Chalo Amreeka Saathiyon..Ab Acche Din Aa Hi Gaya, Obama-ji

Our dear, Barack Obama, must be thanking his stars! After the American administration lost the visa stamp for years and finally recovering it post May this year, Obama 'Yes! We Can! must be borrowing a cue from India how to get the US Congress win the next election. A plausible scenario! You bet!

Image downloaded on Google India

At a time when the US economy is in the lurch, Modi-nomics promises to save Yankees from the looming disaster. It's like Amitabh Bachchan telling the US immigration officer in English Vinglish, 'I am here to spend some dollars to grow the US economy. You don't want it!"

A lil' bit on Gyaan on the American soil on the great American Dream! Soon, Obama will start singing, 'Ab ache Din Ayega America Mein, brushing up his Hindi. Or, will he say, 'Ab ke Baar Modi Sarkar. See, Modi is going truly global as New York is dazzled to his charm, singing 'NaMo, NaMo'. Madison Square will enter the Guiness World Book Record as NaMo stood tall, witnessing the hero of the day, delivering his monologue. Now, who says, India can never make it to the Oscar? Of course, we can. Yes, We Can. Modi has already made it to the Oscar as India creates history in a non-film award for acting.

Pic credit: PMO India (@PMOIndia) | Twitter

Now, can our NRIs left behind as they stormed the Madison Square to get some incentive from Modi, proudly displaying their American-Indian flags to the great delight of TV crew. What a proud moment for them, one is tempted to ask. After all, they have just been credited as the crew who made the NaMo film, 'An Ache Din Aa Hee Gaye' a roaring success. Now, most of them must be booking their ticket to reach Mars at Rs 7 per km, cheaper than rickshaw rate in Gujarat at Rs 10 per km. What say? Cheaper than Tomato and Mc Donald burger. They better re-settle in Mars and leave behind their American dream. They can sell hot dogs on planet Mars cheaper and make a killing. If they are not satisfied, it's time to come back to Desh....Mera Bharat Mahaan..see India needs them as the savior. Why would they not come back? Arnab must be racking his brain. After all, India wants to know!

Our dear NRI shouting Inquilaab must be leaving Barack Obama in a state of confusion on the next revolution. Is it for him or the president-in-waiting Hillary Clinton? After all, NRI has an uphill task: send American tourists to India and freebies, no visa on arrival. Wait, I got a better option. What if...we do some barter! Let's all of us shift to US and let our American friends make India their home. That way, we can take upon ourselves to save their economy, the spend thrift that we are. Chalo Amreeka, Saathiyon! Make New York, Madison Square our home and start tearing each other's off in Obama's land. See, we can vote for Obama's part, US Congress, and keep them in Government for another five years. 

Image Credit: Google India

We shall sing, 'Pseudo-secularism.' No! We shall be boys and girls, better than our ABDC counterparts. Nopes, we will not settle in US to learn ABDC the wrong way..it's American Born Desi Confused. We shall drink our Coca Cola to heavenly bliss. We shall sing and dance, 'Jeeo Kurta Phar ke', tearing the shirt of journalists who question us on why we support Modi. We will be the new Modi Bhakts assaulting not just Rajdeep Sardesai but Americans journalists telling us to behave ourselves. After all, we are the torch bearers of 'silly' Hindutvaa and who has the balls to question us!

We, Indians, are good in doing jhol. No prize for guessing here! We shall earn in dollar, buy in rupee and make our currency the new dollar, selling our prized assets, our rupee to dollar babus to make a killing on the market. Better than that, our Indian rupee will replace the Dollar groom and bahus of the world. Modi-nomics has just altered market dynamics in US and high time for MNCs to pack their bags and settle in India. 

After all, who needs motivational Gurus like Shiv Khera, Robin Sharma when we have apna desi Prime Minister, Narendra Modi telling us one thing or two about, determination and how to make things work out for us? Perhaps, our own Congress man, Mani Shankar Aiyyar must book his air ticket to New York city and start a tea stall, 'Special Modi Chai.'

New age Facebook narcissists!

