Shifting balance of emotions and relationships

Dating and romance are no piece of cake. Relationships can get complex and is very fleeting in nature, as equation changes every single day or moment when we tend to fall in and out of love.  There are bonds that stay forever or for a very long time that it alters our mental and physical state in such a fashion triggering emotions or scars that stay permanently.

The last relationship that I was involved in took a huge a toll on my emotional well-being and years were spent to get out of it or flush every possible emotion from the system. I fought with myself and will argue, Can one remove every single trace after investing everything in this relationship? It seems like an emotional miasma of despair that spurts like liquid inside your physical body and running through the brain. It's been almost nine years and glad that I am out of it after a long battle with myself. I am not whining or shifting the blame. No! I cannot do that. Playing the blame game doesn't help for none of us are at fault for failing to nurture the plant.

Move on is an easy adjective to describe things that pan out. Fine! We learn to get up, nurse the wounds and take fresh steps again on our journey as we learn our lessons. Every relation, good or bad can teach us so much to empower and give strength.  I saw my relationship with Her as a blessing of sort. Why we cannot remove every single emotional trace?  

First, no matter what we do, say or behave, tiny bit of thoughts will crop up, owing to our imagination, memory of places we’ve been together, a song, film or conversations that keeps popping one after the other inside the head.

 It's not a question about love but the soul itself where the stamp of feeling wanted, emotional drains or disappointment are stuck like a rubber. Love does fly out of the window with time but perhaps we need to look inward to see why the footprint of the past relationships pervades through.
Answers are sought but difficult to find on what ticked or didn't. The best thing is to avoid the questions of 'whatever remained' or else we would never be able find closure or call it quits.  

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We are all special and extraordinary folks capable of loving and getting so much back in return which is again not the best thing to do. At least, do not let the grief or emotional upheaval control the brain that can impede the human growth. The presence of a new person in life can push the delete button of the past love into oblivion. Debatable! Yes, for there are folks who have gone on a dating spree but still cannot come to terms for the traces of past love is like harmful sugar inside the body. I would argue that it depends on us if we are ready to move on and embrace life with a fresh perspective, ready to uncover the layer of dust in the new relationship.

Relationships do change over time for everyone. We are humans and cannot help thoughts stroking our mind and tit bit of conversations piercing the ears. The best thing is not to push away the feeling or words that made us laugh or smile in another time that has gone away. The past will never come back and don’t indulge in self-harm. There is a thin line between love and obsession, don't make it become one or else it was never pure emotions in the first place.

Love
Vishal

Relationship, space and contradiction

Relationships are temporary and grow fickle in today's times. The rush to jump on the bandwagon of S for Shaadi is passe and taking the plunge to validate this ideology, 'You need a shoulder to lean on' is like living in the times of our ancestors. Dada-ji ke zamaane type doesn't find an echo with today's youth who have already fleshed out their priorities and there is no dearth of it, career comes first for some, love or family matters follows for the rest and globe trotting the universe for the adventurous lot.  One cannot afford to lose on several counts and the need to make things work out from a professional perspective to make money, get experience and shine  takes priority above the need to settle. As far as relationships are concerned, tinder is looming right in front of the window and there is no rubber stamp on sex. In today's times, being casual works perfectly fine for this generation and there is no need to take load.

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Relationships can wait and one can tie the knot at the later stage of 35 or 40 that is considered to be the new 18. The hitch is that no matter how much we want to get into a relationship with someone or a fling of sort, time comes in the way like a bitch. We become so busy and there is always the fear of not being able to connect the dots. Is there a twinge of regret for not making the most to be in a relationship? It's always a tricky question. Of course, the pressure is always here. In my case, most of my friends are getting hitched and, for that matter, baby showers on social media. I don't feel left out. Long-term relationship was never for me, in the first place. There is always the issue of giving my committed time which has now become a luxury of sort in my frame of mind and the fear of losing the sacred space looms large.

I struggled for a long time to find my mark career wise and it is only now that things are taking shape but somehow I am stuck in two minds. Do I have the time to invest in a relationship? There are so many things to do and being a very moody person, I am not very sure to focus entirely on that one relationship that brings joy or immense happiness to the soul. I am not very sure of how happy I can be in a long-term relationship. Things can be very claustrophobic on this level with expectations and the much needed space since the 'me' time is needed to switch off from almost everything every now and then.

The truth is that it's been ages that I have shied away from being in a relationship after the painful break up which took me long to see things in a fresh perspective. Agree! I am dying to be with someone, go on a regular date, kissing, intimacy, sex and sharing a good laugh. A relationship is not just limited to cuddling or things like that but much beyond that. I rue the lack of time and my silly mind that makes me more confused on whether this date will do me good or something else.

