The dating checklist

Can't live with and without it? Dating. love and romance humanize us, unlike robots, to breath free air, kissing, lust and sex. Go beyond the realities of body and heart needs.  Revise your dating list. OK! Check! Groceries, condom, kinky sex and Tinder and kiss on the first date. Ain't just kidding and time to stop being like box office pundits' verdict on a movie every Friday. See, you are not going to spend the rest of your life with a date and why not be more flexible in getting to explore the person rather than discarding them on the first meeting. Here it goes:

1. He may just be admiring your gold pendent not your boobs hiding behind the white shirt unless he is behaving like a creepy despo. See, you got a valid reason and would be a sensible move to chuck him out of his eyes is staring.

2. He or she is on Tinder or Shaadi dot com. It's perfectly alright to be checking different and prospective profiles, not that this person sitting right in front of you over coffee, is already in a relationship with you. Stop pretending they are cheating on you.

3. Real life is not the mushy romance that Chetan Bhagat writes or candy floss romance where everything gotta be perfect with the knight in shining armor riding on a horse in the Swiss Alpes or the flawless beauty will flail her way like an angel dressed in white.

Image credit: Google/ https://thoughtcatalog.com/jennifer-meade/2018/02/heres-what-kind-of-boyfriend-you-are-based-on-your-birth-month/

4. Don't judge him or her by the movie or books genre they read. Honestly, that's daft and looks like you shooting for the moon. Be grounded and chill for it's an hour coffee date, where you can be at ease with each other, having a slow and calm conversation, like breezy sex. What matters is the comfort level your date brings on the table.

5. One thing about first date is that the person shouldn't monopolize the conversation but gives you a certain space to express your opinion, disagree respectfully be it politics, arts or sex. The person mustn't shunt or cut you short but calmly listen to what you have to say. It's a non-negotiable or else run as fast as you can and you may still poison them.

6. Appearances or clothes may just be an illusion to fool the eyes for it can be borrowed from a rich friend. Observe the hands of your prospective's date, eyes and gestures which may be a favorite activity to indulge on day two, day three and day four before you plunge ahead or run away. You may just treat it as time pass for remember there are lots of fish in the pond.

7. A non-compromising checklist is that my date should be well read, passionate about life, little bit crazy ever ready to experiment, harboring non-prejudices against humans of different races or nationalities. The main thing is to gel with the person even if it means a fling or non-commital kinda thing to chill together.

8. Keep your options open and look around for prospective dates since there is no sin in meeting different people with whom you can hit the ground. I am not advocating for multiple dating but it's always good to get to know different people before you can make a choice.

9. Take it slow and don't be too enthusiastic or over friendly with your date for there are many chances that they may run away. No one wants someone who is too friendly on the first meeting and play it slow, be a trusted friend and with whom the other person can feel at ease.

10. It's a date. You don't need to buy the latest gizmos or dress to impress for a tee on a blue denims will do for the dude and babe, just put this short skirt or funky denim or torn jeans or this white shirt you've been dying to. Just be yourself, wear casual comfort and daring at the same time for noone will fucking judge you.

Love calculation (1)

There is no calculus theorem of love..oh!Dear and respected mathematicians of the world..how come you've skipped the word called 'Love' while designing the greatest theory. What is love? Why does it happen? When it happens, why don't we measure its pros and cons?
Before falling in love with someone,there are certain things that we need to calculate. Like, do I have any future in this relationship? What if it doesn't work? Can I afford to inflict self-harm to myself? The wound from my relationship has not been completely healed. So, why should I get into the lovey-dovey romantic relationship? Am I being fair to myself and to the other person?
There is no denying the fact that in the start love looks so beautiful and is the most amazing feeling in the world. You have the impression that you are the happiest person in the world and life looks perfect. It can't get better than that. The person is the most amazing person in the world and he or she cannot be wrong. You get into those mushy thingies, red rose, wine, candle light dinner, roaming into the deserted streets, holding hands over your cuppa coffee and in the theater, stealing a kiss in the monsoon. Your sex life is also the most awesome thing. Then, bingo!

