This written post is aimed to tickle your funny bones and is an imaginative take on Sooraj Barjatya in the Big Boss House. It's a fun take and means no offence to anyone.
It's better to sleep over books than watching Big Boss this season with contestants like Mandana, Prince and Rochelle giving heart attack to everyone. As if Rimi Sen was not enough for the world to run away from her. Super host Salman Khan is scratching his head wondering how to pep up the show with a new wild card entry.
Scratching his grey..oops matters makes some music twinkle at the back of his head. Salman is trying to recall where he heard the song that he is hating now. He hopped on his feet and starting humming. 'Prem Ratan Dhan Payo.' He smiled and started speaking to himself, so what it's crap..this Prem Ratan many hated. At least, I got Dhan It's pay back time on Big Boss. Holy crap! The guy gave me a break on the screen and I gonna return the favor on Big Boss. Sooraj Barjatya will be the star attraction and wild card entry. Let him irritate them to no end with his bull shit 90s philosophy of Parivaar, conspiracy and be a loving man hell bent to destroy romance, intimacy, cuss words and shouting on the show. Sooraj will increase the TRP.
Let the music play. The contestants woke up to a medley of songs, Prem Ratan Dhan Payo, Hum Saath Saath Hai and Wah wah Ramji, in the morning. A shadow emerged with a big tilak on the forehead, rimmed spectacles and dressed in dhoti, singing a bhajaan. It's Sooraj Barjatya, the new wild card entry.
The fight started in no time after BB contestants touched Sooraj's feet and take his darshan for some dhan to win the show. After all, Prem Ratan Dhan Payo minted crores. Rochelle and Mandana tore into each other's hair after doing the belly dancing, almost dropped everything to seduce the men who ignored them, more interested to get a role in Sooraj next. So what, they will do the usual bull shit in becoming saintly men and playing upright patriarch, going high on traditional family values a la Sanskari Babu, Alok Nath. The race is on: Sanskari Babu has been caught in an uncompromising position with a bimbo-cum-starlet in a car. BB contestants are leaving no stone untouched to become Sankari and pure desi ghee.
The show's TRP is boosted every week, taking India by storm listening to the two piece gyaan by Sooraj on how to keep the family together. BB is a united family based on our cultural values, he says. Contestants have stopped fighting and are often seen sitting in satsang. It has become the new Parivaar show, lighting agarbatti every hour. The audience is glued to their screen watching Sooraj wisdom, "BB has become a big united family where there is no room for jealousy but only devotion. Everyone is a couple but without lust where the women touches the men feet, addressing them as Swami," the spiritual film maker reflects.
Sooraj is planning to make a sequel to Prem Ratan Dhan Payo meeting Vivaah inside the Big Boss House with all the contestants. There is no room for lust or intimacy but only pure love with everyone wearing traditional clothes and dressed from top to toe. Sooraj says every man attracted to a woman in the show must be like brothers and sisters. He told Salman Khan that the show will no longer be called double trouble and he has already composed 40 songs, that will be shot every 20 minutes. The film maker is on to beat Bahubaali with the film being 9 hours long. There will be Kapalbhati and whenever someone is getting into fighting mode, he or she will be met with silence, a bit like him in real life. Mandana will play the damsel in distress, shouting 'Naahin!! Naahin! Heard Rimi will make her comeback in a special appearance playing the vamp who just refuse to do anything but sitting like a statue.
There will only be devotional talks in BB, spreading love, devotion and prayers on how rich our Sanskaar is. As a rule, contestants are wearing lungis, super expensive saris and over the top make up and jewelery. No non veg food is allowed inside the house but only Bhojan cooked inside by the contestants.
Our Prem is fearing of losing his dhan now since he cannot give it back to the contestants during the weekend. He is already invoking the Gods on why he roped in Sooraj Bharjatya inside the house and regrets of doing Prem Ratan Dhan Payo. His bad boy turned tough task master image is taking a beating. Salman Khan wants to whip Sooraj and contestants-turned-devotees, on the ass.
The music started playing inside the House, getting louder and louder blaring into Sooraj's ears. He almost fainted, seeing Kim Kardshian making a grand entry, wearing nothing on her. She winks at Sooraj. He could only get the time to pack few of the belongings and stormed out of the house, murmuring, "Tauba! Tauba! So dirty! All my efforts to make Parivaar films has gone to waste. And, my Prem! He dared doing that to me. I need to purify my eyes and will take a dip into Ganga."
Host Salman Khan is sitting and laughing like a child, proud that he has been able to restore BB sanctity and purity from the devil eyes of Sooraj Barjatya. Once a virgin, dies a virgin, he naughtily whispers. No more Prem for me, only Dhan.