The bundle of contradiction that I am makes me wonder whether I will die without dating for the rest of my life. Or, should I just close my eyes and go on a harmless date? Honestly, I really don't know what I want  in a relationship, be with someone for that matter, even in a short-term relationship. It's a dichotomy since being in a string of relationships empower us and equip the soul with strength. Of course, I mean being in one relationship at one time and not on a multi-dating spree. It happens with an over-thinker like me, dwelling too much on those things as I verge on my mid-30s. Trust me, my love or sex life doesn't even has a sprinkle of excitement. There is nothing on that count and things are quite dull.

Yeah, I have decided to date but minus a strain on my life since I don't want things to take a toll on me. In fact, the real issue is that I am not in India which is making me so reluctant to date someone. May be, closing my eye and let the cosmic energy guide me to a unique date situation.

Love
Vishal

Why I have been single for so long?

I don't remember the last time I dated somebody and lost the art of flirting or striking a conversation with a random stranger girl. It's all about net practice, like some of my male friends would tell and urge me to be the wild stallion that I may have been in the past, at a time when people around me are either getting married, being in and out of a slew of casual relationships or flings.

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The school days were spent studying and facing the pressure with the same good ole mantra, 'No good marks, no good job and no decent girl with marry you. You can find a girl once you are done with certificates.' Surviving on a measly pocket money for a middle class boy means the chances of taking a girl out is slim. It left me with only one choice, bank robbery. I turned into a speccy nerd whom girls found boring to date. They'd better choose death which means no action for me, sadly. I whined my time fooling around with my 'luccha' friends and time just flew.

There were too many options of beautiful girls to crush on in college and too many choices means a life time went on to decide whom to date or not. There were too many silly crushes that I contented myself my share and the eyes kept craving for the strawberry faces. College life flickered like dust.

See, I am a one man woman and the girl I liked was either taken and poor me was friend-zoned. I waited in vain for her to break with her boyfriend and when the time came, I already moved on to greener pastures. Same old story repeated here.

When it was the time to date with money in hand, work took its own toll on me and there was hardly any time for that. The days were spent waking up early, getting ready for work and sleeping. I forgot what it was like to go around with someone.

I was still figuring out what I wanted to do with life, career wise. Most of the chicks at work were either taken, made a sister and very few had brains whom you can date. You know, mindless conversations and gossips. The worse thing is my silly brain that raised the relationship standard too high post my last relationship where me and my girl had an intellectual level where our minds more than the heart converged. There was no way that I could lower my dating standards. I am no Deepika who chucked the suave Ranbir for Ranveeer. To complicate things, it's my ethical mind that was at play where office romance is a strictly no-no affair. A decade went by without finding that almost perfect someone and my heart goes on. I felt like the male version of Celine Dion from another era.

Losing faith in human relationships with the amount of break ups and marriages going kaput became part of my routine. To top it all, I became so used to be along and single. Bad habits are hard to break. I became cynical with relationships after my break up where my everything was invested in that single relationship. The time I spent to nurse my wound and heal...Time to move on, baby!

With time, I can only admire a beautiful girl from a looming distance and thinking that she is too young for me or too hot to handle. Better, I go back to college days where occasional dating was drenched in memory. It feels like the train has already left the station and there is no one to blame, except yourself for failing to hop on the bandwagon. You are no longer handsome and she is a fucking princess. Smile and move on.

During the college days, a question haunted me: Why aren't I dating? It's simple. I was in a relationship with the gang who was only interested in making merry, fooling around and busy having fun by smoking, boozing and occasional ganja parties. Friends became my life and everything. There was no place for a chick to enter my life or else vows of friendship would've been violated.

The pressure to get married and all that shit where you tend to hit back at parents who keep bringing a prospective match. As it is, matrimonial sites like shaadi.com are for silly people who can't even find someone on their own. Certainly, I don't want to be that guy who goes on a blind date set by parents where the woman finds me bizarely weird.

Books, blogging and the unsuccessful attempt to write this best selling book about imaginary love and sex became my priority. I wanted to become the next Chetan Bhagat in town raking the moolah. A decade flew and still nothing ever happened. Probably, things will not be happening in the next decade of my otherwise routine and mechanical life. Sex is a luxury.

Where all those women that you keep urging me to date? I must find them in the first place. They are nowhere to be found and all my prospective dates or flings are already in marital bliss or busy tying the knot. It makes you go mad.