Are you on Facebook? Mujhse Fraandship Karoge..acha! Send me a friend request! Been there, done that. Sounds familiar?! Right. Sharing-varing, feeds, heated discussions and venting out on almost anything, right from being a political animal to sex'ual creature and social issues. As a friend wrote on her blog, Facebook is becoming increasingly a tough call for us not-so-young owing to the infiltration of our elders mushrooming on Mark Zuckerberg's baby. As if, the online world is too big for us to run away from!!!

Facebook! What's that? Rocket science for the silly me and my faint heart. I am off from this thing called Facebook and it's a self-conscious break coz it was getting too much for me. I was getting tired of the things that I share every alternate minute, venting out my frustration on almost any ludicrous stuffs wrapping my tiny existence. Yeah! I am on a FB detox coz it an obsession for me, spending early morning and nights, basking in my own glory. One day, I told myself, 'Cure needed. I de-activated the account.' Do I miss Facebook? Nopes! I can breath fresh air, cut off from the feeds and from the horde of FB-ers. After all, I have a life. No! Really! This post is not about me but the narcissists that we have all become, sleeping on FB and taking pride in our 'Dabbang' statuses or wall posts. Tag Me! Ah! The game of tag or selfies all over the place roaring like Rajnikant blowing smoke and fists on the villains, flying in the air, like UFO's.

Don't ask bout' selfies! It's such a major put off where X or Y is sharing a new picture every alternate nano second of their mundane existence. It's too much to take, yeah. Or, you taking a pic with Priyanka Chopra or Lady Gaga at her latest show. I mean, taking a selfie occasionally is perfectly legitimate but I find this over-the-top behavior damn depressing where you sharing almost everything on FB. This applies to me as well coz I became this FB-narcissist writing at length about politics, corruption or the Alia Bhatt jokes. Don't we all need a good, fucking break and enjoy the ME time? Some friends asked, when I am coming back and it's no sooner, though I haven't said tata, bye bye. I shall be back in a while, fresh and rejuvenated.

Social media mavericks! We offer everything under one package, wannabe political analysts, marketing gimmicks, online social Gurus and what's not! New age wizards selling a product, we are all over the place in our desperate bid to become an attention seeker like the five-year-old showing his chocolate bar to uncles and aunties, jumping from one room to the other. If we have a trophy girl friend or wife or six-pack abs boy friend, flaunt them all over the place as if it's some aesthetic object of desire. Now, who needs sex toys in the age of FB? You bet! We need to tell the world about the better half on Facebook. The zillion pictures clicked in parties is shared on FB, close up shots of our drowsy eyes, drenched in Vodka shots...party all night, party all night, aunty police bulayegi..party on Facebook. It's all about Tandoori nights. Move over Yo! Mama! Jokes or Acidic Aunty. We are the new acid, talk of the town on FB.

Sometimes, I wonder how Facebook robbed us of the joy of human interaction, a time when meeting friends for some good fun carried emotional warmth. Gardening is done not in the open air but farmville, watching birds has become Angry birds. We've become so obsessed with our online image yet the emotional touch is just for effect. 1000 followers, 900 friends, yet we get so busy as online robots that our fingers doesn't hit the key pad to send an e-mail to old friend or make a call for that matter. Forget once a year, perhaps in a decade, we may not hear from someone we spent the best of times with. 

White lies has never got better on  Facebook or Twitter. After all, we are competing with the likes of AB, SRK, Priyanka Chopra or JLO to become the next celebrity in town. And! The silly game requests! Please, don't ask!!! It's like the new age paper boats that every one needs to play on an online format. Just refuse someone's game request and you are in the bad books forever. The next day, you are dumped out unceremoniously off their list. After all, Facebook is all about boosting the EGO where the E and GO cannot be separated. 

It has never been such a dangerous place to live on the digital media. We shall post update during the morning, share stuffs and comment on the latest stuff...NaMo in US, Jayalalithaa condemned by court on account of graft charges for four years, Deepika-TOI war. Bring it on, FB-ers! After all, your are trending.

