Donald is not a duck

Donald is not a duck but a Trump and the joker in The Dark Night would fade in comparison if the man of the moment had its way in the US Presidential election. How I wish to gorge on my favorite Donald burger minus the Mc! How Donald's Trump is competing with his Indian counterparts on beef ban and everything that matters?

It seems that the Yankees version of Donald has been afflicted by the virus of banning Muslims. 'Train to Pakistan' reloaded the US way and howz about an Indo-US version of star wars: Ticket to Pakistan vs Ban Muslims! Cool idea, na. And, we thought that such entertainment in the name of politics happens only in India or sub-continent. Na re! Na re!! It (Doesn't) Happen Only in India. Mithun-da must be clapping his hands, Kya Baat! Kya Baat! Kya Baat!

Namo's new found brother who was was separated at the railway station..who else? Barack da Obama must be smiling at the self-destructive trump card in the game. Our, Hillary Clinton is sweating less for the Donald's mouth mystery or jabbing, will make her cut her campaign trail short in the former constituency. Oh! I almost forget that our Donald doesn't have a specific constituency. No Man's Land yet banning everything. They say, Voldemort will slowly rise against Trump for people are warming to him. Sniff! Sniff!! Whatta jolly good fellow our Voldemort was to that Trump dude.

Politics is the perfect couch for strange bed fellows. How bout Donald Trump, business magnate, investing in a flick 'Ban ya ticket to Pakistan'. A joint venture that would give a boost to the 'Make in India' campaign and he can spread his wings to Pakistan in pockets where 'Nafratein' is at its peak. Our Trump will put his money in the mouth at places where hate is at its peak. 

Heard that they are planning to ban this Donald in UK where 400,000 signatures has been reached. Whatta political career the man has in US!Truly cross over. He has already stopped short before hitting the highway. He might just give Imtiaz Ali a complex and must be wondering, why the fuck he made Highway. At least, I should have waited for this Donald Trump or better invite him to invest for a sequel on Ban the Highway.

Our Donald Trump is like Ram Gopal Verma who doesn't remember the movies that he makes nowadays since everything is screwed. Holy fuck! All India Bakchod would rant at this Donald. I am wondering what must the Donald wearing nowadays...sailor shirt, red bow tie and cap. Going at this rate, who knows our Trump might get lucky and hate mongers in India may just adopt him..Mere do anmol ratan ek hai Sakshi Maharaj aur ek Donald Trump.

Dear Barack (Sirrr)!!! Yes We Can

Dear Barack (Sirrr!!!)

I know what you are thinking about your India visit, gushing at Lal Qila and India Gate. You must be biting your nails and curse yourself, wishing that you could have learned dancing to match steps with a Malaika Arora Khan type figure. Heard last last visit, young chillars' gave you a run for your money.

Aha! Speaking of money. Did you brought  a gunny sack of money, doling out kindness to India!!!! I know, there is nothing called a free meal in the world, certainly with the likes of Uncle Sam. It's a deal with Modi-Ji, your new chaddi Buddy aur Langotya Yaar. Yeh Dosti Hum Nahin Todenga. Barack (Sirr!!!) I am talking bout the nuke deal aur Chai pe Charcha with Narendra, the renewed friendship. See!! Modi-ji called you by the first name that I thought for a while that you were twins, separated at birth. You know the story, right! Pardon my indulgence, for addressing you as Barack, adding a Sir. Protocol held. Two brothers separated by the railway track to find each other in the anti-climax. You fight, deny him visa and then kiss and make up. After all, Bade bade deshon mein, Aise choti choti Baatein Hoti Rehte Hain, Senorita. Right, Barack (Sir). You've melted the heart of our desi, Raj. Shah Rukh Khan is like that only, he woos hearts in true King Khan Size.

Image credit: Google

Confused over lost brothers tale. Koi Baat Nahin! You can rent out our 70s Hindi movies DvD's, Lamboo-ji double roles will do the trick for you. You must be missing India, big time, Barack (Sirrrr!!!!) I know, I know. In India, we do Mehmaan Nawaazi perfectly. Barack Devo Bhava. See, you are our new God, adding you to the zillion Gods we worship. One more!! No tension, Barack Sirjee. Our country love everything AmriCan, the politicians, goodies, accents and green cards. Who doesn't want them all in the bag of goodies. Of course, your dollars to pay for our king-sized burgers and Pizzas.

You are a true blue Amreecan, Barack Yes We Can!!!. Before saying Alvida to us, you didn't forget to play a pound fist by gently chiding India over Ghar Waapsi campaign. A respect for all religions and ethnicity is what we need. Sad na that it's always a foreigner who will teach us the basics. A true Ghar Waapsi on your part. Like they say, Haas Haas ke Majaa Lete hain.

Speaking of Dosti and new found Yaarana, Barack (Sir!!) and your new found Kabbadi dost, our dear PM, Narendra Modi must be in for a sequel. See! You know our KJO, Karan Johar who doesn't have anything to do right now. What!! You didn't have Koffee with Karan or met him to discuss his fixation with K....Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Kabhie Alvida Na Kehna, Kabhie Khushi Kabhie Gham. See, the poor guy is outta work. He sit through All India Bakchod to roast celebs. Sad that KJO couldn't roast you. Chale Saath Saath with Modi-ji for climate change. I'm telling you it's heating up: How about giving fodder to the unemployed Karan of Dharma Productions for a new version of Bromance between you and Modi-Ji.

