and there are some wonderful people among the gay community.
However, what pisses me is when someone try to acts smart and shows what he's not. It can really nurture criminal tendency in me and when you over do things to show your maschism to women and try to prove that you can bed them. First of all, you are not even macho or can't bed women. So why put up this pretense? To a certain extent, our guy has created a self impression,oh! He hits on every woman who joins the office and he is damn happy and proud of this false impression that he is some kind of hunk. I dunno perhaps it boost his ego and makes him feel good. It's also a way to crave and gain an acceptance in a society in which he lives. Make no mistake bout it..This society riddled with prejudices can and will never accept you the way you are. So why try hard and just tell them to fuck off. I am What I AM!!!!! In what world some people live I don't understand. But, then not everyone have the guts to be a non-conformist.Well, I guess that's life for some.
If I could write a whole book on this guy, it should come in a dozen volumes and must be huge stuff to carry. Sometimes, if I feel like laughing my ass off I can just listen to this guy speaking. Man!!!! He speaks so much crap to the ladies and one of them brandished him as pervert. Well, his lack of confidence about himself speaks volume. He really give the impression of being despo and he could easily pass off as a sadist. I pity him and the impression he has created about himself. Get real dude!!!!
Enter person no.2: He's a senior in the office and is over 60. Basically, a comedy show who doesn't think what he speaks not once, twice, thrice or zillion times. He's got a fixation: He's the best and no one can be like him. In a sense, he's our daily dose of entertainment and a confused package of funny, anger. He tries to be cool and his ultimate aim is to hit on every new girl that joins office. Mind you, these guys are not even a quarter of his age. At one moment, he will be very angry ready to break everything and the next moment, the funniest character in the office. He always has a story to tell us. At times it can be funny but it always end up to be irritating. He's an intelligent guy but often I don't know what happens to him. He will always make trivial issue become damn serious.The fact is that he wanna give the impression to the boss and pretend that he is. He often tells us that if he wants on his own he  can bring down the government. He overacts and you gotta listen to him with a straight face or else he might think that you are not listening and he will get very angry.
I mean why why a person can get so much angry and try to show that he is the one, the boss. I mean we respect him and make him vet some work because he's the senior. Still, he is not satisfied at times. Whooa! This guy is something and when he is drunked, he acts so funny. The man wanna prove to be something he is not. Man! He can be a real maniac and sadist sometimes. This is one guy that I may not be able to forget, never ever in my life coz he is so weird, funny. It's a hard task to gauge his emotions and moods. Man! When he gets angry he can really bring the house down. The next day when he will come, he will act as if nothing ever happened.
The remarks he make on things and matters will make you laugh..of course at his own expense. After some time, he will come to your desk and narrate some  stories that happened in his village. If you are too busy, he will say,No, You have to listen it's part of your education. Once we are discussing something related to work and he told me how someone in her family run away with a guy or his nephew was sleeping with his servant and the poor wife lost her husband. Of course, there were not an iota of truth in them.
Why can't people get real? OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BESHARMI MORCHA

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We are living in a time where our sexual desires are repressed. Let’s face: We are sexually frustrated and our free flow of thinking process has become judgmental as a result of moral and religious influence. We have become hypocrites as we lead a life based on mistrust, prejudice and of course our male egos and superegos. Freud would die of a heart attack had he been alive.

It’s a sham. I am a man and I’m the first to admit how we snigger at a woman wearing short skirt, bare back and showing her cleavage. Yet, we voice against it in front of everyone showing how morally right we are. But, that doesn’t stop us from passing snide and leering remarks in private. We literally rape the women in our minds as we enjoy a libido.

A woman has the right to wear any form of clothes she chose to wear before venturing outside. As a civilized and democracy we must ensure that we protect and uphold the right to life and the dignity of a human being. Freewill is opposed to coercion where we are imposing a set of dress code and moral more to impede a person’s freedom.

None of the clothes wore by a woman should justify physical, emotional or psychological violence.

For starters I am referred to the slut walk that took place in Toronto when a cop asked women to avoid dressing like sluts to avoid physical violence. It’s our own Besharmi Morcha which took place on the streets of Delhi. The walk addresses several issues to the way a woman is dressed, her perception in the corporate board room. There are cases when a fully-clad woman have been subjected to sexual violence. The thoughts of the cop exist in many societies including India where a woman dressed in short skirt is viewed as an easy-lay. I find it revolting and disgusting as my own kin-read it aloud MEN indulges in such kind of behaviour and mindset.

The attitude must stop. I support the Besharmi Morcha and irrespective of its outcome, it has sparked a debate. Why just Delhi? Cities like Mumbai, Pune, Bangalore, Nagpur, Punjab should come forward. Words like Slut Walk or Besharmi Morcha are just names and could have easily been termed the uprising of the fairer sex or revolution. It makes sense for such walks as cities like Delhi and Mumbai witnessed a surge of sexual violence against women. Remember on new year eve, a woman accompanied by a male companion was molested at the Gateway of India.

I am conscious that everyone supporting the cause will be subject to derision of the part of extremist political, social and feminist groups. We are not here to ply to their set of acceptable standards of behaviour. It is not just a walk but a cause for a better society. We belong to the young generation and in today’s times when a woman rules in the board of directors of Pepsico we cannot afford to be ruled by sexist attitudes or male sexual domination. It is a time to act as it is our lives. It belongs to us and not to some so-called predators. Who gave the right to put a judgment and the right to rape and kill?

Who gives me the right to call someone a ‘randi’? What is a randi? I am a male. I can be randi as well. I may well sell my soul for money like many CEOs or politicians do.

It’s sad how we men tend to look at women and we are only too happy not to remove our tinted glassed. It suits us and our interests. It boost our dominance and sexual ego. Perching on a high position, the tinted glasses gives me the right to force myself sexually on a women in exchange for promotion, both from a physical and psychological point of view? Who gives me the right to do so and brandish someone showing her breast that she is willing around with everyone?