Love calculation (1)

There is no calculus theorem of love..oh!Dear and respected mathematicians of the world..how come you've skipped the word called 'Love' while designing the greatest theory. What is love? Why does it happen? When it happens, why don't we measure its pros and cons?
Before falling in love with someone,there are certain things that we need to calculate. Like, do I have any future in this relationship? What if it doesn't work? Can I afford to inflict self-harm to myself? The wound from my relationship has not been completely healed. So, why should I get into the lovey-dovey romantic relationship? Am I being fair to myself and to the other person?
There is no denying the fact that in the start love looks so beautiful and is the most amazing feeling in the world. You have the impression that you are the happiest person in the world and life looks perfect. It can't get better than that. The person is the most amazing person in the world and he or she cannot be wrong. You get into those mushy thingies, red rose, wine, candle light dinner, roaming into the deserted streets, holding hands over your cuppa coffee and in the theater, stealing a kiss in the monsoon. Your sex life is also the most awesome thing. Then, bingo!

As soon as you get to know the person, you actually get into the thinking the mode: Is she or he the same person I knew in the start? Am I in a proper relationship? Will it do good for me? Why am I still in the relationship with her? There are so many what ifs raging in your mind. Then, after some time, the fights and your brain altogether stop functioning..As they say, love is the malfunction of the brain. Like Meghna told me last time, sometimes people don't use their brains when they fall in love and end up doing sensical things and don't realize how stupid they look. She was speaking in a particular context and looks like she was directed her ire at guy. Well babe! Both the dudes and gals get into those things, though women are much more smarter, intelligent and sometimes, practical than their male counterparts.
There are some standards that we set before meeting somebody and most of the time when you meet that person, she never meets such criterias. Will she be sweet and compassionate? Is she someone with whom I can have a meaningful conversation and believe in principles? She is not one of the scheming and manipulative lot..sense of humor, enjoying every moment of life is lacking in her and often you are in for a big disappointment. Often, we set standards for our next relationship...will she be hot and good at making out? caring, sensitive and understanding..and when you meet, you feel that they are a total reject?
Then, you meet somebody who shares the same ideas...i mean or less..we all have qualities and weakness..you get into thinking..am I reading to take the plunge and get into this serious relationship? Serious thoughts crop into your mind and what if?! True, you are no longer a college student that you will be able to face the break up or shit like that..you have a life, remember and what if the person doesn't give your space in the relationship. C'mon, we may decide to live together and it's actually a big effort on the part of both of us to share our bedroom or room for that matter since it is a very private space in our life. Once it happens, there are certain adjustment that need to be made. Back to the love calculation-kinda-theorem, I have my own life and expect her to have a life of my own. I always believe that in a relationship, there should be a charter-I live my life and you live yours and you free to meet both your male and female friends--my pals and buddies. If I am meeting a long female buddy for a drink that doesn't mean that I am having an affair. There is something called Trust in a relationship. You meet your male friends and I don''t have any fucking problem with that coz if I am meeting the babes for a drink, then I don't have a right to stop you. Then, you shouldn't behave like an obsessive lover and starts calling me every now and then when I am working in the office, at the university or happily boozing with friends.
However, it's also true when love doesn't come all planned and you wake up in the morning, deciding to fall in love with someone. I know it just happens. And, when it happens what do you do, go for it?! Remember, I have my love calculus and measuring all my options. As I said, I wouldn't like to hurt myself and in that sense, I would prefer an open relationship with her coz I wouldn't like to eat too much of time and getting into the relationship hassles.
The reason is very simple: The last time I took a hell longish time to get out of my breakup and wouldn't like to fuck up things. As they say lessons learned. But! There is always a but! Love is like gravity and it just happens like Shit happens in life. What do we do then? Does our love calculus goes for a toss? Falling in love cannot be prevented. Should we chase it coz a second chance doesn't really comes..though I don't subscribe to this view....
Remember, I have my love calculus.....
To be continued...................


