A personal rant..read at your own risk

It's a rant. I choose to bear my heart out at the risk of sounding like someone, looking for sympathy and some desperate attention-seeking action. It took me a long to weigh the pros and cons, of course the consequences of opening up.
Right now, my life is in a mess and fucked-up wouldn't be an understatement. A lull which is persisting in my life and the agnostic in me is praying for some magic to unfurl. I have always believed in help flowing from some unexpected quarters and from strangers. It happened in the past and the optimist in me, believes that there is no reason why it shouldn't happen again. The only thing that's keeping me in fair stead is my optimism. Gosh! How my life has changed. I just hope that circumstances don't make me lose the real self. Losing the mental sanity and dash of positive energy vibe is the last thing on my mind.
Image credit: Google/www.shutterstock.com
Frustration is growing deeper by the day at work. The more you actually pray for things to get better, it's getting worse by the day. Honestly, I dunno what to do in the face of murky things and unhappiness. Tendering my resignation is an option at the back of the mind but the EMI on the laptop and loan bills been holding me. I have sent some 28 application letters, got rejected 'nicely by two, saying my good profile doesn't fit the bill. Not one to lose heart, I will bring it to 50. At least, something should work out. First time in my life, I've been sending application letters to companies like a demented soul who lost it.
A lesson that I have learned: Never go back to the old company, no matter how big the talks about transparency and how things has improved. I am so done dealing with unprofessional people, who doesn't understand the basic of journalism and running an organisation in the most unprofessional manner, giving false hope to its employees. I pity those who still believe in the so-called growth agenda that comes at a sacrifice. One shouldn't expect anything from such people, who think the whole world is imbecile.
On top of that, you choose not to pay your staff for more than 2 to 3 months and when a request for salary is made, you choose to give empty threat that we should be careful not to write letters or else, it will go in our goddamn file. Such unprofessional and unethical attitude get to my head. Just imagine, we are literally begging for our rightly earned dues and we are paid in installment as if it's some fucking EMI.
The flimsy reason you give when we tell that we are in shortage of staff in the team that you prefer in-house people and new additions will destroy the team's unity. How ludicrous can this get! Who with a sound mind will come up with such lame reasoning? Never heard of but only a person like him, who thinks he can fool everyone. On top of that, his weird business strategies in a creative field that needs expansion at some juncture or the other, sucks. And, the wrong people in the right place...I am not surprised why the fuck the marketing department is stagnating.
Yes! I was asked to lead the team after one of my colleagues who was heading has left on account of professional reasons outlined. I cannot lead a team of four, with varying capabilities and the company is unwilling to expand. I refused and someone from another department took over. I am happy and just doing my work in silence. The last thing, I wanna do is to be associated with such an unethical company.
The last rumor I am hearing is that they will cut salary if one reaches office 5 minutes late. Gosh! Are we being schooled or what!! Who does that? Another excuse for cost-cutting, may be. The saddest part is that business people are taking over publishing business where they don't understand one thing or two on what works.
I am doing everything possible to leave this company and look at a place where I can grow as a professional. Hopefully, some good news should flow towards the end of this month. At some point, I felt things were not just happening to me but there has been minor development, courtesy the help of  a very kind man with good networking.
I shall leave my rant here. Quite a story that I intend to spell in the second part. Yes! I will unburden myself the moment I resign which will be in a matter of time.
Good Night and wish me luck, folks.

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