WoW Headlines:When Pappu grabbed eyeballs, promising toilets in every houses

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda. The prompt for this week is WoW-Headlines where you are expected to invent a hot and sensational and write a story about it. Please, check the link http://blog.blogadda.com/2014/04/25/wow-headlines-creative-writing-weekend-indian-bloggers.

When Pappu grabbed eyeballs, promising toilets in every houses

Five-year-old Pappu was befuddled as the mammoth crowd swayed their hips in front of him as he sat on the hot seat and garlands thrust on him and the local Pandit applied a long, red Tilak on his forehead. Pappu slouched on his crown, the nicely decorated  white coated Western Toilet,adorned with garland, red silk, and flowers at the Ghat. The village, Kashi Ghat, which is home to spirituality and religiosity has been shot to fame which saw tourists swarming to the lake seeking the blessing of the new God Pappu.

The TV crew been doing a repeat of Peepli Live since the Lok Sabha elections was announced and the small town which was just another place in India is now trending all over the globe. The Prime Ministerial candidate, Pheku Singh, which many call the future Prime Minister of India, drew large crowd and swathes of TV channels running after him as they set their home in the nearby village. The outsider, Dharna Rao, threatened to defeat Pheku Singh and promise to turn his Tandoori Nights into nightmare. After all, Khashi Ghat is a spiritual city where the Gods shower miracles on devotees encumbered with maladies, children's education, marriage of their young children, praying for babies to bless the womb and money hassle.

It was the nomination day as the city was caught in a stew where the crowd was seen chanting, 'Har Har Pheku' and Dharna karenge and the supporters clashed with each other, battling it out for their favorite candidates to rule the town. The TV channels stomped their way to get the latest breaking news back to Delhi. What followed was a twist in the tale that only factory mill called 'Bollywood' was capable of achieving and it was a feat that even Amir Khan, the man behind the original Peepli Live, could never dare of pulling.

As the TV crew wheezed their way to capture Pheku Singh and Dharna Rao rally on nomination day, one journalist heard a shriek from one of the dim lit houses in the neighborhood. The short haired hot female journo, from a reputed TV channel, scampered her way towards the cooped dwelling as her sixth sense got the better of her. She saw an old woman shouting, Save my son! Save my son. He fell in the latrine. The female journalist signaled her camera person to follow her as she bends her head to peep in the well and saw a young boy, shaking with fear and crying  inside. 

The phlegmatic journalist appear on air to made it the scoop of the day for Capital TV as she spoke with a whiff of confidence: "What a shame India! On a Day, where Pheku Singh and Dharna Rao are battling out for the most coveted job in the country, a child has slipped in the well and nobody cares..Yes! They care only about political meetings and the village is not even equipped with toilets for decent living. What a political charade!"

The news reached all TV channels stationed in the village and gradually, the whole crowd swarmed to the latrine to catch a glimpse of a crying Pappu. The shutter bugs focused on the close-up where Pappu could be seen crying and appearing as a waif child to make for breaking news. 

To rub salt on the wounds of the Pheku and Dharna, a well known scruffy looking TV journalist, holding the camera on top of his head, zoomed on Pappu. He wailed: A child falls inside the well and it's been three days, the poor child in stuck inside and deprived of food. Why is there no toilet in the village and Pappu is still stuck inside?  India Wants to Know!" 

The Government dispatched the army and police who managed to pull off the frightened Pappu out of the latrine with the cameras and journalists not losing sight of its prime duty, stalking the thin looking child. Pappu became the hero in the small town as Pheku Singh and Dharna Rao scampered their way to meet the child and give monetary reward to the family leaving TV channels camping outside their dim-lit house to interview destiny's child Pappu. The child was asked how he was feeling and whether he realized that he hogged the limelight away from the election and he replied, "We need toilets in the village." The news anchor asked the child what he would do if he was elected the Chief Minister and he confidently replied, "I will give toilets to everyone so that no child falls in the pit."

Pappu became a hero in the village and the folks decided that the small child can bring fortune to Kashi Ghat by standing as candidate. Pappu was paraded on horse in the village as he folded his hands to the village folks throughout fifteen days, visiting people houses to sing the old refrain, "I will give every person in Tulsi Ghat a toilet. Vote for Pappu."

When the election results was announced, Pappu surprised everyone by winning the election by a huge margin as Pheku Singh and Dharna Rao trailed. Pheku Singh cursed his own destiny as his hard work has been wrecked by the child's fall in the latrine and Dharna Rao was driven out of the village. Today, an English toilet has been brought to the village where Pappu insists on sitting to enjoy his election victory which the people believe is very symbolic since all houses will now shine with a toilet.

