Who Stole my Condoms?!

Politics is an art! You sell yourself to voters! You can sell condoms as a side business to rake the moolah. Ask BJP MP, Gyandev Ahuja, he will tell how he mints money by selling condom by creeping in the dark at JNU in Delhi. Condom sales soaring. It ain't Pathaka. What a figure! 3,000 per day.

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Woah! I'm so jealous. What am I doing slogging my ass? Stupid me. I could have shifted base to JNU at night and start selling condoms to students. Now, I am having second thoughts. I fucked up. Yeah! I swear. Where the fuck I discarded those used condoms. How brainless I am! Next time, I gonna send all my used condoms for recycling purposes to Gyandev Anuja. Meri Jaan! Condoms becho aur save karo. See! At the rate, this unique condom seller is going, it might be scarce on the market. Now, we will have a bevy of film starts endorsing condoms in front of JNU, right from Amitabh Bachchan to SRK and Deepika Padukone. Soon, Ranveer Singh will be out of work for his condom ad will soon fizzle out. So much time, our Ranveer Baba has wasted.

It's the new face of condom and he goes by the name Gyandev Ahuja, Next time, I misplace or lose my condom pack, I know who followed me to the chemist and sneaked inside my house. Chor padka gaya. Ahuja, you dirty and naughty fellow. Ah! How about doing a start up, Make in India and start manufacturing condoms to rake millions. I am sure Ahuja will help me out kick start my Make in India business and together, we can make it a money spinner. He will be my best salesman by standing outside the gate at JNU, selling it. See! I will create employment for the dude in his spare time, free from his parliamentary duty and sell condoms. Now, all you condoms manufacturers, no need to look far to recruit sales people for Gyandev Ahuja is here and shift your outlets at JNU.

It's all about the love you make. No hatred. It's true Ghar Wapsi and Ache Din the condom way.

Aaj kal Charchey Puri Sheher mein Condom ka and it's new self-posed brand ambassador Ahuja Sirjee, Who says foot in the mouth don't play and get into the lime light. It pays to be stupid and ludicrous, I tell, The man is such an inspiration that he is giving Yo! Yo! Honey Singh tough competition on the market. Apna Honey Singh wondering whether he will soon be outta work with Ahuja on his trail. Now, who stole the dope? Or, Ahuja is imagining a sex haven in his own world.

Wait! Did he missed an anti-climax during the night to hallucinate and come with such flimsy theory about sex, condoms and drugs.

The many facets of condoms Ahuja way and he is still counting. A tale of who came first, the egg or the chicken. Or,count your chickens before the hatch. It's a plot for a super duper successful erotic movie. The likes of Malika Sherawat or Sunny Leone will curse their luck that they may soon be out of work at the rate condom is being counted. Ahuja may script the story and play the main lead in this tale of dope and condom.

It's a lure. The condom lure. The Bhakts may call it Maya Jaal, an illusion of sort that condom is the real thing and sex is not. Facts will be re-written all over the place and trust Ahuja to get admission at JNU to do his Phd on condoms since he is a maven at it. He will narrate to us tales of condom, sex and drugs post midnight. Have to give it to him for his sheer hard work and dedication for tirelessly picked and counting used condoms at the university. It's time for all of us to stop whining and curse our jobs for if Ahuja can do it, everyone can. Yes! We Can.

Ask Bill Clinton what he did with all his used condoms at the White House. I am skipping the alleged blow job and trust Monika on that. Perhaps, she has preciously saved the used condoms and will send to Ahuja or tell him the sizzling White House tale.

Politically  and OffensivelyYours! 

Vishal