Being Personal and living in the moment

It's the last day in April. It's been drizzling and the temperature has cooled down which confines me to sit at home, reading stuff and attempting a personal post on this space. The love story with books continue unabated and I just got myself Ritu Lalit's His Father's Mistress and JK Rowling's third outing, 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. I am back with Potter series after a couple of years and love revisiting HP that meant so much to my generation.

I didn't take part in the April A to Z challenge after three consecutive outings and it's time to pull the plugs. I had my fair share and it becomes increasingly difficult to write for every single day of my life. I am happy that I don't feel the pressure which can drain the energy. One should write when the heart is in and not force oneself. These days, meditation and yoga are very helpful to curb the depression. I can say that things are improving when I look back to the past three years where I didn't have control over my life and the mind embroiled into unwanted thoughts. I am learning to be more aware in the Power of Now that helps one to live in the moment.

It brings me to the thought that I've been mulling over for several years, shifting back to India. The only hitch is the expensive house rent in cities like Mumbai and Pune which is holding me back. It got me thinking how time is flying and not making the most of life signifies that one is losing especially when the clock doesn't stop to suit one's own fancy or plans. Sometimes, I get tired of this self-reasoning or others reminding me that things will happen on its own. No. It doesn't. One must push things and the self to the edge. As I read about the life of thespian actor Vinod Khanna who passed away last week, his colleague and friend Kabir Bedi told how he left glamor and successful stint to embrace spirituality in US. The time he decided to come back to India, he had no money and survived in a humble room. Isn't it inspiring? God bless his soul. A true legend that lives forever in our hearts like his iconic screen name Amar from Amar Akbar Anthony.

In life, we should be ready to pursue happiness and make adjustment to survive on the bare minimal to adapt to our circumstances. That how we thrive and succeed.  When I read about such things, I am like, why not get back to India since for me it equates happiness. I need to wire my brain on accepting to compromise on luxury, struggle and expect the unexpected. It can be a long time being away for 8 years and time to weigh my options, either Mumbai or Pune. The hitch in Mumbai is the expensive lifestyle but Pune wouldn't be a bad deal to start all over again. As it is, Pune will always be home to me. I am in my mid-30s and feel that time is running. I need to catch the ball, swing and throw it on life.

There are so many things running in my head which are no less than the stormy river. The good news is that this week I have been able to work on my novel and wrote thrice a week which is a positive sign. I have already chucked out half draft to restart all over again since the book has dragged for more than three years. Guess, it's better to start again with the love story set in Mumbai that I am striving to pen. The perk of being a stay-at-home with a decent earning every month helps me to work on the book and come May, I shall flesh the stuffs with specific days to write the novel, reading, and the blog. As it is, it's one of my pet peeves to do so many things in a day which can be so counter-productive where one end up not doing anything worthwhile.

Going into self-analysis mode has been one of my biggest weakness that robs me of my sleep. This week I haven't been doing so well where I ended up staying awake and tossing on the bed throughout the night. There were frustrating moments where some people made some unwanted comments and I so wanted to put them in the place where they belong. Over-thinking doesn't work for my sanity and the frustration gnaws my sense of being. It compelled me to take some sleeping pills and last night, it did wonder to me when I slept till noon. Whatta perfect way to spend the Sunday! The only hitch is that I missed watching Bahubali-The Conclusion.

Till then, see you soon and have a happy Sunday. I am gearing up for this extended holiday as Maharashtra Day being celebrated tomorrow and the country I am based, it's also May Day. Happy Maharashtra Day.


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