The Child in Me and the chat bubble

Dear Child,

Innocent face, shy, inquisitive eyes and naughty streak whose eye balls follows every moving object in your bubble called fantasy world . I am aware, I am speaking to you, tongue sucker for chocolates and lolly pop whose mouth waters for Gulab Jamun in the Mithai Shop.

Oh! tree huger, you keep hopping excitedly as you shriek at the sight of moving trains chugging at the jam-packed stations. You silly heart! An extension of my own and mirror image of yours truly! Walking bare chested  in the house and wearing the under wear in the house as you ape the likes of this new hero Salman Khan who drops his shirt, showing biceps at the drop of a hat. You climb the stool in the kitchen to open the cupboard despite they deemed that it is far beyond your reach. You creep on the floor, dabbling with the fridge plug. You remove the plug and the fridge stops working yet you traipse away innocently as mom slaps you on your bum. Favorite time pass? Opening tap water, breaking the TV remote and hiding the car keys under the mattress as you slouch on the sofa pretending nothing terrible happened and behave like a waifish in the house. You've been such a terrible creature and a terror in the house.

Yeah! I am talking to my own self, Seven year old and still counting. You abhor school coz you keep getting punished with stick and bending on your knees. How nicely you sneak away from the house to play cricket and football with the mischievous lot in the Galli as Mom and Dad lose their sleep, fearing you've lost the way or kidnapped for the moolah. You think you are the next Ronaldo or Sachin in town that cricket or football cannot exist without your tiny fingers and toes.

The parents gape with breath, wondering how a minnow looking fellow like you can bring the house down in no time, you tear the wallpapers in the room thinking its candy wrap, making the gas stove dysfunctional and de-programming the TV. You roil the house as if you are the descendants of Star Wars as you skulk around to climb the wall or Banyan tree. Are you Superman or Lord Hanuman?! Quixotic soul!! You deny your crime to the world and behave and act in a whipper-snapperish manner, over smart kinda dude, oblivious of your age.

You have a nice way of cajoling Dad as you make innocent faces, faking tears for the chocolate ice cream and biscuits. Dad is vulnerable to your antics as you nicely scamper out of the home with your naked and tiny feet, holding his hand and offering to take his bag. You found your victim, small monster and in no time, you see to it that your demands are met..mithai, candies and choco. Your claim to goodies: Innocent smile and blush. You know that your smile is not for free and the man who brought you to earth has to pay for it. Who do you think your are? Brand ambassador of Colgate smile.

Remember praying for Grade A results in school? Bhagwan! You implored the Gods to wreck a miracle to put A's all over the place so that I can play pranks at home during holiday and sneak out of the house to climb trees, dash the cricket ball in the neighbors house. You recited and wrote 108 times the names of Swami Satynanarayanan to get the desired A's.

The introspective mind and stupid brain of yours was keen to know where you came from and whether the cute babies born in the family are showered from the sky like rains. You were told that your parents found you in plane when they travel and was tendered as a gift by beautiful air hostess. The child in you waggled with excitement and prod your parents to board the plane to ask for a cute brother or sister for company, 'Let's go Momma and Pop', as they look at each other, 'Palm Face'

Yeah! Right! The child in me conversing with the real self and now, can we exchange places, please?! How I wish to be that child again!!!

Lovee

Bucket List 10 outta 10

It's the time where our bucket list gets lost in translation as our priorities-cum-target-cum-New year resolution (read fresh) is hitting a level of fatigue and tiredness due to growing frustration. As days and months moves fast like the local trains, we are brought to the harsh reality of life where saving a dim is like horrible sex romp and a herculean task at hand. Minor hiccups, disappointment and buried in the dumps, I feel like Uday Chopra minus biceps in Dhoom:3, a blink-and-eye non-existence special appearance in the calendar of life, bearing an uncanny ressemblence to species in danger of disappearance.

Oh! Bucket List! Bucket List! How you eluding me like that? Just January 1, I was all charged with dreams to make it reality and now,everything is disappearing out of thin air. Wait! My tribe told me that there is always light at the end of the tunnel and let me try the trick to make my very own Bucket List alive and swing in the air. Who is this idiot who invented the term Bucket List to fool me? Let me fool myself to make the list an ongoing romantic affair and not just a fling or one night stand.

1. Learn to Drive

Unkempt promises! Man in his 30s don't even know how to drive a car. Put me in the driving seat and I shall shake in fear as if some bomb has been thrust on me. Well it's me! It's a shame that I don't know how to drive a car. Kya Car-nama hai Boss! I shall learn to drive this year and it's quite a priority or so 'driving' made its way on the bucket list. Ok! I shall not be hard on myself and make it a priority to learn driving till next year at least.

