It's the time of the year when folks reflect on achievements, disappointments and making new resolutions for the upcoming year. It gets back to square one in my case. Trust me on that. I am so horrible with assessments and resolutions that I have stopped doing that.
As a year almost ends, I wonder to what extent I have grown as a person and no, I am not cursing the grey hair or beard showing. Na! Not even referring to hormonal change, dearies. Ok! It's a bad joke. There will always be disappointments where it seems nothing is working and the whole universe is fucking your happiness with small dollops of joy that gives a momentary high. Perhaps, a good way is to measure up the scale of highs and lows. Every day is a new day and don't let dampeners get to the mind. It's how I intend to take things forward rather be an emotional wreck, a kinda of dukkhi aatma crying over every single drop of spilt milk.
It's important for us to find opportunity in adversity or what we may call 'failures' for there is always a lesson behind where we learn, unlearn and learn again. Life is like a ball that keeps spinning like the revolving earth.
Things have changed a lot for me over the years. I have been able to learn from my failures and dare to take risks that I wouldn't normally do since I felt at some point that yours truly got nothing to lose. It happens when you are the most vulnerable. I was like, how much it can get worse. Luckily, things paid off for me.
With time, I have learned to be more patient and not to get angry with people or things anymore for there is little I can do to change the attitudes of fucked up people. I am much more composed as a person and try not to overreact but Act. It makes a hell lot of difference when you don't give in to provocation and act in a normal manner.
The mistakes made in the past gave me more confidence and served as a gentle reminder how I can win the battle without being impatient or restless. I am a work in progress who keep improving every single day, learning to get better at things without competing with others. I choose to compete with myself.
This year it got me thinking how important it is to prioritize ourselves over others where we should never be an option in other people's lives, doesn't matter if they are close relatives or not. One shouldn't be bound by obligations for it never works in real life. Value yourself first. Love yourself. It's damn important. Once you do that, all New Year resolutions or yearly assessment can and should go down the drain.
I am still the same person but my priorities and outlook on life have changed a helluva lot. I am also in the process to cut down my smoking and it's been going well for 2 weeks, a far cry from the chain smoker that I was to drastic alteration in lifestyle. It's one plus point towards the year end.
My mantra would be: Strive, avoid negative people or energy, meditate, be with the self and prioritize life as well as doing things that make one happy. Be a risk taker and take the plunge.