In the times of Love

Vicky hardly attended college. He was doing his internship with an advertising company at Shivaji Nagar in Pune, Mediarocks. But, he would hang out almost every day outside college to fool around  with friends, boozing and admiring the cool N hot chicks. The only time he was present in college was during the college festival, Xtravaganza. After all, it was the time when many love stories started.
Radhika was Vicky's senior in college and was the object of desire of all the guys. Whenever she walks in the campus and touching her curly hair with her delicate fingers, she would send the guys in a frenzy state of mind. After all, she was super hot and naturally, the topic of conversation.
Radhika and Vicky were oblivious of each other's presence till Xtravaganza happened in August. Three days of college festival and like many, Vicky enrolled in Radhika's team in the logistics department. On the first day of the college fest,Vicky was standing in a blue kurta in the college campus and hiding away from the glares of everyone and was smoking. A sensual feminine voice patted him on the back and offers a handshake:
Hi, I'm Radhika. Logistics team, right?
Vicky was strucked  by her beauty and was wondering whether she is the same Radhika every guy was speaking and dreaming about. He stammered.
Hi, V-i-c-k-y..I mean I am vicky.
Radhika sports a mocking smile.
Yes, Vicky I got your name. You are in my team. By the way, smoking is strictly not allowed in college campus and certainly not during the college fest. It will give a bad image to Fergie college. C'mon dude, we are the best college in Pune. Btw, I also smoke and after all the preparations ,let's have a smoke outside.
Vicky nodded and throws the fag away.
Radhika pats him on the shoulder:
Fuck dude. Follow me. All volunteers are decorating the amphi theatre and we have a very important event in one fucking hour. Let's go jaldi.
Vicky runs after Radhika towards the amphi theatre. There are hordes of volunteers, boys and girls and Vicky is helping Radhika with the decoration, sticking the wall papers, muslin papers, banners and balloons.
During the interval at Indian classical dance show, Radhika asks Vicky
Hey, I never see you in college. You don't attend classes kya?
Vicky smiles and says, I am always in college hanging out with friends and I've heard bout you soo many times.
She smiles, Oh! Yeah! Really How come Mr Vicky? Btw, please reply to my question. Why don't you attend classes?
Well, it's just that I am doing my intern with Mediarocks and towards December you shall see me more often, he quips.
Radhika holds his hand, Please let's go out for a smoke and a cutting chai. They walk together outside the college campus and crosses the busy streets towards the chai ki tapdi.
Radhika asks the tea vendor, daun cutting bhau aur cigarettse, classic mild.
She asks Vicky, you like classic mild, na?
He replies that it's his favourite brand. They sit together on the bench. Radhika shares a thing or two on the weather, Nice weather na and I love dis weather. It's hot but still the gentle damp in the temperature makes the chai so good.
Vicky smiles, A perfect weather to kiss and some romance.
Fuck you, Vicky. She slaps him on his arms, Oh! Guys! They think of only one thing....Now, will you tell me why I am the object of your friends' conversation.
He is amused. Well, obviously girls are not mooning over you. Simple: Coz you are the hottest in college. She smiles sheepishly.
It is the last day of extravaganza and the students of Fergie poses for a group photo.
Radhika quizzed him, So, Mr Vicky? It's great how become friends in just three days. Hope to see more of you, my invisible college junior.
He replies, Babe, my internship will get over soon. They hug each other tightly.
Vicky, are you coming tomorrow for the party?, she asks.
He nodded, Radhe..how can I miss it?
As she ignite the keys of her bike, see then tomorrow at 9 p.m.
The gang of Xtravaganza joins on Saturday at Fire N Ice disco in Camp, MG road. Many love stories started during Xtravagaanza and couples could be seen dancing and sitting in a corner, cozying to each other.
Hi, been searching for you dude, Radhika says as she checks her mobile. Oh! You messaged and I've been searching for you everywhere.
He takes her by her arms, let's go for some vodka shots.
They gulped three vodka shots. Radhika suggested that they hit the dance floor, C'mon Vicky, let's dance. Kajra re is coming.
They dances as their bodies motion towards each other. They lips approaches and Vicky plants a kiss on her lip. She would not let him get away from him as she presses her lips against his. Their tongues swirl into each other's mouth and indulge into a long, passionate kiss oblivious of on-lookers and the blazing music.

Three months later.
Vicky completed his intern and has become more regular in college. He tried the phone number of Radhika but it's left unanswered. Nobody has seen Radhika in college and he tried searching for at the Economics department but to no avail. Fed up of trying to reach out to Radhika, he started dating Sneha, a first year girl from Delhi. In February, somebody told him that Radhika is back to college and that she went for a tour in Germany, showcasing the Marathi play Mee Purush boltoy.
Radhika heard about his affair with Sneha and according to her friends, she is quite upset with him. One day, the passed crossed accidentally and she prodded, After all, you showed that you are just like the others, na. I was your legitimate fuck. Sex was on your mind and that's it, dude.
Vicky is pissed off, Now, will you let me explain? I tried calling you several times.
She replies angrily, I thought there was something going on between us. Can you have waited? And you are dating this slut, she shouted and left.
Several times, they happen to see each other in the college campus and the hang out spot. There was always an awkward silence between them. Not even a formal hi. The truth is that Radhika always think about him and the memorable moments spent together. She dated a few guys but broke up immediately. Her heart was not in the relationships.
Vicky broke up with Sneha and apologized that he is not doing justice to her and it's better that they move on. Often, he would drown his sadness in alcohol.
It was the exams time and after that, Radhika will leave college to pursue her masters in mass communication at Saint Xavier's in Mumbai. Often, they would see each other in the campus and behaving as complete strangers despite standing in a single group or discussing their respective exam papers.
It was the last day of college and the first monsoon showers has just started. Radhika walks up to him, Hi Vicky. So, you have one more year to go and just came to say bye and best of luck in your life. I also want to say that you are a bastard.
She turns and walks away from him in the college campus. Vicky's buddy Aniruddha shouts at him, dude what are you doing? You love her man and she fucking loves you..chutiya run after her and tell her.
Without losing a second, Vicky throws his bag on the floor and heads towards the parking space in college where Radhika is heading. His friends, Aniruddha, Neha, Rohan and Kim follows him. He yells, Radhika, Radhika, Radhika, please listen..I am a bastard, I've been an asshole..
Radhika turns and ponders, now what the hell is fucking wrong with this guy?
He walks in her direction, Perhaps in the start I was unsure of my feeling and that's why I dated Sneha. But, I broke up with her because I love you. When we were not together, I waited for every single in college campus so that I can see your beautiful smile. I love your curly hair. It's the last day in college and I don't want to regret telling how much I love you.
Radhika runs towards him and they hugged each other tightly. She says, I love you too, my bastard. And they kissed. The water lashed heavily at that very moment. Monsoon has started in Pune. Anirddha, Neha, Rohan and Kim shouts..Fuck the world...and clapped their hands thunderously.


