That's how loved ones and admirers call out to each other right! It's been a decade now and time for me to pull the curtain to declare of my being your secret admirer, babe. You must be the hottest chick around that I may have seen or met. Actually, the word 'babe' is a wrong way to call you. We know each other, right. But, you know those stupid rituals that prevented me from asking you out. Hold on! It might be stupid for you but sacred for me.
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After all, you were dating my buddy and in fact, you guys broke up. But, you know how it is between friends. We draw a morally right circle that we promise not to transgress. Friendship has always been sacred to me where we don't dare to cross the lines. But, you see I am human. You were too hot to handle in college. I cannot be blamed for being attracted to your appealing features. After all, human beings have desires. No! It doesn't make me a traitor friend or sinner.
Once you asked me why I was silent and perhaps, deep inside you knew the reason or you didn't for that matter. Anyway, that's not important. What matters is the 'dangerous attraction' I nurtured for you and the envy to hold your hand, caressing your features and stealing a light kiss. I shall not go deeper into that. It's an unsent letter that you will never see. We are in touch on some social media channel. You are already married to someone else and not to my buddy. So, I guess that things hardly matters now.
But, this letter in all its forms has to be sent somewhere in this world and I gotta vent out for mental peace. Actually, venting out is so overrated as an epithet to describe the state of mind. Honestly, how I wish one day we could sit over coffee and me declaring the flame for you, going back in time, Pehle baar we dekho each other and how it sent the adrenaline rushing or getting drawn to your physicality or calm demeanor. I loved your long and jet black hair. Your gaze and the way you react to things, walking with the unique charm as if you are a bride getting ready for the saat phera. It wasn't love at first sight. But it was an attraction, a plain crush and the desire to make love to you. An adventure that I wanted to be part of the growing up and fond memories during those carefree days. How I loved your soft and silky creamy in those days?
Suppressing the matters of the heart is the biggest lie we men love to tell ourselves where we often forget how human we are. Though not many would believe it, a man is human and born with feminine appeal that cares for the world and that special person for whom he can go soft on, fighting the world and singing, 'My Heart will Go On.' This is another facet of love. You were the object of manly desires in college. You were a bombshell. You are still one. It was not just about being sexually desirable but it goes beyond that. There were an emotional bonding and connection that we could have done with. I could have called you Saakhi, a companion which is free from the bondage of attachment where the light would have traversed between our souls. There are so many things that we could have been or done together! I don't mean worshipping our beauty and being content with only holding hands together as the flowers bloom together.
I choose to write this letter after more than a decade, when most of us have moved on different directions in life. I feel that the line between friendship and falling for someone is quite blurred. There are different ways of looking at things from a relationship perspective. Would I fall for a friend's muse? It gets complicated. On one hand, there is something called friend's loyalty and on the other lies emotions that make us human beings. It's a major flaw, in fact. Should we cease to be humans? By that, I don't mean Salman Khan's tee.
I don't know whether I would like things to stay inside me. Perhaps, you should know better or had an inkling of things. Does it serve any purpose? It makes me wonder. Yes, at the end of the day. I may still choose friendship over dating you. Babe! You rock and you know that.
We shall get closure about the whole thing the day I decide to bare my heart open. After all, we belong to the young generation who hate to make things complicated and both of us shall still laugh over things.