2. Swimming

How to Swim against the tide?. It shall be the title of the imaginary movie or novel, bearing my foot print, that keep playing at the back of my mind. That shame No. 2, oops! Bucket List cannot be complete without aspiring to get into the freezing cold water and learn to swim my way to heaven. Now, empty promise: If I don't learn to swim in a year, I am planning to throw myself in the water, either I drown or find my way back to the shore.

3. Learn Spanish

It's a new fetish that's finding its way on the Bucket List. It's been a year that I've been toying with the idea of learning Spanish, a new and alien language for me. For all naysayers, nopes! I haven't met a hot and super sexy Spanish chick..ab mere phuti hui Kismet mein Kahan..Mera Bad Luck hi Kharab. The moment I learn and speak Spanish fluently, I gonna take a ride to Spain and play Holi a la Tomatino.

4. Mumbai

Aha! My favorite city! City bang bang! Can the Bucket List be made without the obsession to be back in Maximum City? It's Plan A, I tell you. I am not working and still, I am dying to be back in Mumbai to be a Mumbaikar forever. The trick lies in landing the new job fast, start saving and be back to Mumbai. Miracle! Miracle! Dreams! Dream! How I am hoping for the miracle to strike like lightning on my head? Peeps! Pray for me and break a coconut so that I land the job and fly to Mumbai fast.

5. Write the novel

I must bag an award for building castles in the air and I've been boring people with, 'I am writing a novel and will reach completion this year.' It's been two years now and I need a good whip on the butt to get going. I need discipline man and the Bucket List must be tired to see the old, boring song finding its way, 'The man writing the novel.' Buahhh! Lemme bury the frustration. See! I'm laughing at the self.

6. Travel the Globe

I am dying to travel the Globe, visiting Paris, London, New York and, of course, Brazil. Sad! I can't even aspire to be a wannabe Globe-trotter as my Brazil World Cup plans made since 2011 has gone to the hound. It's hounding me. How can I miss the Brazil World Cup? Sniff! Sniff! Oh! Dubai is also on the plate and how can I forget the Sheikhland, yet, sometimes back, I was making plans to relocate and have the Arabs as my neighbors, this year. See, this is Plan B. Now, I am biting my nails. Again, I forget our India! I love my India!!! See, Modi has made Varanasi a hot proposition and dying to go there and live an ascetic life for some time, and, of course, sipping Vodka on the peak of the mountains at Dharamshala.

7. Acting in a movie

Nopes! I have not reached the stage of delusion, though, it's another matter-of-factly that I am not faraway from that. I wanna act in a Hindi movie, even the much self-hated TV serials will do, like they say, Chalega! See! I love building castles in the air and even, my Bucket List is getting a kinda complex. Hey! Btw, Amitabh Bachchan became an actor in his 30s and Boman Irani became one post 40s. Okay! Chill! I know that I am neither Big B nor Boman Irani but it doesn't cost a rupee to dream big na, isn't it?! I wouldn't mind being an extra in a film and hope it should make you happy that I haven't lost my mind till now.

8. Cut smoking

If Bucket List could speak, it will laugh but chill at the same time. I know, it's not a Bucket List kinda stuff at the fag's end but, but, I've been able to cut smoking, quite drastically this year. Not, that I was determined to clean the lungs but bcoz I am facing a money crunch and. at times, don't have the money to buy my cigarettes. But, all said and done, I've cut smoking na, so, Bucket List stop laughing at me and give me a pat on the back.

9. Start the website

Yeah! New idea has just struck. Okay! Kidding! Two of my friends have proposed that I should start a SEO, something which I love doing, and earn through Google adsense. There are some web hosting that are cheaply available and even if I recover one third of the initial money, half the battle is won. Now, Bucket List must be smiling for this rather reasonable achievable target this year. Yeah! It's do-able. Here beating my Trumpet a bit, I am rather good at writing and confident that I can drive Google traffic through content that I create. I think, I can do it. Once, I get a job, I'll take a shot at it.

10. Meet Sachin and Big B

Bucket List must be honing its skills at laughing therapy now. Yes!! I wanna meet and have coffee with Sachin Tendulkar and Amitabh Bachchan? Why just them and I wanna go on a coffee date with Deepika, Parineeta, Alia, Nargis Fakhri, In the latter's case, I gotta put up with her fake accent but all is fair in love and lust. Haha! Uff!! I am finally done and Bucket List can breathe easy.

Don't take me so seriously!! I think, I was on drugs while putting up this post on Bucket List and dunno what I wrote. Was I in the coma? Before you fume, let me run away from here.

Yippie!

