We are a nation that has re-discovered itself and giving a new definition to Alice in Wonderland cum the Great Discovery of Amreeka like Christopher Columbus. The new age Columbus has found a precious stone, a gem, called BAN which they are taking seriously. The stone is polished and turned into law. First, there was bandh and now there is ban.
Our learned men and women, in their wisdom will soon decide to hit the cudgel minus the stone to ban everything in life. After all, it's becoming a national past time to protect the Great Indian Culture since we are so sanskari. They will ban the word Fuck because no should enjoy a goddamn fuck. Ban the fuck itself and stop enjoying orgasm, pleasure and procreating. Ban life itself. Let's polish this precious gem to go back to stone age. Life was much simpler, isn't it?!
Did I say eating beef gives me sensual and orgasmic pleasure? After all, I am banned for eating beef?! Why just beef? Pork, buffalo, cattle. Let's ban meat products. Yet, we won't ban assaults on innocent people, minorities, illegal conversions, ransacking newsrooms and cabbies. Ban your words when you insult Mother Theresa and the rubbish spawned on us.
Movies, books, stand up comedy, people!! Ahem Ahem, the list is tiring to our minds and thoughts. Ban the film on Nirbhaya, did I hear it correctly? I do have issues with the film being made on account of glamorizing a rapist or making him heroic for that matter, one question that plague me like my laptop virus going on a destruction spree is that whether I am considered adult enough to choose what is right or wrong for me to watch. Welcome to the new age Talibanism the Hindutva way?! Dumb fucks, let people decide and formulate their opinions on the film.
Samaaj ke thekedar or the monopoly of thoughts are the ones deciding to jerk off to someone or something. After all, what right have we to decide? See. we are vegetative beings who lack the mental and moral faculty to decide what to do with our lives. Of course, film, food, books should be banned. It's against Hindu or Indian culture. It will wreck havoc on our lives. Choosing to eat beef at our risk and we get 10 years in jail. Ban jail!! No,never Ever. Ban religion. Who am I kidding? I should be sent to asylum for losing my mental faculty.
I shall take Sanyasi and take a dip at the Ghat at Varanasi, meditating on the bans I am subjected to. The word 'Ban' will be enshrined in beads to count every single element on what went wrong in my life. O! Mother Ganga! I shall sit and admire the soulful and gentle flow of water to knock some sense in my mind, atone for my sins of eating beef and violating the sanctity of religion. See, beef is immoral and the animals should revere,pleading for forgiveness for coming into this world to pollute our great culture.
Long Live the ban. Jai Hind! Jai Maharashtra! Ban Bandh Na Raha! Beef Beef Na Raha! Freedom of expression and artistic expression Na Raha! Hail the custodians and guardians of morality. Stop making films and having sex for its banned. Don't you know! It's breaking news.
Ban Bandh! I say!