As soon as you get to know the person, you actually get into the thinking the mode: Is she or he the same person I knew in the start? Am I in a proper relationship? Will it do good for me? Why am I still in the relationship with her? There are so many what ifs raging in your mind. Then, after some time, the fights and your brain altogether stop functioning..As they say, love is the malfunction of the brain. Like Meghna told me last time, sometimes people don't use their brains when they fall in love and end up doing sensical things and don't realize how stupid they look. She was speaking in a particular context and looks like she was directed her ire at guy. Well babe! Both the dudes and gals get into those things, though women are much more smarter, intelligent and sometimes, practical than their male counterparts.
There are some standards that we set before meeting somebody and most of the time when you meet that person, she never meets such criterias. Will she be sweet and compassionate? Is she someone with whom I can have a meaningful conversation and believe in principles? She is not one of the scheming and manipulative lot..sense of humor, enjoying every moment of life is lacking in her and often you are in for a big disappointment. Often, we set standards for our next relationship...will she be hot and good at making out? caring, sensitive and understanding..and when you meet, you feel that they are a total reject?
Then, you meet somebody who shares the same ideas...i mean or less..we all have qualities and weakness..you get into thinking..am I reading to take the plunge and get into this serious relationship? Serious thoughts crop into your mind and what if?! True, you are no longer a college student that you will be able to face the break up or shit like that..you have a life, remember and what if the person doesn't give your space in the relationship. C'mon, we may decide to live together and it's actually a big effort on the part of both of us to share our bedroom or room for that matter since it is a very private space in our life. Once it happens, there are certain adjustment that need to be made. Back to the love calculation-kinda-theorem, I have my own life and expect her to have a life of my own. I always believe that in a relationship, there should be a charter-I live my life and you live yours and you free to meet both your male and female friends--my pals and buddies. If I am meeting a long female buddy for a drink that doesn't mean that I am having an affair. There is something called Trust in a relationship. You meet your male friends and I don''t have any fucking problem with that coz if I am meeting the babes for a drink, then I don't have a right to stop you. Then, you shouldn't behave like an obsessive lover and starts calling me every now and then when I am working in the office, at the university or happily boozing with friends.
However, it's also true when love doesn't come all planned and you wake up in the morning, deciding to fall in love with someone. I know it just happens. And, when it happens what do you do, go for it?! Remember, I have my love calculus and measuring all my options. As I said, I wouldn't like to hurt myself and in that sense, I would prefer an open relationship with her coz I wouldn't like to eat too much of time and getting into the relationship hassles.
The reason is very simple: The last time I took a hell longish time to get out of my breakup and wouldn't like to fuck up things. As they say lessons learned. But! There is always a but! Love is like gravity and it just happens like Shit happens in life. What do we do then? Does our love calculus goes for a toss? Falling in love cannot be prevented. Should we chase it coz a second chance doesn't really comes..though I don't subscribe to this view....
Remember, I have my love calculus.....
To be continued...................

Main Hoon Na

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The oft-repated, comforted phrase, Main Hoon Na, I will always be there for you. We always say it to a pal on phone, chat and sms. Hey, call me if you need anything. Does it sound a bell? It's the empty promises. kiddy stuffs that we make and yet we keep our promises. Oh! God! Am I getting delusional. Time for someone who will chide us, what happened last time when he or she promised you with the comforting, Main Hoon na ya Apun hai na,load mat le.
I don't think that many of us really keep up with their promise of always being there for us. It's worse than the simple I love You or I will always love you, no matter what. Equations change, situations alter as we make new chemistry and our bond changes from friend X to Y and Z. Our best friend is replaced by a new best friend who rules the heart.
Our 4 a.m friend becomes the complete stranger, Anjaana ya Anjaani oh yea yea yea..Well, that's life isn't it? This is the problem with our generation. We end up making promises that we cannot keep. What happened to this friendship. It has gone to dust. There are so many keep promises and the lamest excuses, Dude you need to move on in life or adapt to new friends in an altogether new environment and new people waiting to embrace you. I have my own priorities in life.
On that matter, I am very traditional. If I promised to someone, Main Hoon Na, I will always be there for you, I stick to my principles. I try my best to stand up for that person and be there when the person needs me. A friend will always be one.

"True Friendship withstand the test of time."
If you cannot make a promise, then don't do it. It's as simple as it gets. I don't hold a dagger to your throat and make you promise those meaningful words. Coz when you make a promise, I build a certain degree of expectations and when I need you as a friend, I expect that you will stand by me coz you are my friend not some other by-passers which I happen to cross path with everyday by exchange a Hi or What's up. I believe that in a friendship there should be mutual respect, understanding and people involved in the relationship should always be there for each other. Of course, we all have our own priorities with studies, career, family and  boy friend or girlfriend. There are other people in our relationship that counts. So is our personal space which should be respected coz at some point in life we must be alone and our own. Personal space in a friendship should not only be understood but treated with respect. Respect my space and your space is the first step towards the solid foundation for friendship.

But, if I promising something to you, my mind will not get twisted and when you are afflicted by the downslide and sorrow, I will not run away from you only to come back when everything is hunky-dory. If I do that, I do not deserve to be your friend at all. When your boyfriend or girl ditched you, I will be here coz you need to shoulder to cry. I will not here to preach and tell you where you were wrong and your ex is not ass or sleeps around. As you friend, I will only listen and try to understand. Criticisms, if any I shall it for a later time as I believe as a friend I have the right to tell you as a friend. But, not before listening to your own perspective The genuine friends are the ones who do not judge nor they do get influence by outsiders to condemn you or worse break a friendship.
As I reflect on the simple yet powerful words we constantly use as we hug our friends, I wonder whether years down the life whether we will really live up to them. The sad part is the way we utter these words as if we are saying good morning and having a cup of chai. Well, if we believe in friendship we should make an effort to mean what we say: Main Hoon Na..Bane chahe Dushman Zamana, Salamaat Rahee Dostana Hamara.
You think it's filmy?
I don't