Rebels cannot be killed

Our life is like the flowing river.
On one hand, we are still and peaceful and on the other hand, we become agitated struggling to fight against the storms and current.
In life, when we stand for our values and principles, the world will try every means to put us down.
They never liked rebels.
I am one such rebel, call me without a case but I'm one.
I refuse to accept beliefs and established values.
I advocate for a fair and just society where no men and women will be discriminated against.
Still, my presence disturbs your notion of society.
You know that my presence will disturb your manipulative mindset.
You will try every trick in the book to put beings like me down.
My presence disturbs you.
You may push me down to the wall, harass me, make my life hell or even kill me.
Alas! How can you kill my thoughts.
The idea of a better society which certainly doesn't suit your interests to dominate and manipulate the world.
I refuse to accept your concept of exploiting the world and practicing a policy of division.
What I want is very simple.
I want to live my life on my own terms and refuse to bow to your concept of extremism and dogmatic rules and values.
I believe in one religion:The religion of love and humanity.
I don't want to accept your rules.
Fuck your rules.
There are many like me:: Rebels will continue the fight against an unjust and repressive society.
Karl Marx said, religion is the opium of the people.
I say religion and society exploits the people.
Most of you wear a garb to exploit us and perpetuate an unjust society.
Rebels will continue to fight you.
I am one of them.


Random thoughts

Hola people,
Downed three pegs of Grants whisky or almost finished the third one..surprisingly I'm getting the high now only..I'm having whisky after a gap of four months. Last time, it was in December when I tasted my favourite Indian brand, Imperial Blue on X-mas day. Sometimes, we badly need alcohol to dilute the stress in life. Bah! stress in life..you name it, you get it..tiredness, deadlines, a situation where you fight against yourself and you know that you cannot win..bloody fucking circumstances.You just can't win and you wonder that was life at one point and now..the now where you presently stand.
Yeah! I know it's just a matter of time when I will be happy. I miss the quotient of happiness that I was eligible few years back. Happiness revisited for 20 days and that's it. I am an impatient bastard!!!!!!!Or, am I? Dunno who is reading the crap at dis odd hours of the day.
I've neglected this blog for so long and it's high time to give some updates on ma otherwise dull life. One wonder what kind of life is dat? Getting bloody high on the name of alcohol and you wonder you have hardly any friend to socialise with, except a few ones. Then, they don't booze. What life was a few years back and what it became now.  I had a strong support system to rely on. I mean that some of my frenz are still here and wheneva I want them, they are just a call way. But, then I hate this bloodyyy distance. True, life doesn't remain static and will keep on evolving. You lose some battles in life and you win some. This is where alcohol fits in and provide a sort of solace. Mind you! I am the biggest optimist and am sure that things will evolve over time. Don't read too much about the rantings. But, why things are not happening?
Sometimes, I listen to my alter ego and will call it, the reasonable me. Whenever I fuck up things, he intervenes and prevents me from sliding further down the drain. He is the reason behind the fact that I am still holding and not buckling under pressure. But, for how long, I ask?! Will I be able to survive the madness and will it ever stop?
Some decisions need to be taken and fast. I am a human being and not a saint. It may be insensitive to others needs. But, after long I am feeling an urge to stay alone and do things on my own. I constantly need to push myself to achieve that. I bloody fucking need my life back and I have reached a state in life where I can't afford living an unhappy existence.
I shall sign off now.
Good night. Tomorrow shall be a new day and a new beginning perhaps.
P.S: Please ignore this crap. It is written in an utter state of drunkenness.