I've spent a major part of my life paying that personal loan that I took to travel, laptop and expensive phone on EMI. There is no money to take a chick out and the little sanity I have makes it impossible to ask a random woman out online. How despo it sounds?!

At the end of the day, it's all about the aspirations to move away from home and parents exploring life in various cities of the world and the joy of staying alone in an apartment gives me a mental masturbation. I prefer to grow and see life rather than being stuck in the drudgery of marriage and kids.

There is no intention to share my bed with someone for the rest of life. Like my whisky, I like my bed large where I can spread my stiff body and spend my time reading fantasies or the world romance in books that sell like hot pancakes. No one shall invade that space. I am scared of invaders and terrorists...who knows some hot bimbo may be hired to plant a bomb. Dreamer I am! It leaves me with only one option...getting laid.

So, now you get the drift? Stop asking me such fucked up questions about how I should have found a chick in college to tie the knot or someone to make my life.

Love ya all, fuckers
V

Dating scene and coupling out

Dating and hitting as a couple are two drastically different things. You cannot pretend to be doing both at the same time and it's like a tale of who came first, chick (en) or egg. It's the period of courtship when you don't shout on the roof or tell your friends that you are a couple when in reality you are flirting with each other or indulging into silly banter.

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A couple of coffee dates, whispering sweet nothings, caressing hands, cuddling or stealing a harmless kiss doesn't make you a couple. You should be exploring all avenues in deciding whether it's a short term something or there is possibility to make it work over the long-term.

It's all about the vibes, isn't it? After all, the other person may not be very comfortable in letting your friends know of something which is at an infant stage or spreading stuffs that counts as plain rumor which has the tendency to travel faster than the rocket. Both of you may just be figuring things out. One shouldn't be too pushy on the dating scene and you may just be getting to know each other without putting too much burden on the head. Learn to chill for there are many Dos and Donts in a date that shouldn't be confused as coupling or mating it out in the open.

Have you heard of Kiss and Don't Tell. The initial period of dating is just that and jumping the gun to create a wave of illusion that both of you made some promise as if taking the saat pheras is just not happening. It can also choke your friend who gets the impression of dealing with a freak who is high on SRK character's in Darr which will ultimately reduce your minimal chance of having some possible scene in the future. Don't run to your friends and tell how both of you can't live without each other. Certainly, he or she is not the one when the sparks are just about to happen. Tread cautiously and slow if you want the relationship to bloom.

Today, people need to chill when meeting someone new and the biggest mistake is not letting a possible relationship to grow on its own. As it is, dating someone doesn't mean that you have to be committed for long term or start booking for the five star hotel honeymoon package.

Nowadays, people's vision are blurred on what a harmless date is and pretends that they are in a serious relationship. Reality check needed when someone naturally goes in the Devdas and Devdasi mood pretending to be ditched or heart broken. A chill pill works better than any medication to curb such enthusiasm among your friends and loved ones.

Love ya
Vishal

Dating, marrying......a divorcee

We live in dangerous times. It’s even worse when men are bound by in-built prejudices and one class of people who face their wrath are divorcees. I am not a divorcee and I am not married for that matter. What pains me is how some self-claimed moralists proclaim that you should never marry a divorcee. I mean this is not only revolting but smacks of extremism and prejudice.

I don’t see any problem dating or even marrying a divorcee if we are compatible and fall in love with each other. In today’s time there is no guarantee for marriage and differences crop up among couples. Fine relationship may not have worked out in the first instance but that doesn’t mean that it won’t work out you manage to find your soul mate who understand you.

Now the question is should you take a plunge: My take is why not and make sure to make your partner understand your priorities. If you have kids, will he or she be interested to take care of them and understand that the kids form part of your life. The partner must also speak to his or her parents and make them understand that he loves you and it is him and him only who has to stay with you and not them. If they are not willing to accept the matter and if he really loves you then you guys should move on in a new apartment.

Problem may arise if the partner has had a bad marriage experience may have doubts in his or her heads. Insecurity is often natural in a relationship. When the guy or girl gets late at work, the other partner may have doubts in his or head. If the jealousy pang continues it may lead to friction in the relationship. The best thing is that you guys need to sit and talk of the possible worst scenario that may arise in a relationship. You can play a game where both of you can act in an imaginary conflict and do the exercise often. This will help you guys to better face the crisis that may arise in the relationship. It would be better to do the act before marriage.