I am just thinking of a third version of Dostana, starring Narendra Modi and his brother Barack. Worry not, KJO will do all the scripting and your penchant for your fashion icon, NAMO. After all, you can give him some work to do, poor boy, roaming aimlessly, on the street of Mumbai doing the Salsa, roasting celebs.

You wanna an anti-climax, no problem!! Our neighbor is just up our arses, like you pronounce in Amreeka. KJO will make them the villain. Remember your goodies worth million for guns to combat terrorism. Your pact with India for payback. How cool an idea?

As it is, Pakistan is already fuming on your visit, Barack Sirr!!! India UN Security council Permanent seat, you are already gunning for your new found dostana with Indian PM.Bechara Pakistan Government is fuming over our growing clout in the region, courtesy Barack (Sir!!) bada Dil aur Dosti. What a 500-crores story idea, this would be, Barack Sir!!!! New found love, bromance and a common enemy over Nuke deal and UN permanent seat. I tell you, a blockbuster from Neta to Abhineta.

Toh Baat Pahki Samaj le over Bromance, N-Deal and dollars!!! Did you click the selfie with your Yaar to show the daughters? Dekh Betiyon Dekh...my selfie with your new found uncle. Do they refer to Namo Chachu at the White House?

Dear Barack (Sir!!!!!) Till we meet again in Dilli for some Dilwallahs moments, Namaskar Pyar Bhara Namaskar.

Barack Devo Bhava

Vishal

Chalo Amreeka Saathiyon..Ab Acche Din Aa Hi Gaya, Obama-ji

Our dear, Barack Obama, must be thanking his stars! After the American administration lost the visa stamp for years and finally recovering it post May this year, Obama 'Yes! We Can! must be borrowing a cue from India how to get the US Congress win the next election. A plausible scenario! You bet!

Image downloaded on Google India

At a time when the US economy is in the lurch, Modi-nomics promises to save Yankees from the looming disaster. It's like Amitabh Bachchan telling the US immigration officer in English Vinglish, 'I am here to spend some dollars to grow the US economy. You don't want it!"

A lil' bit on Gyaan on the American soil on the great American Dream! Soon, Obama will start singing, 'Ab ache Din Ayega America Mein, brushing up his Hindi. Or, will he say, 'Ab ke Baar Modi Sarkar. See, Modi is going truly global as New York is dazzled to his charm, singing 'NaMo, NaMo'. Madison Square will enter the Guiness World Book Record as NaMo stood tall, witnessing the hero of the day, delivering his monologue. Now, who says, India can never make it to the Oscar? Of course, we can. Yes, We Can. Modi has already made it to the Oscar as India creates history in a non-film award for acting.

Pic credit: PMO India (@PMOIndia) | Twitter

Now, can our NRIs left behind as they stormed the Madison Square to get some incentive from Modi, proudly displaying their American-Indian flags to the great delight of TV crew. What a proud moment for them, one is tempted to ask. After all, they have just been credited as the crew who made the NaMo film, 'An Ache Din Aa Hee Gaye' a roaring success. Now, most of them must be booking their ticket to reach Mars at Rs 7 per km, cheaper than rickshaw rate in Gujarat at Rs 10 per km. What say? Cheaper than Tomato and Mc Donald burger. They better re-settle in Mars and leave behind their American dream. They can sell hot dogs on planet Mars cheaper and make a killing. If they are not satisfied, it's time to come back to Desh....Mera Bharat Mahaan..see India needs them as the savior. Why would they not come back? Arnab must be racking his brain. After all, India wants to know!

Our dear NRI shouting Inquilaab must be leaving Barack Obama in a state of confusion on the next revolution. Is it for him or the president-in-waiting Hillary Clinton? After all, NRI has an uphill task: send American tourists to India and freebies, no visa on arrival. Wait, I got a better option. What if...we do some barter! Let's all of us shift to US and let our American friends make India their home. That way, we can take upon ourselves to save their economy, the spend thrift that we are. Chalo Amreeka, Saathiyon! Make New York, Madison Square our home and start tearing each other's off in Obama's land. See, we can vote for Obama's part, US Congress, and keep them in Government for another five years. 

Image Credit: Google India

We shall sing, 'Pseudo-secularism.' No! We shall be boys and girls, better than our ABDC counterparts. Nopes, we will not settle in US to learn ABDC the wrong way..it's American Born Desi Confused. We shall drink our Coca Cola to heavenly bliss. We shall sing and dance, 'Jeeo Kurta Phar ke', tearing the shirt of journalists who question us on why we support Modi. We will be the new Modi Bhakts assaulting not just Rajdeep Sardesai but Americans journalists telling us to behave ourselves. After all, we are the torch bearers of 'silly' Hindutvaa and who has the balls to question us!

We, Indians, are good in doing jhol. No prize for guessing here! We shall earn in dollar, buy in rupee and make our currency the new dollar, selling our prized assets, our rupee to dollar babus to make a killing on the market. Better than that, our Indian rupee will replace the Dollar groom and bahus of the world. Modi-nomics has just altered market dynamics in US and high time for MNCs to pack their bags and settle in India. 

After all, who needs motivational Gurus like Shiv Khera, Robin Sharma when we have apna desi Prime Minister, Narendra Modi telling us one thing or two about, determination and how to make things work out for us? Perhaps, our own Congress man, Mani Shankar Aiyyar must book his air ticket to New York city and start a tea stall, 'Special Modi Chai.'