Vishal

NaMo! Singh is King and Pakistan Tourism

Listen! Listen! We Proud Indians and, of course, Modi Bhakts have competition now. Is it kya? Don't you know the face of Gujarat has now become a Global Phenomenon in Asia and is the new brand ambassador of Pakistan Tourism. I tell you! Ek hi jhakte mein Narendra Modi has found a solution to Hindustan Ki Abadi (Growing Population) problem..shift to Pakistan. To the cynics and critics of Namo!! Namo!!, see the Global appeal of Narendra Bhai who will tell you to shut the fuck and move to Pakistan.

Heard the Pakistani Government is dancing and swinging their way to Ooh! Lah! Lah! and chanting Har Har Modi!!! Khushwant Singh must be fuming in his grave for the political plagiarism of 'Train to Pakistan' steered by NaMo's self-claimed spin doctor and new age Ad Guru..oops!! Lok Sabha Ad Guru Giriraj Singh for the new campaign for Pakistan Tourism. Har Har Modi!! See, Singh is King!

Move over the sacred and spiritual land of Varanasi as Pakistan has just sweep off tourism potential under the nose of that part of Uttar Pradesh. What must Mia Musharaf be thinking, I wonder? He must be cursing his stars and fate for being on the wrong side and blaming Giriraj Singh for playing spoil sport. Poor Musharaf-ji, now, he cannot even take credit for India-Pakistan Bhai Bhai chara ya potential and stammering Tourism Growth from India.

Woah! Whatta Punch line, Adharnir Giriraj Singh: "those who oppose Modi should go to Pakistan as there will be no place for them in India." Now, this model of Pakistan Tourism cleverly crafted in India during the Lok Sabha battle bear the imprint of a faded leader Giriraj Singh whom nobody knows and whose shot to fame is boosting Pakistan Tourism. Now, who says only Bimbos can resort to tricks to gain popularity by removing their clothes or professing their love for NaMo? Move over, Malika Sherawat, Meghna Patel or Tanisha Singh , the new bombshell in town is Shri Giriraj Singh.

Now, I was planning to relocate to India but it looks that the new India steered by NaMo has no place for secular beings like me and time to book my ticket to Pakistan. Ah! Wait! Am I late kya? Now, it getting me worried with the new ad for Pakistan Tourism where millions of my country men and women, read, Modi Haters, have already booked to resettle in Pakistan. Where does that leave me? Will the Pakistan Government turn me down owing to advance Booking and Housefull? Poor me! I will be deprived of the joy of enjoying Pakistan Tourism, courtesy NaMo and Giriraj Singh. Wait! I have an idea. What about starting a travel agency for fellow Indians dying for Pakistan Tourism or settling in Pakistan and having Giriraj Singh as the poster boy or playing loud music, Har Har Namo and let's go to Pakistan by Train, air or ship? I am telling you! I'll make a killing and rake the moolah to be an overnight rich Shehzaade.

If that was not enough to pump up the Lok Sabha Battle..again my bad!!! Pravin Togadia of VHP is rubbing Himalayan Salt the wrong way to boost Pakistan the wrong way. Now, who says Pakistan is a failed and Rogue state?! Not the likes of BJP, Namo, Giriraj Singh or Praveen Togadia.  Ceertainly, not Togadia, Sir? Don't believe me? Have a look:

As per media reports, Vishwa Hindu Parishad president Pravin Togadia delivered an anti-Muslim speech in Bhavnagar, Gujarat.

Protesting outside the house of a Muslim businessman, Togadia allegedly gave the occupant 48 hours to vacate his house, failing which he asked his followers to take forcible possession of his property and fight a legal battle later which will go on for years.

The report claimed that the VHP leader also threatened Muslims with violence and asked his followers to “go with stones, tyres and tomatoes” and that there was nothing to fear. "I have done it in the past and Muslims have lost both property and money," he had said."

Wah! Wah Kya baat, Togadia Sir!!!! NaMo must be wondering whether he needs foes with loyal friends like Singh and Togadia. The gentlemen are hell bent to make NaMo the new face of Pakistan Tourism and the latter must be fuming for the extra efforts to take Gujarat out of the tourism card. Truly, a conspiracy against Gujarat Tourism, NaMo must be fuming! Wonder what Nawaz Sharif must be thinking at the change of heart of Singh and Togadia to make Brand Pakistan the new face of Tourism and Dream land. Folks! Move over US of A, UK, Dubai or Europe, Pakistan is the new face of tourism and minting money. Be rich and move to Pakistan, courtesy Giriraj Singh and Pravin Togadia. Now, Pakistani are already chanting, Ab Ki Baar Modi Sarkar, enough to give  Nawaz Sharif a complex.

Politically Provocative

V

PS: Image downloaded at Google India from http://pbs.twimg.com/media/BlteD9xCUAAyKDO.jpg:medium and, hence, I claim no credit for the cartoon. The image belongs to the rightful owner (Irregular by Manjul) at the above link.