If it comes to plain dating, remember that it’s your life and there is nothing wrong to date a divorced woman. Make your friends understand that just like you guys are looking out for harmless date so is your lady love. We are all human beings and there is nothing wrong in dating someone who had faced a bad and turbulent relationship. While dating a divorcee though we should be a bit cautious and make sure that we don’t make some jokes that may hurt your women.

However, the bottom line is just be yourself and be adventurous with your woman. She shouldn’t be made to feel that because she is divorcee you are restraining yourself. Rather make her feel as if she’s in her 18s. In fact make some silly, immature jokes and during the sex act, play naughty and tease her. As a lover, you must make her feel so sexually desirable so that she will feel that the past is behind her. However, never badmouth her ex coz no matter how much she may hate her ex she may feel that the joke is being directed at her choice of partner. Never ever do that and it’s an absolute no-no coz a relationship with someone who has been past a break-up is quite delicate.

 Marrying or dating a divorcee is indeed a tough proposition in the same way as marrying someone from a different community.There is the unfair labeling like second hair merchandise which is not only revolting but shocking. There are some people who are still to come to terms with their 70s mindset. But, whenever such problems arise you should either placate them or gently put them off by telling them to mind their own business. As it is you don't owe anything to such kind of people, albeit society and its your life. They don't pay for your credit cards or fund your travel or rent expenses.It takes a while to adjust and the partner should be given her time in the new set up. How about staying in a new place for two to three years? It's good for a change. Where newly married couples can stay in complete freedom far way from the glance of acquaintances, relatives and friends. For such a marriage to succeed, we need space from the moral preachers.

Even if you have fallen in love, are you taking a plunge or dating on an utilitarian basis? One shouldn't go for it because you feel something is missing in your life or you need a partner to look after you. We are living in an equal society where both men and women are equal partners in decision-making process.A partner should not be treated as a a furniture in the house nor as a servant who will cook food, clean the house or arrange your bed or for that matter a 'legitimate fuck'. Every person has his or her own identity and the most important thing is that both spouses should let their individuality flourish. Any relationship based on the utilitarian character is a recipe for failure.

Every relationship is based on trust and dating or staying with a divorcee is a delicate issue. If you have decided to go it, then tread with care and make sure that the building blocks of the relationship is strong so that it last for a long time. The secret: Communication, Trust and Love. What is important is to nurture positive throughts and rejects any kind of societal;s influence be it parents or those moralists who seems to know everything and feel that they have the monopolistic right to decide for others.

Celebration time, dating and TMK

Hey beautiful People,holla..Cheerz to all gorgeous babes and the dudes of the world. I know you guys kinda buzzy preparing for X-mas and New Year. Which is d most happening party in town and where to attend. Well,anticipation for the upcoming year and a small appraisal on the year which is in the process of passing away. What clicked and what didn't. Your mantra, my mantra and sab ka mantra.
Whooa!Just watched the promo of Tees Maar Khan with Akshay Kumar and Shenaz Treasurywala where Akki speaks on TMK, Katrina and the biggest con of the year. Hold your breath. 4 more days to go and me can't wait to watch TMK and already gung-ho on TMK title song and Sheela Ki Jawaani. As I look on the year that was, I've been single and at one point, feel very happy to have my space, doing things on our own. The best part of being singleton.Here its is, no worry of expectations in a relationship and you do things on your own. But, at the same time, I also suffer from a crisis. Yes! I admit that am confused. If the real me is happy being single, on the other hand, I long for someone in my life. It's been two years since we called it quits. But, now it's time to hold someone hands at the coffee shop,kissing and cuddling and other perks that come with dating and relationship. Speaking in relationship, I believe that when you are young , you don't enter a relationship that thinking that it's for ever. The forever thing doesn't work as such. It might in some cases but most of the time, nature of relationship changes. We all know that a relationship is not expected to last forever. It's all about experimenting,baby and moving on with life. We all need someone at some point in life, a shoulder to lean and being together in this journey called Life. All my relationship has been a learning experience and I do not regret anything.
True, I was hurt by some relationship due to too much expectation or because things didn't turned the way it should. But, that ain't sopping me from getting in a new relationship with someone. We must never say NO to relationship who can take us to places and elevate us towards self-growth. That's why I say now to the teenage dudes and babes that you should never say NO. Post break up, it's quite normal to feel down. But, baby life goes on and there is always someone whom you can date for fun. At this age, we don't wanna be serious in a relationship.
NOW, before those so-moral policing try to blast me, I go on and spread love and cheers.Babes N Dudes enjoy d party and have fun. Those who are singles I wish they will no longer be in 2011.
Love N Live life fully
Vishal