Sending you some FB-love

TOI does it again! The Cry Baby defying gravity

They are simple incorrigible and 'thick skinned', no matter how wrong they are. Yes, Times of India has done it again! A sad tale of indulgence where India's  supposedly No.1 newspaper is sinking itself into new lows of journalism. Post the fracas where Deepika Padukone has rightfully slammed 'India's leading daily', they are repeating their feat. Rather than gracefully tendering an apology and moving on, TOI is getting angry and sullen like a cry baby by spewing venom on someone and questioning her career choice and life style.  It sucks to see ToI indulging into such cheap antics journalism.

Words failing me to make sense of the gravity-defying logic of the journalist in question who is a woman and who is indulging in slanderous attack against another working woman and professional who is an accomplished person in her own field. The fact is TOI cannot explain themselves after last week's flop show and they have driven themselves against the wall. The picture shall speak for itself where the paper has made itself the butt of practical jokes. The so-called letter appeared in Sunday's edition of Bombay Times. Have a look for your own reading pleasure.

I wrote this post on my other blog to voice my opinion against the kind of mudslinging made against Deepika Padukone where they attacked her femininity and showcased her cleavage. To say the least, it's an unveiled attack against the person. Now, they are justifying something that cannot be!

Entertainment! Seriously! Deepika's cleavage show! Guys, are you serious when your EQ is all about the lady's cleavage. And, the country I am based in, I fork 25 bucks to get a late copy of Sunday Times shipped from India, which is sold for five bucks.  Am I a fool to fork out five times more money to get a late copy of my 'favorite' newspaper? It makes me shudder when you defend and justify yourself that it's a compliment to Deepika. It's downright sexist and it doesn't make 'news' sense to me. It's not even sensationalism and you've gone to an extreme step by living up to the adage, 'sex sells.' It's not even that but a scathing attack on the dignity of a professional woman who is proud of her femininity. Mind you! Being comfortable in one's body, doesn't mean someone is indulging into skin showing as the newspaper is trying to portray but rather she is expressing pride in who she is. She is proud of her body, but,ToI, you make it look so cheap.

TOI has been my favorite newspaper and I was in awe of them, owing to their high standard of journalism and the kind of human-cum-feature stories they would come up with in the not-so-distant-past. But, now! I am not very sure about that. Now, I understand why accusations of pen pushers and whistle blowers are directed with a punch against my tribe. The OMGs! Actress have sex in car, show boobs, showcase assets is a matter of laughing-stock. I mean, seriously! Is that feature or news in the first place! I wonder whether I am in the right profession!

Deepika served you right when she placated, Yes! I am a Woman, I have Breasts and a Cleavage. You Got a Problem?!  Don't Talk about Women Empowerment when You don't Know How To Respect Women. Deepika Padukone deserves and commands respect for taking a stand against something which is demeaning and humiliating, to say the least. It's so unfortunate that many women in the film and fashion industry face such kind of cheap thrills under the name of journalism. Sorry, it's not. Before going to print, one should have checked the facts and quality of news.

It pains me to say that TOI is going the down slide when we see such stuffs appearing as news. Not so recently, someone wrote something sexist in the name of entertainment, 'advantage of women being a virgin till they marry.' It's another thing after protests that the story was removed. But, the damage was done. Sad that the paper with the biggest circulation in the world has reached this stage. I am tempted to ask, 'What's gone so horribly wrong?' Is there no such thing as editing and news filtering, with sub-editors being the last line of a newspaper's defense?

Objectification!You name it, you get it! The latest victim today is SRK 'We don't go into frenzy seeing SRK's abs.' Mind you, I am no prudish and know that some people enjoy picking up a mag seeing glamour and sexy pictures. But, seriously, this is not even glamour but an act of over selling yourself. Surely, you are not that desperate to sell your newspaper since your office is not housed in some dingy corner down the road. It's no standard of journalism. Let's not speak about ethics. I feel a shudder down my spine since I have seniors whom I respect a lot and who made careers at TOI and one of them is a respected columnist. But! But! such sexism cannot be tolerated. Good that someone took the cause of not just the females but males in the industry. Yet, sometimes back, Aishwarya Rai's Karva Chauth was breaking news. Or years down the road, Amitabh Bachchan's family boycotted the Filmfare Awards when one of your sister company, Mumbai Mirror, published an untrue story about Aishwarya Rai suffering from stomach tuberculosis and therefore cannot conceive. It's slanderous against woman! The irony was a refusal of apology and the rare feat is repeated in Deepika's case, four years' later.

