J for Jealousy

This post J for Jealousy is written on Day 10 as part of http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/ for Blogging from A to Z April Challenge (2015).

Things are getting out of control in my life and I am getting suffocated in this relationship with Ankita who has been bugging me for days. As we step inside college canteen, a classmate say a cheerful hi before leaving her mobile number. "Hey! Gotta run to class. You've become a rare specie. Gimme a call sometimes, soon," she waves good bye.

We settle at one of the unoccupied table and orders two cups of tea. Ankita looks at me, "So, who is that girl? Planning to call her..huh!"

"Babe", I protest. "She is an old class mate and we've been together since 12th."

"Oh! I see, so Mr Congeniality needs to catch up with the hot bitch. Dude, you are such a prick," she fumes.

I am getting irritated at her paranoid behavior of constantly checking my phone, flitting pages of my diary. I prefer not to react to her.

She tries to pacify me, "Say something, na."

"What there to say?" I am pissed at her weird behavior. I hate it when there is a trust gap in a  relationship. 

After few days, I hear from class mates that she's been asking questions about my whereabouts, whom do I go to meet after lecture and why I head to the cafe every now and then.

During the night, she calls me and start fighting with me. "I've been trying to call you several times and it seems that you are having lovey-dovey conversation with your old classmate."

I shout on the phone, "Listen! If you cannot trust me, there is little I can do and better call it quits."

She changes the tone and pretend to joke, "Hey! Chill. You got so angry. I was just kidding."

I ignore her frantic phone calls and messages. After days, I call her, "You know why I was ignoring your calls. I've heard you having an affair with this handsome neighbor of yours.

She starts crying on the phone, "How could you even think like that when the person I care the most is you? That's sad and so cheap."

I start laughing. "Exactly, Madam. You have to understand that trust matters in a relationship. It serves no purpose in doubting each other. It was my way to make you realize that both of us have a life beyond being together and romance. We have a right to have our own set of friends and that doesn't mean we are cheating each other. Space matters."

She was at a loss of words and was speechless. "Sorry baby, I got a bit jealous."

Dating, marrying......a divorcee

We live in dangerous times. It’s even worse when men are bound by in-built prejudices and one class of people who face their wrath are divorcees. I am not a divorcee and I am not married for that matter. What pains me is how some self-claimed moralists proclaim that you should never marry a divorcee. I mean this is not only revolting but smacks of extremism and prejudice.

I don’t see any problem dating or even marrying a divorcee if we are compatible and fall in love with each other. In today’s time there is no guarantee for marriage and differences crop up among couples. Fine relationship may not have worked out in the first instance but that doesn’t mean that it won’t work out you manage to find your soul mate who understand you.

Now the question is should you take a plunge: My take is why not and make sure to make your partner understand your priorities. If you have kids, will he or she be interested to take care of them and understand that the kids form part of your life. The partner must also speak to his or her parents and make them understand that he loves you and it is him and him only who has to stay with you and not them. If they are not willing to accept the matter and if he really loves you then you guys should move on in a new apartment.

Problem may arise if the partner has had a bad marriage experience may have doubts in his or her heads. Insecurity is often natural in a relationship. When the guy or girl gets late at work, the other partner may have doubts in his or head. If the jealousy pang continues it may lead to friction in the relationship. The best thing is that you guys need to sit and talk of the possible worst scenario that may arise in a relationship. You can play a game where both of you can act in an imaginary conflict and do the exercise often. This will help you guys to better face the crisis that may arise in the relationship. It would be better to do the act before marriage.

If it comes to plain dating, remember that it’s your life and there is nothing wrong to date a divorced woman. Make your friends understand that just like you guys are looking out for harmless date so is your lady love. We are all human beings and there is nothing wrong in dating someone who had faced a bad and turbulent relationship. While dating a divorcee though we should be a bit cautious and make sure that we don’t make some jokes that may hurt your women.

However, the bottom line is just be yourself and be adventurous with your woman. She shouldn’t be made to feel that because she is divorcee you are restraining yourself. Rather make her feel as if she’s in her 18s. In fact make some silly, immature jokes and during the sex act, play naughty and tease her. As a lover, you must make her feel so sexually desirable so that she will feel that the past is behind her. However, never badmouth her ex coz no matter how much she may hate her ex she may feel that the joke is being directed at her choice of partner. Never ever do that and it’s an absolute no-no coz a relationship with someone who has been past a break-up is quite delicate.

 Marrying or dating a divorcee is indeed a tough proposition in the same way as marrying someone from a different community.There is the unfair labeling like second hair merchandise which is not only revolting but shocking. There are some people who are still to come to terms with their 70s mindset. But, whenever such problems arise you should either placate them or gently put them off by telling them to mind their own business. As it is you don't owe anything to such kind of people, albeit society and its your life. They don't pay for your credit cards or fund your travel or rent expenses.It takes a while to adjust and the partner should be given her time in the new set up. How about staying in a new place for two to three years? It's good for a change. Where newly married couples can stay in complete freedom far way from the glance of acquaintances, relatives and friends. For such a marriage to succeed, we need space from the moral preachers.

Even if you have fallen in love, are you taking a plunge or dating on an utilitarian basis? One shouldn't go for it because you feel something is missing in your life or you need a partner to look after you. We are living in an equal society where both men and women are equal partners in decision-making process.A partner should not be treated as a a furniture in the house nor as a servant who will cook food, clean the house or arrange your bed or for that matter a 'legitimate fuck'. Every person has his or her own identity and the most important thing is that both spouses should let their individuality flourish. Any relationship based on the utilitarian character is a recipe for failure.

Every relationship is based on trust and dating or staying with a divorcee is a delicate issue. If you have decided to go it, then tread with care and make sure that the building blocks of the relationship is strong so that it last for a long time. The secret: Communication, Trust and Love. What is important is to nurture positive throughts and rejects any kind of societal;s influence be it parents or those moralists who seems to know everything and feel that they have the monopolistic right to decide for others.