Ban Bandh Na Raha

We are a nation that has re-discovered itself and giving a new definition to Alice in Wonderland cum the Great Discovery of Amreeka like Christopher Columbus. The new age Columbus has found a precious stone, a gem, called BAN which they are taking seriously. The stone is polished and turned into law. First, there was bandh and now there is ban.

Our learned men and women, in their wisdom will soon decide to hit the cudgel minus the stone to ban everything in life. After all, it's becoming a national past time to protect the Great Indian Culture since we are so sanskari. They will ban the word Fuck because no should enjoy a goddamn fuck. Ban the fuck itself and stop enjoying orgasm, pleasure and procreating. Ban life itself. Let's polish this precious gem to go back to stone age. Life was much simpler, isn't it?!

Did I say eating beef gives me sensual and orgasmic pleasure? After all, I am banned for eating beef?! Why just beef? Pork, buffalo, cattle. Let's ban meat products. Yet, we won't ban assaults on innocent people, minorities, illegal conversions, ransacking newsrooms and cabbies. Ban your words when you insult Mother Theresa and the rubbish spawned on us.

Movies, books, stand up comedy, people!! Ahem Ahem, the list is tiring to our minds and thoughts. Ban the film on Nirbhaya, did I hear it correctly? I do have issues with the film being made on account of glamorizing a rapist or making him heroic for that matter, one question that plague me like my laptop virus going on a destruction spree is that whether I am considered adult enough to choose what is right or wrong for me to watch. Welcome to the new age Talibanism the Hindutva way?! Dumb fucks, let people decide and formulate their opinions on the film.

Samaaj ke thekedar or the monopoly of thoughts are the ones deciding to jerk off to someone or something. After all, what right have we to decide? See. we are vegetative beings who lack the mental and moral faculty to decide what to do with our lives. Of course, film, food, books should be banned. It's against Hindu or Indian culture. It will wreck havoc on our lives. Choosing to eat beef at our risk and we get 10 years in jail. Ban jail!! No,never Ever. Ban religion. Who am I kidding? I should be sent to asylum for losing my mental faculty. 

I shall take Sanyasi and take a dip at the Ghat at Varanasi, meditating on the bans I am subjected to. The word 'Ban' will be enshrined in beads to count every single element on what went wrong in my life. O! Mother Ganga! I shall sit and admire the soulful and gentle flow of water to knock some sense in my mind, atone for my sins of eating beef and violating the sanctity of religion. See, beef is immoral and the animals should revere,pleading for forgiveness for coming into this world to pollute our great culture.

Long Live the ban. Jai Hind! Jai Maharashtra! Ban Bandh Na Raha! Beef Beef Na Raha! Freedom of expression and artistic expression Na Raha! Hail the custodians and guardians of morality. Stop making films and having sex for its banned. Don't you know! It's breaking news.

Ban Bandh! I say!

Vishal

Things to do before I die-part 1

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

It happened during the monsoon in the last season. I was stuck at Borivali, the flood reaching the upper part of my body and I was reckoned to pray to God to save my life. Then, I felt a thunder and a tall, potent figure appeared from nowhere. I was scared like shit. I mumble to the figure, "Who are you? Will you take me home?"
He replied in a coarse voice,"It's too early son. Don't worry, you are not going to die. I am God. But, let me ask you something. If I tell you that you have only one week left what will you do?"
God made me realise that life can be taken at any time. The heavy rains might carry me, I may perish in the train blasts and meet with an accident. I realized that with one week to go, there are several things which I actually wished for but din't do.
I will quit my job and travel in a faraway place and stay far from the maddening crowd. I shall write a book. I shall also travel to different parts of the place. My list is actually long. Venice, Egypt, Kashmir, Rio carnival in Brazil, Paris, New York and click amazing photographs, picture the snow and print a travel book. I will learn photography and put it in book form.
Then, I shall pen a script and make a movie.Yeah, with my childhood hero, Amitabh Bachchan. It got to be an all out commercial movie and pay tribute to the acting legend. I will also enact a small role in the movie and fulfill my desire of becoming an actor.I will also walk the ramp and become the show stopper of the show. I will create an album. Since, I am a bathroom singer, I think this will do and fulfill my dreams. Since, I am already a film critic, I shall not tread on the achievable path..
I will tell my Mom how much I love her and despite our stupid fights, I will wish that I was born to her every time and be grateful what she and Dad has done for me. No matter how much I tried I was not able to tell her how much I love her. I was never able to tell Dad how much I love him. I did thank him but on his death bed. Then, I shall meet, phone or email all my crushes and ex-es whom I couldn't muster the courage to express my feelings for them. I will also genuinely tell them how beautiful they are as women and how I consider them to be an important part of my life. Then, I will go on a long journey. It can be in any part of the world and will seek true love and contentment.
I will also learn swimming something that I've never learned for fear of the water paralysis so that I can live my remaining days and die without fear.I will teach kids from the slum and fund the education of a girl child till she reaches 18. This has been one of my most important wish list and for some reason or another, I was never able to fulfill it. I will also watched my favorite team, Manchester United play at Old Trafford and watch India, of course play at Lords. Perhaps, I could blow my money and buy myself an apartment sea face at Bandra in one of the most expensive cities, Mumbai.
Me think the list is becoming more and more materialistic. Ok, I shall go on a long journey of life, soul searching and in quest of my identity. Who am I? I shall seek the answers and visit soulful places and meet enlightened beings, irrespective of religious faith. Till I don't find my answers on my state of being, I will be restless and continue my journey as a pilgrim. Is hall be alone on a desert in a far flung place and will embark on a quest to meet angels. I believe in angels and that they exist to protect us against all forms of unforeseen events.
Off with that, I will fly on a parachute and feel death, hanging on the balloon near the sky and the open air. I will also swim in the Artic Ocean. Once I am done, I shall leave a free life, released from the shackles of morality, religion and society. I will go on the peak of mountains and hills and yell down. When I get down from the parachute, I will yell and dance in front of people, I have done it. Have you? I am living my life. Come and join the crazy party. Let's go on moon. Hopefully, I will find my love partner and take her with me on the desert and on the spiritual quest. We shall make love and have beautiful sex zillion times. We shall see the world together. We shall visit the Himalayan, go to Tibet, visit Rishikesh, carry Ganpati on my shoulders for immersion.
My wish list is long and a single post is not and will not be sufficient. Things to do before I die. The more I think, more crazy ideas crops up. After I achieve some of my wishes before I die, you shall meet me on the terrace at Juhu sea face or the morgue at Lillavati hospital. I will die in style and will book a suite.At least, I will fulfill some of my wishes and not all. There are too much to be fulfill and regrets there shall be for not be able to achieve all. Perhaps in the after life.
Watch out for part 2. Let me think what is there all to fulfill and work it out.
Cheers