Nowadays, I prefer to read Hindustan Times who has upheld its standard of journalism, features and entertainment. Hope ToI will pick up the thread where they left or may run the risk of being sunk into oblivion with the adage, 'Has-been newspaper with high standard'. It will break my heart to see TOI going down the road like that. I want the good old Times of India which made me rush to hold it in my hands, enjoying a  cup of coffee on a lazy Sunday.

Or else! I'll prefer a pirated copy of Akshay Kumar's Entertainment, any day. Let's skip the booby trap TOI and cleavage show. Certainly, it doesn't honor our profession as journalists.

A 100 crore tale of Love Jihad, Chicken and Beef in Kamasutra Land

I am feeling bored today till I started playing the game of Love Jihad. I throw the dice to entrap someone, an invisible victim. The game of entrapment, zeroing on my catch, some innocent girl, flirt with her, promise her love and marriage, then break her heart. Amen!

That makes for the script of 100 crores blockbuster, scripted by the likes of RSS and the great Yogi Adityanath as the savior in the breath-taking climax. Our new-age superman has taken upon himself to save the lives of million innocent girls in the magnum-opus 'Love Jihad.' A script tailor made for success: Man in beard zooming past on the motorcycle as the Hindu girl, clad in Salwar Kameez, red bangles and red Bhindi, hop on in the name of love. You know the rest! If you don't, Hindu outfits will tell you the story coz they will narrate the concocted soup of threat to spill down your throat.

See, the Hindu religion is in danger na coz of Loove Jihad hell bent in destroying man kind. What a formula for success! This will put the likes of Karan Johar and Rohit Shetty to shame. In this RSS Kahani, there is no twist coz you see vultures are hell bent to make our girls fall in love with them and force them to convert. Romeo Jihad! Beware of Love Jihad! Why? Baby! Proponents of Hinditva agenda are telling and you must  listen to them. It's their script, their movie. Have you bought the tickets? Totally free of cost. Unplugged propaganda of fear. Now, they are turning into vigilante in our University campuses coz the world, oops sorry!, their religion is in danger of being possessed by Love Jihad. I tell you, Valentine celebration is against our culture and is such a westernized concept. Now, see how Love Jihad is making a comeback to force things down the throat of our girls and they wanna rope us after brain-washing our heads. You see! The perfect script of 100 crores votes!

Have you said secularism? What is that! According to them, there is only Hindutva which is the perfect package, designed to delete secularism and the fabric of the Indian constitution. Didn't someone said that everyone is a Hindu in India? Now, why are you scoffing at them? You find it funny, na. Must be! Beware, they don't find it funny coz we belong to the land of Lord Rama, declaring war on Love Jihad, no chicken and Beef! We are so pure that Kamasutra exist only in our dirty minds. We, young people, are so polluted coz we believe in love and making friends with people, irrespective of their ethnic or religious belonging. We are the ignorant youth of India who should be taught the conspiracy of Love-Jihad which is destroying our religion and our girls. If we fail to adhere to their logic, we should be beaten up every Valentine Day coz we are wiping our religion and not being able to save our girls. Beti Bahu Bachao! Declare war on love Jihad!

See, we are only capable of making love and not war. But, who will tell them this? They don't want to see us  united like Sooraj Bharjatya's Hum Saath Saath Hai! After all, it's a question of their pro-Hindutva sick agenda that sucks like rotten tomato. Suddenly, I am wondering how they would call Hindu boys falling in love with Muslim girls! The boys must be innocent that the Muslim girls are putting a Jaal-The Trap, to ensnare the poor boys, na! It's Pyar Pyar Pyar vs Maar Maar Maar, the RSS way! A new script, changed to suit their 'religious' sensibility of hatred. Wait! Howz about forming an outfit against hatred to destroy their proxy war?

We shall walk the tight rope to spread love and only love minus Jihad. Our Jihad will be filled with feeling will of love and we shall them some flowers and 'Get Well Soon' card the Munna way. It shall be our war against the force of terror and our Love Jihad against violence, brain-washing and hatred. Till then, let me enjoy my chicken Briyani made with love and feast on secular food.

With Love

V