Relationship, space and contradiction

Relationships are temporary and grow fickle in today's times. The rush to jump on the bandwagon of S for Shaadi is passe and taking the plunge to validate this ideology, 'You need a shoulder to lean on' is like living in the times of our ancestors. Dada-ji ke zamaane type doesn't find an echo with today's youth who have already fleshed out their priorities and there is no dearth of it, career comes first for some, love or family matters follows for the rest and globe trotting the universe for the adventurous lot.  One cannot afford to lose on several counts and the need to make things work out from a professional perspective to make money, get experience and shine  takes priority above the need to settle. As far as relationships are concerned, tinder is looming right in front of the window and there is no rubber stamp on sex. In today's times, being casual works perfectly fine for this generation and there is no need to take load.

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Relationships can wait and one can tie the knot at the later stage of 35 or 40 that is considered to be the new 18. The hitch is that no matter how much we want to get into a relationship with someone or a fling of sort, time comes in the way like a bitch. We become so busy and there is always the fear of not being able to connect the dots. Is there a twinge of regret for not making the most to be in a relationship? It's always a tricky question. Of course, the pressure is always here. In my case, most of my friends are getting hitched and, for that matter, baby showers on social media. I don't feel left out. Long-term relationship was never for me, in the first place. There is always the issue of giving my committed time which has now become a luxury of sort in my frame of mind and the fear of losing the sacred space looms large.

I struggled for a long time to find my mark career wise and it is only now that things are taking shape but somehow I am stuck in two minds. Do I have the time to invest in a relationship? There are so many things to do and being a very moody person, I am not very sure to focus entirely on that one relationship that brings joy or immense happiness to the soul. I am not very sure of how happy I can be in a long-term relationship. Things can be very claustrophobic on this level with expectations and the much needed space since the 'me' time is needed to switch off from almost everything every now and then.

The truth is that it's been ages that I have shied away from being in a relationship after the painful break up which took me long to see things in a fresh perspective. Agree! I am dying to be with someone, go on a regular date, kissing, intimacy, sex and sharing a good laugh. A relationship is not just limited to cuddling or things like that but much beyond that. I rue the lack of time and my silly mind that makes me more confused on whether this date will do me good or something else.

The bundle of contradiction that I am makes me wonder whether I will die without dating for the rest of my life. Or, should I just close my eyes and go on a harmless date? Honestly, I really don't know what I want  in a relationship, be with someone for that matter, even in a short-term relationship. It's a dichotomy since being in a string of relationships empower us and equip the soul with strength. Of course, I mean being in one relationship at one time and not on a multi-dating spree. It happens with an over-thinker like me, dwelling too much on those things as I verge on my mid-30s. Trust me, my love or sex life doesn't even has a sprinkle of excitement. There is nothing on that count and things are quite dull.

Yeah, I have decided to date but minus a strain on my life since I don't want things to take a toll on me. In fact, the real issue is that I am not in India which is making me so reluctant to date someone. May be, closing my eye and let the cosmic energy guide me to a unique date situation.

Love
Vishal