2012-08-13

Love calculator (2)

It was the start of the chilling winter. He was struck by the bullet which pierced his chest. No, he is not the soldier caught in the middle of the Indo-Pak war. He first saw her at his best friend's engagement and he was struck by her long and beautiful black hair, her killer looks and intense eyes as she strutted towards the 'mandap' accompanying the bride. As she upped her gaze, she sports a smile towards him. This sent a jittery down his spine as he found the lamest of excuse to say Hi. After the marriage vow of their best friends, they exchanged numbers and e-mails promising to keep in touch with each other. What looked like an innocent crush turned out to be restlessness and the act of falling in love.
This is a familiar scene from the novel called life, isn't it? So many of us will identify with the nameless characters asserting copyright on them and shouting, "That's my story." Well, think again. Love is an oxymoron. Or shall I say, when the bug bites you, there is no chance to think twice about it as you get swayed away by the L-world. No love calculation or logical and rational reasoning of the mind maketh your brain immune by the 'fantastic feeling' of being in love. You shall wake up with a smile that adorns your otherwise dull facial expression. You jump as she sends you an sms or drop a hi on your g-chat. You feel like dancing to the very thought of being love. At first sight, one can't be sure whether it's love or a kinda passing feeling but one is unwilling to chuck out the feeling of being a demi greek God.
The average homo-sapien is the most irrational human being when it comes to emotional quotient. This claim has been supported by economists in the world.We do irrational things when in love coz the mind is fickle and knows no logic. Touche! Love knows no logic as we are accused of thinking from the heart and not from the brain. Ahem! Ahem! But, if there was no heart, would the brain fucking exist?! The answer is a big No..na na na. Moving on from the process of a simple-si crush to the second level from falling love and moving up the third level sorrow. It prod us to ask whether we are ready to walk the tried-and-tested method of sorrow..we've been there and done that. Despite our heart broke into zillions pieces and promising that we neva gonna fall in this crap called love, it just fucking happen. As they say, S H I T happens! True, it does. We wish for the happiness to stay forever and we fool ourselves in believing that we shall not face rejection. We may refuse the see the stark reality facing us in the start coz we dunno want our happiness to be snatched away. We shall not face the reality of rejection.
The meaning of love is also expectations. How many times have we looked at our cellphones expecting an sms or wishing that she calls at the wee hours in the morning! We stay awake throughout the night but..bah! disappointment creeps in. Her number doesn't even flash in our miss call log! We soo want to send a miss call but some inner voice discourages us. Sometimes,we just get carried away by numbness and send a miss call which shall get no response. Our logic fails us or the love calculator has simply gone kaput. Our heart is no google and we shall get no answer by googling. Does she care for me or she just doesn't? So many questions left unanswered. Do I make a fucking difference to her life? We try to reason with ourselves that we gotta move on. Screw the love-shove ka feeling only to go back to the stage of falling in love and sitting on our computer waiting for her to pinge on FB chat. We just wanna throw the lap top and the cellphone away in a fit of rage as we pour alcohol to drown our sorrow and pen a poem. Then, we realize that we cannot force someone to love us back It is a philosophy of believing in something and it's called free love. We cannot expect someone to love us back but should that deter us from loving?! It shouldn't deter us from falling in love since I never took permission to fall in love with Uuuu. It's the most beautiful feeling and I gonna enjoy every moment of falling in love with you. I also know that some day I will move on but I shall cherish the beautiful and magical moments of life.
Tragedy strikes when I love you and you are in love with someone. The most dramatic aspect unfurls when you are oblivious of my feeling for you. I feel trapped in love. Tell me: How long can I fight with myself? My heart tells me to fall in love with you and my brain tells me to avoid since I am the one who will lose my self through sleepless nights and sorrow. I mulled over the futility of falling in love with you and examine the pros and cons of the beautiful feeling called love coz I know that you may not be permanent in my life.Finally, my love calculator comes into play. It takes long to realize that I gonna let you go coz it's in our better interests. Still, I don't wanna hurt your feelings coz you are so dear to me. Still, is it love or its the case of mistaken identity? Some term it the change in hormones and not love..honestly, I dunno.
At times, I feel that I should tell you as what lies in my heart but then love calculator tells me not to after weighing the pros and cons of love. Love is such a confusing calculation. Zillion questions races to my mind which turns into a volcano. Sometimes, I feel that if it is destined to happen between us it will happen but if it won't it just won't happen.. There shall be no conditions laid in love. It's just love. Period! Like they say, when love happens it just happens and no love calculator or logic comes into play as one get carried away by the storm. If it doesn't, it just doesn't happen as one must be prepared to face the rough weather. Keep the faith coz the heart knows no logic. If the person has to go, she has to go and you gotta move. After all, the love calculator may not resist to love but there is no denying, it has its importance. Love is a malfunction of the brain.

Why does it happen?
Cupid strikes as you loses your sanity to the oldest feeling..
It's called love.
The mere thought of her brings a smile to my face.
All of a sudden, all my fears vanish.
Why do I need to fall prey to love?
Don't they know that love may hurt and destroy me as well?
As much as it is the world most powerful feeling,
it is the biggest destroyer of peaceful existence.
It is the storm that passeth and bring a massive revolution.
A devil can become a saint.
A saint may become a devil.
Such is the power of love.
It's the biggest tragedy on earth.



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